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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to tell him to piss off?!?

123 replies

SiblingsarePITA · 10/12/2016 00:32

Hello MNers,

I don't think IABU but I wanted to check as I have just had a baby and my judgement might be skewed slightly!

So I just had a baby a couple of weeks ago and we named her Sophie. My brother messaged me actually asking if we would consider changing her name because his precious fiancee who he has been with for 3 years has always loved that named and wanted it for her future daughter(!) So I obviously said no, this is a name that we have picked from the beginning of my pregnancy and we are in love with it ourselves. He has begged me to change it because apparently it is a deal breaker for her, she would consider ending the relationship over it...

That was 2 days ago, since then she has deleted me off all social media and has gone NC with me because she is upset that I have chosen 'her' name! Now, they have only just got engaged, they are young and who knows when they will have children and whether they would even have a girl and he wants me to change my daughters name on the off chance that they MIGHT have a girl and name her Sophie (who knows if she will even like the name by then!?)

Should I tell him to piss off along with her because of her stinky attitude or should I change it for the sake of my relationship with my little brother? As siblings we are all quite close and I don't want this to come between us... Plus now every time I say her name it has been tarnished with what has happened and I get upset just thinking about it, my brother has only come round once since to visit her whereas he has always been very good with my older two...

OP posts:

Original poster

SiblingsarePITA · 10/12/2016 19:21

Looool, if I could kill her off somehow without being the prime suspect I would consider it...

Actually I did tell my brother that I liked Sophie... He never mentioned anything then, not even once... Maybe he hoped I would change my mind!

OP posts:

Didactylos · 10/12/2016 19:23

Congratulations on your little girl OP and you are so not being unreasonable
its not her name to put dibs on: its your babies name now, as that's what you have called her

and why should your child have her name changed because not yet an auntie, not yet a mother, not yet an adult (really, splitting up over a putative name for potential children?) BILs girlfriend wants it to be changed?

Would she be going out with him if she found out he had a pre-existing niece called Sophie? or would she be lobbying him to ask for a name change of an existing older child?
The mind boggles....

TheWoodlander · 10/12/2016 19:26

OP, When I named my DD, I did -in all innocence- use the name my sister had always wanted to call her DD if and when she had a dd (no baby on the horizon as yet - and my DD is nearly 9).

Apparently, she was really miffed, really miffed - but has never said a word to me. I found out from my other sis, who was drunk when she told me this.

DSis never went to the bother of asking me to change the name, going nc, deleting me off Fb etc, thank god, because that would be ridiculous.

YANBU.

wornoutboots · 10/12/2016 19:27

if she loved him there's no way something this pathetic would be a deal breaker.

What if you'd had Sophie before he met her, would she have rejected him based on a niece's name?? I'd ask him that, and hope he can see how utterly stupid he's being

EngTech · 10/12/2016 19:27

Tell them you are awfully sorry but you have copywrited the name so they will have to choose another name

deste · 10/12/2016 19:28

I have a DD named Sophie, she is now thirty and I still like the name. She does too. Like yours she is a Sophie, blonde and gorgeous and very talented.

GeekyWombat · 10/12/2016 19:31

Was it Sophie on Reddit too?

SandyFeet177 · 10/12/2016 19:31

If a baby's name, who hasn't been born (let alone conceived), who we don't know will be a girl, will be a deal breaker in their relationship, their relationship is doomed. YANBU, they are. Don't let this tarnish the name, your Sophie will give you lots of reasons why the name Sophie will bring you pleasure and not bad vibes as she grows into her own little self.

Mulberry72 · 10/12/2016 19:38

YANBU! And definitely don't change Sophie's name!

Anniegetyourgun · 10/12/2016 19:41

The only person I discussed the names of my DC with was their father. That's quite normal, surely? Likewise DS and DIL named their own children with no consultation with anyone else as far as I know, but nobody got upset - or at least weren't crazy enough to say so. They're good names which suit the children in question (and one of them includes my name, so I am extra chuffed).

