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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to tell him to piss off?!?

123 replies

SiblingsarePITA · 10/12/2016 00:32

Hello MNers,

I don't think IABU but I wanted to check as I have just had a baby and my judgement might be skewed slightly!

So I just had a baby a couple of weeks ago and we named her Sophie. My brother messaged me actually asking if we would consider changing her name because his precious fiancee who he has been with for 3 years has always loved that named and wanted it for her future daughter(!) So I obviously said no, this is a name that we have picked from the beginning of my pregnancy and we are in love with it ourselves. He has begged me to change it because apparently it is a deal breaker for her, she would consider ending the relationship over it...

That was 2 days ago, since then she has deleted me off all social media and has gone NC with me because she is upset that I have chosen 'her' name! Now, they have only just got engaged, they are young and who knows when they will have children and whether they would even have a girl and he wants me to change my daughters name on the off chance that they MIGHT have a girl and name her Sophie (who knows if she will even like the name by then!?)

Should I tell him to piss off along with her because of her stinky attitude or should I change it for the sake of my relationship with my little brother? As siblings we are all quite close and I don't want this to come between us... Plus now every time I say her name it has been tarnished with what has happened and I get upset just thinking about it, my brother has only come round once since to visit her whereas he has always been very good with my older two...

OP posts:

JerryFerry · 10/12/2016 01:16

Congratulations on the arrival of your lovely baby. Sophie is a beautiful name, in fact it was one of the names we considered for our girl. It is timeless and elegant, and everyone knows how to say it!

Please don't change her name because of your brother's girlfriend's madness. If she has flipped out so early into the parenting journey ie before it has begun, it is unlikely she will make it much further. And certainly you don't need her crap in your life.

This is bound to be but one of many dramas she kicks off, and I just hope that your brother will soon see the light.

Terribly immature, mean and ungracious of them to lay this on you at such a special time.

SaltyBitch · 10/12/2016 01:31

There a hundreds of Sophies. Tough shit.

Janey50 · 10/12/2016 01:40

Good grief! Could you just imagine if nobody was allowed to have the same name as anyone else?!

ImNotWhoYouThinkIam · 10/12/2016 02:09

Tell them to grow the fuck up ffs.

My ds2 has my step sisters favourite boys name. I never knew that's what she wanted to call her ds.

My niece has my favourite girls name. My brother never knew I always wanted a girl with that name. Hey ho. If I ever have a girl I won't use it now. But I've got a beautiful niece with a beautiful name.

Original poster

SiblingsarePITA · 10/12/2016 02:13

Thank you everyone, she really does look like a Sophie and beyond gorgeous and adorable (rose tinted specs on, pfb moment)!!

I'm not going to lie, I don't like her AT ALL and wish they would break up!! She lives in another part of England and they have a long distance thing going so kinda hoping it won't last even though that sounds mean!! But unfortunately absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that crap! They're going to be in for a shock once they get married and she moves here!

OP posts:

Mommy03 · 10/12/2016 03:02

Tell ur DB to RUN ! And he can thank u later

Hidingtonothing · 10/12/2016 03:14

I would treat this with every bit of the disdain it deserves. If either of them mention it again just look at them as though they must be either joking or crazy and make no bones about how utterly ridiculous they're being. If either of them are stupid enough to lose relationships (your DB with you or the GF with your DB) over something so ludicrous there's something very wrong, with them not you.

MissVictoria · 10/12/2016 03:25

There's no reason they couldn't use Sophie or even Sophia. They'll likely both have nicknames anyway dependent on their personalities, so it probably won't be all that often they got mixed up or confused etc.

YouHadMeAtCake · 10/12/2016 03:25

YADNBU Sophie is such a lovely name, please don't change it! They need to grow up and shut up. They have such a cheek! This may well be one of the most ridiculous requests I have ever heard! They probably won't even be together much longer with that sort of behaviour. Congrats on little Sophie

mmgirish · 10/12/2016 03:39

This might be the funniest thread I've read in ages! I think it's unbelievable how self obsessed people have become lately. Your fsil sounds crackers and your brother is enabling that crazy behaviour. I can't believe he had the balls to make that request. Did you know they liked the name?

Milzilla · 10/12/2016 03:47

Pfb? When you already have 2dc?

Anyway, yanbu. No one gets to stake a claim on names...

