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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

partner on office christmas booze up

87 replies

Sunflower999 · 08/12/2016 21:05

Would welcome your thoughts on this one: partner is currently out on work christmas party. We have a two year old and a 19 week old baby. I don't object to him going out for the evening however rather than coming home or staying at my parent's house he has booked himself into the Hilton for the night. He didn't want to stay with my parents (which would have been a short taxi ride to get back) in case I also stayed there with toddler and baby and he might have been disturbed in the night/asked to do something. He claims we discussed this which we definitely didn't. He mentioned it about a month or so ago and then we were probably distracted by toddler throwing something or something similar but I definitely didn't agree to it. He could have got a train and bus home or stayed at my parents, or I suppose booked a cheap room at the Travel Lodge but instead chose to stay at the Hilton so he can have a good nights sleep, nice breakfast and a jacuzzi in the morning before going into work (probably late). AIBU to object to this?

OP posts:
chocolateworshipper · 08/12/2016 21:34

Totally fine. I'm sure you're looking forward to your turn - which he has undoubtably booked as a lovely surprise for you Wink

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 08/12/2016 21:34

Cross-posts, but still... he's on a Christmas night out, it'd be weird to cut that short to go home to your in-laws, however lovely they are. I love my inlaws, I still wouldn't.

You haven't said that you wouldn't have been there with the children, either... And if his intention was to get a good nights sleep before heading to work tomorrow, that's not awful, really. I know you want a good nights sleep too!

My objection is we don't have loads of cash to shell out on a night at the Hilton and he doesn't offer to take me/us there

I'd talk to him about the second part of that, but not the first. Hilton's aren't huge money; there's rooms in one in central London tonight for £84. That's not much more than the Travelodge, and it'll be cheaper to get to! If you've got childcare for the night/day and you'd like to go away for a night with him, talk to him. That's valid, I think.

RebelRogue · 08/12/2016 21:35

I honestly don't know the difference in price and your financial situation so that's up to you to decide.
You do say however he did talk about it,but toddler might've been distracting you.
He doesn't have to take you,book yourself in and enjoy while he is at home with the kids.
Unless there's a massive backstory and he has form for being unhelpful,selfish etc then YABU.

Artandco · 08/12/2016 21:38

I thinks fine

Book yourself in to go next month and he can have the children alone 24hrs

rollonthesummer · 08/12/2016 21:39

He commented that if he'd stayed at your parents for the night, then you would have too-with the children. Was he right?

thisismyfirsttime · 08/12/2016 21:40

I think I'd be a bit peeved too because he has deliberately engineered a night out and overnight just thinking about himself having a break and you will have no such luxury for the foreseeable!
You should tell him (after, not now) that you feel that you don't get that at all and that it'd be nice if he did a few weekend mornings/ bedtimes/ weekend afternoons/ times that work for you all so you get a bit of a break too. That's only fair surely!

littlesallyracket · 08/12/2016 21:41

My MiL is absolutely lovely and I get on really well with her but no way would I want to go to her house after my office Christmas do.

You can often get pretty reasonable rooms at a Hilton midweek and it's a one-off so honestly, I think YABU. Don't begrudge him one night of sleep and a decent breakfast. I'm sure it's a bit tough missing out on the whole Christmas do thing yourself but you're on mat leave; that's just the way it goes.

It really doesn't sound like it's genuinely the money that's the issue; you just sound jealous.

creakyknees13 · 08/12/2016 21:44

How much did the room cost? Just so that we can put it into some context.

Maegeri · 08/12/2016 21:47

I can see how you are p'd off that he gets a night in the Hilton while you stay at home with the kids but I think its one you just have to suck up. Then when you get a turn to go out you can do the same and say its your turn!

HoopsandEverything · 08/12/2016 21:47

YABU about him staying with your parents (YABRU).

If cash is tight he should have stayed somewhere cheaper so that next month you could have gone for a night and stayed too. Obviously if cash is tight, you don't want to both be paying for nights in the Hilton and I can see that point of view.

GeorgeTheThird · 08/12/2016 21:51

I think it's a bit too late to object!

NashvilleQueen · 08/12/2016 21:52

Do you suspect (or have an anxiety) that there is more to his choosing to stay in a hotel than simply convenice and not wanting to disturb the in laws?

