To be really upset by this so called "mummy friend"

[ninenicknames]

My just turned 3 DS has real anger issues!

Shouts at me, is rude to me, the list is endless of his behaviour.

I've started to do an e course on parenting to help me through this, but am I the only one with a 3 year old that is so rude!

Straw that broke the camels back this week was a "so called" friend sticking her ore in with various comments about DS & how wonderfully behaved her DD 2.10y is.

I felt so low & belittled by her. She was barking at me as to how I should deal with DS (I've tried all her suggestions).

I just left her house in the end and no joke her parting words were "maybe I've just been blessed with an angel child"

Don't know what I am really asking here, whether it's an AIBU to tell her to go jump in the most diplomatic way or just leave it & take a step back?

Or .... does anyone have any useful tips or even just tell me this is normal for a 3 year old boy.

She's really upset me, she's also queen bee in "the mummy group" talks about people behind their backs & I now wonder what the hell she says about me!

I'm a totally lone parent BTW, hence doing the parenting course so I am prepared as I can be.

She also bangs on about her parenting skills and how they work every time i.e. We only have to threaten ringing father Xmas and DD instantly behaves

Also what happens in Jan ....

Will smug friend start threatening the Easter fucking bunny!?!

abnormal :)

If queen bee is undermining you and criticising your child she's probably doing the same to others. If you don't want to back off from the whole group casually get a little closer to one or two of the mums who are lower in the pecking order. You may well find others who aren't that keen on wondermum! 💐
Enjoy your little horror, he'll grow out of it and I'm sure he's gorgeous anyway. Sounds as if he's coping very well with nursery. Completely ignore the nasty things he says to you, don't let him see it bothers you. Most of us have been there!

As my lovely Mum said 'it's all a phase and it will pass'

My DD was very easy until she hit 14 - I had a hotline to the police station and was on first name terms with the desk Sargeant .

Bide your time Op , bide your time !

I had the same! I was a lone parent for many years, with a very, very demanding child. I can safely say now I was a brilliant parent!

However I didn't have this confidence at the time, and had a queen Bee mum at primary school remind me often. One of my good friends also used to look aghast as I struggled with my child. The same good friend had angel children, and then had a late third child, who was demanding too and had to eat her words! Oh how I laughed... ho ho.

It is worth doing a parenting course, it is worth thinking about your relationship with your child, it is worth setting expectations, even at 3, that there is no rudeness to you. A child like yours needs a stronger parent than more 'amenable' shall we say, kids. Mine did, and it is really hard. My child is great, but boy did I have to step up. It wasn't my fault I got a demanding kid, and it isn't yours. But the rewards when you start to get on top of it, you end up so much happier all round. And best do it now before teenagehood sets in.

But ignore smug parents. It'll come back to bite them!

I remember feeling really cheated that 3 was much worse than 'the terrible 2s'. Just believe that, as others have said, if they are perfectly behaved with everyone else that is the important thing.

Firstly calling Santa is not good parenting

Oh. Shit.

ninenicknames I am going to tell you what I would do and you are very free to ignore me!

Just for the record I have a dd who is very dyslexic with autistic tenancies (birth daughter) and was very difficult between about age 5 and 8.

I've also got a very emotional adopted son, (aged 6).

This is some of what has worked for me (us).

-Do no waste time with people who in any way belittle you or your child, unless you are stuck in social situations with them (in which case keep a cool distance).

-As she is queen bee you do not need to piss her off unnecessarily, or confront her. You just need to lesson off the time you spend so you are not spending any time with her alone/with kids and only see her when she is in a group.

• Do not share with her about your child! She does not understand. Her child is currently quite compliant. The child may or may not always be so - but she is not someone who can help you and she will only made you feel bad (unnecessarily!)

• speak to your health visitor or school's link worker when your ds is in a school/nursery and be open to professional advice. This advice should be based on evidence of what works for young kids and not on outdated modes of how to guilt children into behaving.

• Get hold of a booked called the parenting puzzle and/or try and go on a course called the Family Links Nurturing course

It' a one day a week, 10 week course, and is excellent.

This course may be offered free in your area and even offered with a free creche - you may need your health visitor or schools link worker, in future, to refer you. The book should come free with the course.

Or book could be borrowed from a library, the library should be able to order it for you (it is so good you can say it comes highly recommended).

I did this 4 years ago and it is brilliant. It is not about blackmailing your child with Father Christmas.

-I am dyslexic and hate books with a passion but highly recommend this one, [[https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/1848123094 How to talk so children listen and listen so children talk]]

-Your son may simply be a bit angry and a bit rude, and if you are able to consistently follow some of the guidance for 'take a break' (time out but very short, no big 'sorry' and really just 2 minutes to get their mind of what happened), and lots of building him up etc, modelling polite speech etc (which I am sure you do already) he may just naturally grow out of 'it'.

My dd was a very angry and emotional girl and it was not until she was about 8 that I really begun to get a handle on it (it started when she 5, especially at 6 - but did appear eariler, so we had two years of lots of emotions and now, she is 12, things have got steadily better).