Sophie's a lovely name. One of my relatives has a cat called Sophie, but it is equally suitable for little girls (And for grown women too, of course.)

FeelingSmurfy · 10/12/2016 22:06

If you did change the name then it would be hard looking back at cards, hospital bracelet etc that all had the first name on once you were used to her as the second name

I would struggle to get used to a new name once it was set in my mind as Sophie (if I was her mum) and it just wouldn't feel right

Not that any of that matters, she is bat shit crazy and needs to be told so ignored

QwertyKeyboard · 10/12/2016 22:24

She is bonkers!

HighDataUsage · 10/12/2016 22:33

Is the girlfriend of Italian heritage too or just your brother and family? Keep the name, if you change it now then you have given her the green light to become an absolute emotionally abusive nightmare.

Original poster

SiblingsarePITA · 10/12/2016 22:53

She Italian too, I am shocked at her audacity to be honest and by Db's!! I guess it's unanimous that they are subroutine crazy!!

OP posts:

SantaPleaseBringMeEwanMcGregor · 10/12/2016 23:07

If reserving the name exclusively for her possible, hypothetical, future maybe child is her dealbreaker, he's better off without her.

NothingIsOK · 10/12/2016 23:11

My sibling named their new baby the name we had picked for ours, due a few months later. Neither of us knew the other was planning on that name, and it wasn't even a run of the mill or family name.

We just laughed, teased each other about it for a while and picked a different name for our kid. No way we could both have used it, and they got there first. Such is life.

Benedikte2 · 10/12/2016 23:52

OP if your DB and his GF break up then in a few years DB will be laughing with you about how crazy exGF was. Sounds like (most men) he took very little notice when you told him you intended to use Sophie and it was only after she was born he told GF and was presented by her tantrums. Unlikely he had any daydreams about future DD names.
Just enjoy your adorable new daughter and keep your fingers crossed that your DB doesn't marry her.
Good luck

mrsmata · 11/12/2016 01:10

My grandad had six siblings - three of them gave their daughters the same name and two other siblings had identically named sons.

My cousin and I both gave our eldest sons the same name too (after our grandad) but they are 20+ years apart in age and are known as "big" and "little" to differentiate.

It's a running joke in the family that we have little imagination or originality when naming our offspring.

Occasionally at whole family gatherings you get multiple people answering you when you say certain names but it's easily sorted and we're all used to it anyway.

You name your child what you wish and if someone else also does the same then so be it. In my book nobody has exclusive rights and it shouldn't influence your choice.

BetterEatCheese · 11/12/2016 01:27

I accidentally named my new kitten the name my sister wanted to use (she was actually pregnant) and she went crazy! I had no idea about a dream name. The kitten would not answer to any other name so I had to change it to some made up word which was a syllable different and sounded stupid but close enough. At least it was a cat and a silly word sufficed!

CaraAspen · 11/12/2016 01:44

What a nerve and what an utterly and deeply stupid thing to do.

Summerblaze100 · 11/12/2016 01:51

I have 4 dc and 2 of them are boys with my 2 favourite boys names. When I was pg with my last child, I was completely stuck on boys names as my 3rd favourite name had been used by my DSis for my nephew.

Bit of a pain but it was tough. I wouldn't have copied so I chose something else. As it happened I had a girl anyway so if i had asked her to change my nephews name, it would have been for nothing.

First come first served.

Also, my elder DD has her grandmas name as a middle name as do 2 of her cousins.

Farfromtheusual · 11/12/2016 10:54

YANBU!! How ridiculous... I can't believe she actually got your brother to ask you that! As for it being a deal break, wow, what a moron!

Just go and register your DD, and tell them tough shit, it's too late now!

Lweji · 11/12/2016 10:57

Tell your brother it's a dealbreaker for your OH too and he'll leave you if the baby is not named Sophie.
I'd like to know how that would sound in his head.

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