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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have asked for an apology?

78 replies

Timeforausernamechange · 09/12/2016 13:52

We were at the soft play and DS (13 months) was playing on a light up floor game with another tiny toddler when they were joined by 3 boisterous 4-5 year olds. I was fine with this as there was plenty of space. However the largest of the other children accidentally sent DS flying. DS is a younger sibling and fairly robust but he hit the ground hard and started screaming.
I picked him up and turned to the other child and said " Could you say sorry to the baby?" (I Was sitting down and had to look up to the child and spoke very softly) immediately his mum who had been standing behind us rushed over and upset - I explained that I had only asked him to say sorry. She said "No. He (my DS) is just a baby and he (her DS) didn't do anything, he was just dancing"

What does it matter if my DS is just a baby? Is it ok to knock him flying? I was livid but didn't want to make a scene and so scooped up screaming DS and left the area. She stood over her DS and his friends on the floor area for the next 30 mins and no other children went on. ( I was sitting down with DS waiting for DD to play in another part of the play area.)

AIBU to have spoken to this child? I did not know that his mum was there ( we'd previously had to leave the toddler are as these boys were throwing the soft play cushions about and being rude - with no parent in sight).

Was she BU to say that her son didn't need to say sorry as my DS is 'only a baby'?

OP posts:
NotYoda · 10/12/2016 03:47

The mistake the other mother made was in showing more concern for her child than yours, who was hurt (whether accidentally or not).

It's important that she models concern and apologises on behalf of her small child, rather than getting defensive and claiming there's no need to apologise

The child's apology is neither here nor there - genuine apologies may come later. But if his mother shows no expectation at all that he should even care about the consequences of his actions, then she's not doing her job well in terms of teaching empathy or self-control

Mummyoflittledragon · 10/12/2016 03:55

Preschool age my dd was terrible at apologising. Had I tried to elicit a sorry it would have taken punishments and about half an hour to get a forced apology. Not because she had no appreciation but because she would be too upset. So no, not all children will just blithely or meaningfully say sorry at that age.

However, the mother sounds like an entitled twat. In that situation, I would have been instructing him to be careful of your baby and apologised on his behalf. I then would have explained to him what he did and tell him to be more careful. Or moved him away. That said, you were in the main area, which I assume is designed for oldest children, not your baby. So you can't expect no boisterousness.

I'd.be annoyed with the mother, not the child and the lack of parenting. He's only little so he can't help the way he is.

DixieWishbone · 10/12/2016 14:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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