to ask for the most bizarre advice you've been given after this gem from my mum (lighthearted)

[CherryChasingDotMuncher]

I'm due baby no 2 in 5 weeks, I work in the hospital I'm giving birth in, and my mum also used to work there about 10 years ago.

I work closely with the chief executive in my job and am in the office next door. My mum has told me that when I go in to give birth, to get "star treatment" and a room of my own in postnatal, I should tell them that I work next door to the chief exec and they will give me what I want.

I actually giggled as I could imagine just how obnoxious I'd sound rolling in mid-contraction and saying "I work with the chief exec you know. What you gonna do with that information?" And then having midwives flocking round giving me pedicures and the like

She is adamant she's right! I joked that he's universally disliked to they'd probably put me in the corridor if anything! Even if I did have the brass neck to say this, I really would rather a side room go to a woman who needs one, and although I'm a high-risk birth it probably wouldn't be me! I'd rather have one on the premise of actually needing one, not because of who I "know".

It inspired me to ask the members of MN for the most bizarre advice you've been given?

sharpen a bar of soap and put it up DS bum, rotating clockwise etc to loosen it all up

I had to give poor baby DS glycerin suppositories for dreadful constipation at one point, so if it was glycerin soap I sort of get it. I'd still only use an actual, prescribed suppository though for fear of what damage I might do to the poor kid, mind.

Apart from the ones about crap care these are brilliant! DH's stepmum advised pork chop bones for teething babies to chew on clearly the invention on infant bonjela had passed her by!

Paying in cash does sometimes get you a discount, usually in small businesses - got £50 knocked off my bill recently when I bought three sets of earrings from an independent jewellers (Christmas presents).

Need to try the soap thing!

Trying to think of what strange advice I've been given but my minds gone blank

I just use the ends of whatever soap we'be been using. I think there are two possibilities - 1. there might be magnesium in the soap which helps with cramp and is best absorbed through the skin, 2. The lumpiness of the soap gets in the way and keeps your legs moving so may help with circulation.

I will concur to the soap under the sheets. It is completely insane but the only time I now get restless legs is if it falls out. Bonkers

My grandma says it's fine for vegetarians to eat chicken soup because if you take the actual chicken out then it's not a meat soup

I'm also trying the soap thing as I get agonising cramp! Tomorrow though as we have no bars of soap in and I'm assuming shower gel doesn't count

I agree with paying with cash can sometimes save you a bit of money with smaller businesses, as the banks charge quite a lot of debit and credit card transactions.

I reckon shower gel counts. But you have to squeeze it from the pack.

[triggers own bizarre advice thread]

Funnily enough the most bizarre advice I had from my mum was thus weekend just gone:

"Make sure you avoid Muslims in lifts..."

Possibly the first time in my life I've ever been speechless.

Oh and there was ex MIL's pearls of wisdom re bathing.

"Too much Radox will make you pass out because the herbs are so powerful"

and

"You know you're overweight because you have so many long hot baths and your body absorbs the water through your pores and turns it into extra weight".

It's a miracle I'm sane tbh.

My mum told me I shouldn't have helped move the old sofa out of the house because 'I might pop my cervix'.
More recently she suggested my son when he had a cold would get a chest infection because he kept sniffing up and swallowing his snot, instead of spitting it out. "Mum, when you swallow it goes in your stomach. Basic Biological Fact."
"Only about 90% of it. The rest goes in your chest. I know you work in a hospital but I do know some things myself." Riiiiiiight.

I was thinking quite recently of a gem the mother of a school friend used to tell her 3 girls. She claimed that if you had sex before the age of21 it made your bum get really really fat, so if you had a fat bum it meant everyone knew what you had been doing.

When I think about that now - and the reasons that were undoubtedly behind that - I think how warped that was.

Another friend's mother used to get really cross when I stayed over and would comb or brush my hair after the shower. Apparently combing wet hair attracted nits.

Powerful Radox herbs

Pandora did your mum say why they should be avoided?

My Mum told me it's ok to eat the brown apples from the ground under the tree, because"they aren't off love, they are just brown".

Yeah, right thanks Mum😂

My mil actually put little pieces of olive oil soap up dps bum when he was a baby to relieve constipation.

She also never brushed his baby teeth because they just fall out so dont need cleaning.

My DM has just told me tonight that her physio has advised her to ask to have the Mirena coil fitted after she has had her hysterectomy. I have pointed out that this would be impossible. She then tried to argue that it's ok because the coil goes in the womb and she is having her uterus removed. I can't wait to hear what happens when she discusses this with the surgeon

My grandmother, who would otherwise have run a mile before discussing anything remotely personal/sexual etc. (her own daughters weren't told about periods), initiated the most bizarre conversation I have ever had when I was about 10 and she told me, completely out of the blue, that if I ever let a boy touch my breasts I would be instantly overpowered with desire and unable to resist any further advances. 'Never let him touch your breasts because there's no way back from there.'

You shouldn't have your window open at night or you'll be choked by all the plants emitting carbon dioxide. In London.

Baby will sleep better once she's put in her own room. The only reason she wakes in the night is because of having to be in the parents' bedroom. Unfortunately, I was bullied into doing this a long time before I thought dd was ready and it just meant having to traipse into another room.

That I can "condition" my pale skin to tan by "toughening it up", ie letting it burn and then it will tan easier. Instead of just going lobster red, peeling and then going drip white again.
How to pronounce Spanish places when I went to Lanzarote on holiday, my mum and stepdad had gone there a lot and said if I didnt say it right the taxi driver at the airport wouldn't understand. So I said it "right", and stood there 5 minutes waiting for the taxi driver to stop pissing himself laughing.

We got £5 off in currys for buying something for £100 when paying in cash.

How were you saying it, Berts?

My German exchange girl's mother thought it dangerous to have a bath or wash your hair during your period. While I was staying with the family the younger daughter threw a fit because she wasn't allowed to wash her hair. I can still remember the conversation - the girl wildly wailing that she couldn't bear it any more, and Mutti tutting, 'Always a drama!'

This was in the 60s and even then I thought it like something out of the dark ages. We had no such antiquated nonsense at home.

My sister has tried on numerous occasions to convince me that rubbing my own piss onto my face will help prevent wrinkles. I'll stick to the Olay, ta.

My mum to this day insists that sitting on a stone or concrete step = instant piles.

Not to have my laptop on my lap (duh) because it would make me infertile. I now have a very healthy child.