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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is my DH regarding our son being bitten at Nursery.

78 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 08/12/2016 22:36

My husband phoned me earlier today after he'd picked DS up from nursery (he's aged 2yr 10m) to says he'd been bitten twice whilst there.

When I came home from work I saw one bite on DS's thumb, which was really red and there was a bruise underneath the nail, and the second bite had left a full on circular mark of the child's mouth on his left arm with some marking that were indentations from the teeth.

The child who did both bites was just under two years old.

My husband was furious about it.

I on the other hand said some young toddlers just go through a biting phase and that's not to say it is acceptable but at the same time it's just something that happened and nobody is culpable I.e it isn't the Nursery's fault.

I said it could just have easily been our son who hurt another child and reminded him that it was only 6/7 months ago that DS's previous childminder had to tell us that he was frequently pushing other children and causing them to fall over and hurt themselves. My DH said, "True, but biting is different."

My DH has said he wants to remove DS from the nursery.

I was upset when I saw the bite marks because I obviously don't like to think of my DS being hurt but I don't think this one off incident justifies pulling DS out of the nursery.

I said to DH that even if we did change Nursery there's no guarantee that DS wouldn't receive a similar injury, or another type of injury inflicted by or caused by another young child.

My husband seems to think I'm not taking it seriously enough whereas I am currently of the thinking that it's unfortunate it happened but as a one off event it's not enough to change childcare setting.

So who is BU?
What would you do?

OP posts:
OwlinaTree · 08/12/2016 23:24

bravo No I disagree, your family must have been lucky! My mum always says if a child bit the mum would bite them back. So it must have been happening in the 70s/80s!

NatureAbhorsAHoover · 08/12/2016 23:27

Yep, bite 'me back was the rule when I was little my mum tells me Grin

SortAllTheThings · 08/12/2016 23:30

Your DH is being ridiculous. My DD has been bitten 3 times in nursery over the last 6 months or so. Hard enough to leave a mark a couple of hours later. When the staff told me I could tell they were worried about my reaction. I guess a lot of parents kick off about it. It happens, they can't stop it, and tbh need to realise that their own kid (probably their nso) will be a biter

Craftyoldhen · 08/12/2016 23:33

My sister bit the arm of a girl in her class when she was 5. When she was asked why she did it she said "her arm just looked really juicy"! She has a PhD and is a upstanding member of society now.

stillwantrachelshair · 08/12/2016 23:36

One of my earliest memories is of a boy biting me. It would have been in '78 or '79. I also remember my mum being mortified in the early '80s when my brother went through a biting phase.

DS got bitten twice at nursery. I did contact them after the first incident as I had been told nothing about it at pick up at 5.45ish, got home, gave DS a snack & then put him in the bath & I noticed teeth marks in his back and, when I then looked at his vest, could see little holes in them. Nursery said DS had got very upset all of a sudden but they hadn't seen what happened, couldn't see anything obvious & he calmed down quickly. I was happy with that explanation as, if the same thing had happened at home, I wouldn't have pulled his trousers down, unpopperes his best & checked him over if he had calmed down.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 08/12/2016 23:40

The thing is though. If he moves him from that nursery where ever you put him. There will be a biter or a pusher there. He can't just be getting moved.
2 year olds bite 1,000 times a day. As you say your own ds went through a phase of pushing other children over.
Kids'll be kids.
Hope your little one is okay now.

DixieNormas · 08/12/2016 23:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LovingLola · 08/12/2016 23:44

If it continues on and your child is bitten more than once or twice more then I would look at how the nursery staff are monitoring the biting child. How is your own child about being bitten? My son would have lost his life if someone bit him - my daughter not so much.

FrayedHem · 08/12/2016 23:44

And thinking about DS2 was pushed by another child in preschool and sent flying face-first into a wall. He still has a scar on his eyelid from it and he's 9 now. But it's just one of those things.

foofooyeah · 08/12/2016 23:45

My niece was a terrible biter, my sister had a birthday party for her and she bit every child. She's nearly forty now and it's no longer a problem 😀

DixieNormas · 08/12/2016 23:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FrayedHem · 08/12/2016 23:50

My niece was a terrible biter, my sister had a birthday party for her and she bit every child.