EweAreHere · 08/12/2016 21:55

I don't blame you, OP.

If cash is tight, then he's going well over the top. That is money that could have been used to benefit the family, not just himself. You are doing the lion's share of looking after a baby and a toddler, and know what it means to be tired, too. He could have had a perfectly good night's sleep at a Travelodge is he was determined not to take up the other options.

NerrSnerr · 08/12/2016 21:55

If the 19 week old is still breastfed overnight as soon as they don't need night feeds or will take some expressed milk why don't you just book a hotel for the night and have a break?

I also can't think of anything worse than staying with my inlaws after a night out. Of course you think they're lovely, they're your parents.

creakyknees13 · 08/12/2016 21:56

Do you suspect (or have an anxiety) that there is more to his choosing to stay in a hotel than simply convenice and not wanting to disturb the in laws?
Well, she will do now, even if she didn't before... She did say that she didn't mind him booking a room at the travel lodge.

228agreenend · 08/12/2016 22:03

My dh would probably spend the night at the Hilton/travel lodge/premier inn, whatever was available. I don't see any problems with that at all.

Maybe he thought he had mentioned it. It's easy to go to say something, get distracted, and then think you've said it.

Ilovetorrentialrain · 08/12/2016 22:10

OP is the cost difference huge? If not and you're not in financial hardship because of his decision I'd really just let this go.

BolivarAtasco · 08/12/2016 22:12

Then suggest to him that you both go away for a night rather than seething resentfully because he got a night in a hotel and you didn't and it's ALL SO UNFAIR because kids.

Honestly, YABU about this. If I was going on a work night out and wanted a few drinks, literally the last thing on earth that I'd welcome is having to get a taxi back to my ILs and sleep there, no matter how well I got on with them.

Duck90 · 08/12/2016 22:16

Is the party at the Hilton?

Shirleyucantbeserious · 08/12/2016 22:20

Yabu. It's his works night out he prob just wants to collapse drunk into bed and have a good nights sleep before work. Would you want to spend all evening thinking I must get back to in laws they're expecting me? I've booked a hotel the night of xmas party had to pay more than usual as they're are hardly any hotel rooms available in the city that night. Have also booked next morning off work so I can enjoy the lie in. If it bothers you that much book yourself into a hotel overnight in the new year. I used to do this quite often when our really bad sleeper DS was young

Thattimeofyearagain · 08/12/2016 22:24

Yes YABU.

BerylStreep · 08/12/2016 22:24

I can see your point. When my DC were that little it was bloody hard work, and I hated DH for having the freedom to disappear off to work, have adult conversation, lunch breaks and uninterrupted sleep during week nights whilst I was trying to hold it all together with no effing sleep.

The thought of him gaily having a night out partying then having a good night's sleep followed by breakfast and jacuzzi would have tipped me over the edge to frenzied rage.

The money wouldn't have been an issue.

ZippyNeedsFeeding · 08/12/2016 22:29

When you're exhausted and see no prospect of a break in the foreseeable future, it's hard to see the one person who should help and support you going off for a nice break and a good night's sleep while you mind the kids alone.

Do you feel supported generally? Or are you left to do most of the childcare and housework? Some people do seem to think that being on maternity leave means you have nothing to do, and hence no need of help. If that's the case, then there lies your real problem.

On the plus side, at least you won't have an over-amorous drunk breathing beer fumes all over you. Mr Zippy doesn't drink any more, but when he did he was an arse and I would probably have paid for him to be drunk somewhere I didn't have to see him!

Bluntness100 · 08/12/2016 22:33

I think you're being unreasonable, because it looks like you've said yes you can go, but only if you cut it short and don't enjoy yourself too much and come home to either me or my parents and if you have to stay out could you stay someplace crap please.

I would also hate to have to go back to my in laws after a works Xmas party, and I am unsure of the difference in hotel prices here, I doubt it can be that much?

If he's a decent husband and father in all other respects, let him go to his Xmas party and have fun and don't make it difficult for him.

holidaysaregreat · 08/12/2016 22:38

YANBU if money is a bit tight it seems like a lot to spend on a night out. We would not have that amount of cash spare to spend in one night & that would be probably the month's budget gone :( I don't see why he can't come home? I wouldn't expect him to want to stay with in laws, but hotel does seem OTT. If you were loaded then it wouldn't really be an issue.

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