JustMarriedBecca · 10/12/2016 03:52

snorts

Whatever next. Too much store set on Facebook. My BIL has blocked me on Facebook because I had the nerve to have a baby boy second time around. He's a dick and so is your brothers girlfriend.

Incidentally my daughter has the same name as her cousin. It didn't stop BIL and SIL picking it although they do look a bit bonkers. It used to happen all the time apparently. Plus Sophie is a top 5 name isn't it?! Loads of Sophie's!

WaxyBean · 10/12/2016 03:56

My cousin and I both have same firstname surname - she's less than a year younger than me. Never been a problem.

You can't Bagsy a name for an unborn child - stick to your guns!

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface · 10/12/2016 04:02

She sounds kind of insane.

What's she going to do about all of the other baby Sophies?

ICJump · 10/12/2016 04:06

Crazy! What if she never has a girl!

puddingbunny · 10/12/2016 04:06

When her hypothetical baby Sophie goes to school and there are three other Sophies in the class what is she going to do, ring round all their parents demanding that they only be addressed by their middle names? You should explain to your brother that although you love him, you have not signed up to deal with this level of insanity and it really is up to him to protect his family from her lunacy. Preferably by setting her free to find a man with no Sophies in his social circle (good luck with that.)

Bogeyface · 10/12/2016 04:07

If this is a dealbreaker for her then I dread to think how she will react when something that actually matters kicks off!

I would reply with a "Dont be ridiculous, this is her name and I am not discussing it anymore" but preferably to her and not your DB who, it sounds to me, is being manipulated and it will only get worse.

Her deleting you off FB is the ultimate "FUCK OFF" from people of a certain age and can safely be ignored. Just make sure you block her so that when she deigns to add you again, she cant find you.

misshelena · 10/12/2016 04:14

Wow, she'd leave DB over this completely unreasonable demand?? He needs to run! Is there anyone in his life he listens to? Your DM maybe? Someone needs to talk some sense into him. She is BAD news.

ChasedByBees · 10/12/2016 04:41

How would you feel if you changed her name, hugely regretted it and worse, your DD in the future really preferred Sophie?

It would be difficult to explain that you changed her name as her uncle may have wanted it for his future children (and Sod's law, he'd have two boys or be with someone else altogether).

Don't change the name.

hesterton · 10/12/2016 05:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wonderflonium · 10/12/2016 05:13

Their relationship is in the shitter already if she's threatening a breakup over this.

Don't do it, he's going to marry and have babies with someone else, you mark my words.

Roodolf · 10/12/2016 05:25

YAabsolutelyNBU OP! Congratulations on your beautiful daughter, it's a really lovely name, and if she ends up with a cousin the same it will be fine. Trust your gut, even with the rush of hormones it's been totally reliable on this one. Just don't let him/them spoil her name and first weeks for you.

MummyIsAFreeElf · 10/12/2016 05:53

If you like the name Sophie and your little bundle of joy looks like a Sophie there is no reason you should change her name, regardless of the situation.
Daniel is a really popular name in my family. I have a grandfather an uncle a brother and a cousin in my close family called Daniel and a lot of distant relatives called Daniel too! Gerard is another popular one with 3 uncles called Gerard (2 related 1 married) as well as cousins called Gerard.
My dear partners family are the same with Patrick (Paddy) to the point we have to use surnames and middle names to know who is being talked about at family functions. It can get a little confusing as there are so many but it's not strange at all. In my opinion there is nothing wrong with the same name throughout family. Your db and soon to be dsil can use the name for their hypothetical but might not ever happen daughter.
Congratulations on your little princess

Enkopkaffetak · 10/12/2016 06:34

Op when I was expecting dd2 dh and I considered a variant of my paternal grandmothers name (she was named Petra we were considering Petrina) My sister on hearing this told me " no you cant do that as if I was to ever have another child that is the name I want"

Sister has a dd and never wanted any more children. Always only wanted the 1. So why the heck should we leave a name we liked on the offchance my sister might change her name? Sis was completely serious too.

We didn't name dd2 Petrina as she didn't feel like one when she did arrive. However I still get mildly annoyed when I think about sis comment..

obviously YANBU your brother and future SIL however lives on a different planet where it clearly revolves around her.

SleepFreeZone · 10/12/2016 06:40

She can still use the name. People love an alternative spelling nowadays so perhaps they can spell it Sofie instead.

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