Was that in lieu of a present? No presents, just present a body part for a nibble? Or did they line up wedding reception style "thanks for coming" CHOMP

VforVienetta · 08/12/2016 23:53

YANBU, but I'm afraid your DH is.
Having had a serial biter (we tried everything), I'd far rather my child be bitten than be the biter.

As it's happened twice, it may be worth asking the nursery what steps they're taking to avoid it happening again, perhaps the other child is prone to biting in certain circs, or could move groups.

I know how awful it feels to see such a 'primal' injury on them (my DC2 has been bitten), but yes, in groups of toddlers there will be the occasional biting.

I wonder how your DH will take it when your DC inevitably hurts someone else, will he expect that child's parents to be furious with the nursery and remove them?

awayinamazda · 08/12/2016 23:59

Your DH is overreacting, but I'm sure its because he's upset that his DC has been hurt, and is feeling protective (and perhaps annoyed because he feels powerless to protect DC, so is reacting by wanting to take control, by removing him from the scene where it happened).
Perhaps you can talk to him about how angry it makes him feel, but that things like this are sometimes going to happen, and it is part of growing up for a DC, and as you have said, could happen anywhere.

DramaInPyjamas · 09/12/2016 00:08

My son was a biter - twice within a week at playgroup he bit the same boy

The dad had a completely over the top reaction as well, demanding my boy was thrown out etc
in fact I was more upset than the bitten child, who didn't seem to care

The mum was more like you, calm rational - these things happen

Lynnm63 · 09/12/2016 00:22

Toddlers bite ds1 bit another child at an airport. I was mortified I apologised profusely to the parents who said "stop apologising, it's fine. He used to bite and he grew out of it, so will yours" ds1 is 16 now and he no longer bites Grin

LucyBabs · 09/12/2016 00:29

I worked with children for 7 years before having my own dc. Biting was our number one nightmare. I worked in the toddler room for 2 years so had plenty of biters. We had an 18 month old little girl who seemed to take a disliking to a little boy similar age. She used to make a bee line for him every morning trying to sink her teeth into him! We were once doing circle time, the biter ducked under my arm and bit the little boy on the face. All we could do was try to keep them on opposite sides of the room. I felt terrible for the little boy and his parents.

ScoobyDoosTinklyLaugh · 09/12/2016 00:44

My daughters a bad biter at the moment. There's no rhyme or reason to it - sometimes she bites me when I stop her doing something and sometimes she looks really happy and excited to see another child and sinks her teeth in Confused she's seems quite good natured apart from the biting.

BravoPanda my daughters never been in any form of childcare, only me and DP look after her.

ItsRainingDeer · 09/12/2016 05:33

My DD was a biter, probably because DS was bigger and stronger than her so it was her only defence if he stole a toy etc. As far as I know, she only ever bit DS and me. She grew out of it and we didn't try to re-home her!

ItsRainingDeer · 09/12/2016 05:36

And yesBravoPanda, I came home several times with teeth marks on me, my mum used to tell a story about it. All from the same boy, not just me.

Oblomov16 · 09/12/2016 05:38

Yes, it happens. Years ago, Ds1 was bitten on the cheek, whole set of teeth : top and bottom, clearly visible and then turned blue/purple, lasted a week.
Not great.
Tell nursery dh was concerned. Ask what is being done to avoid re-occurrence.
That is as much as you can do.

toomuchtooold · 09/12/2016 05:39

I'm with you. They do it quick as a flash too - I remember DT1 biting DT2 at that age right in front of me and me being too slow to stop it. So it wouldn't make me judge the nursery, as I know how hard it can be to prevent it.

SisterMortificado · 09/12/2016 06:07

He's being unreasonable. Toddlers bite, it takes maybe a second and it's not like there's a bar saying "Bite Loading...3...2...1...!"

DD got bitten twice by separate biters on the same day. The staff were upset it happened, but the second biter was a first time offender and so they really had no chance to stop it.

It's crap, and it's hard to see your DC hurt but they come through it.

And anyway, who's to say the "better, non-bitey" nursery doesn't have a hair-puller, or a hitter?

mathanxiety · 09/12/2016 06:16

One bite I would shrug off, but two on the same day, maybe from the same biter?

I would ask to see the report.

insancerre · 09/12/2016 06:34

In my nursery when a child is bitten we give a fact sheet to both children's parents explaining why children bite
Your husband is massively over reacting
I think he should spend a week in a toddler room and let him try to stop the biting