-Lastly, be open to the possibility your son may have some additional reason like ADHD, ASD, etc, which might be making things like they are. If he does, you can still learn what helps him (and you) to cope. He will still be your little boy; and one day your great big grown up son. But you will feel better knowing that there are some circumstances outside of your parenting which may cause things to be this way. If this is not the case, and it may well not be the case, then eventually your parenting will win him over and he will calm down, I think IMHO.

I'd also be tempted to find some cartoons or story books about manners, and rudeness, and get him to identify what is rude behavior, and why it is unhelpful, and how to change it. If he can identify for himself what the problem is, he will learn better.

childrensbooksguide.com/manners

Good luck.

Hello OP, I had (have) a very angry dd who was always this way - from birth. I used to have parents complaining to teachers about her.

She's still difficult and she's 11 now. But lovely lots of the time.

Have you tried lovebombing (google it). I think angry behaviour can be caused by other issues (in my dds case, I don't think the birth of her younger brother helped) but is also just part of their character sometimes, maybe exacerbated by frustration or other feelings.

ignore your friend by the way. all children are different. I have a few children and my parenting skills are the same for each - they are all completely different. Some are paragons of loveliness and some aren't. I parented them all the same
(hello italiangreyhound - I was beattie bow!).

Oh I had one of these and was on holiday with her!! her little darling was an angle and could do no wrong.....hmm no she was thoroughly spoilt and never told no!

My DS is a very lively one and can be an absolute horror. She told me he needed to see a psychiatrist and that I needed to get on the phone to children's services there and then and get him seen. We were in France at the time but she'd worn me down and what with the effect of my DS being told no to things while hers was allowed to do what she wanted increasing his bad behaviour made me call.

I was in bits. I haven't seen her since and threatened to throw her and her daughter out at Dover...I realised what an utter cow she was on the very long drive home.

Stay away from her, she sounds awful.

MummyFriend? And then smug friend?

That's not a friendship to me.

Just checking , so pretending to call the Elves workshop when babysitting your very much younger brother , is that bad too ?

Shhhh! Never call the Elves

We never ever ring Father Christmas. We use the PNP app and he calls us!

Some 3 year olds are extremely well behaved and compliant, and when they do start to misbehave respond brilliantly to whatever form of discipline is used. I know this because I have one. DS is a joy to have around.

Some parents are smug about having a child like this because they think it's down to their parenting. It's not. I know this because I have another child who, despite being parented the same, was an absolute bloody nightmare.

I'm actually starting to see the funny side of this now

The upside of small dictatorships....there is always a funny side!

She's probably lying anyway ninenicknames maybe her dd is a demon behind closed doors!
My 3yr old dd is angelic... for about 10 mins a day.

So update on Queen Bee

Apparently her DD 2.10 has told her that she doesn't want mini NineNickNames coming to her party because he is grumpy.

She kindly text me this with a then added hit on the end. "is he still grumpy?"

JUST LEAVE ME ALONE

"No, he's Happy"

Seriously, ditch her. I had the perfect first child, to this day I can only thing of a handful (maybe 4 at a push) times she was naughty, she was the sweetest, most biddable child I've ever known. Oh how smug I was, my house was always clean and tidy, we played together, sang I. The bath together, never a cross word.

Then I had DD2, and rapidly realised I was not The Most Amazing Parent Ever. Dear God she was challenging, to put it politely. Highly mobile, sharp as a fucking monkey, into everything, had an answer for everything.

Generally, I'm of the opinion that it's an easy child, not incredible parenting, with the odd exception for the generally shit parents.

Definitely a frienemy, I would tx back and just say oh that's OK we have other plans anyway hope you have a nice party, then silently ditch her.

She's trying to get under your skin to make herself feel superior. She will get a shock one day, children won't be angelic their whole lives.

My dc has had epic tantrums but not often and my friend who was there once did nothing but try and support me through it as she knows the reality of parenting.

I find expecting angelic kids sets them up to fail for when they even do the smallest of things which I don't think is a healthy dynamic.

Today I had someone make a fuss that my dc lied about taking something from a cupboard insignificant and playing with it in front of them.

Was simply dc said it wasn't from the cupboard. I think telling lies is normal to test the water and in order to learn not to lie but they have the opposite view that a child should not lie at all ever and it's concerning if they do.

Oh text her back, please!

Gosh what a rude thing for your DD to say. is fine thanks

Go on - do it.

omg tell her to piss of and take her smugness with her. idiot! you dont need that kind of negativity in your life. well done you for being so proacive. I hope her next kid as a little fucker!

i remember being gutted by the gloating of an acquaintance over her calm and quiet child. years later my noisy, opinionated boy is doing really well and her child is on the spectrum, withdrawn and not able to interact . it really taught me to love the child you have and be grateful and not compare.

Don't feel so down, she is no friend, and her time will come I am sure.