To be really upset by this so called "mummy friend"

[ninenicknames]

My just turned 3 DS has real anger issues!

Shouts at me, is rude to me, the list is endless of his behaviour.

I've started to do an e course on parenting to help me through this, but am I the only one with a 3 year old that is so rude!

Straw that broke the camels back this week was a "so called" friend sticking her ore in with various comments about DS & how wonderfully behaved her DD 2.10y is.

I felt so low & belittled by her. She was barking at me as to how I should deal with DS (I've tried all her suggestions).

I just left her house in the end and no joke her parting words were "maybe I've just been blessed with an angel child"

Don't know what I am really asking here, whether it's an AIBU to tell her to go jump in the most diplomatic way or just leave it & take a step back?

Or .... does anyone have any useful tips or even just tell me this is normal for a 3 year old boy.

She's really upset me, she's also queen bee in "the mummy group" talks about people behind their backs & I now wonder what the hell she says about me!

I'm a totally lone parent BTW, hence doing the parenting course so I am prepared as I can be.

She also bangs on about her parenting skills and how they work every time i.e. We only have to threaten ringing father Xmas and DD instantly behaves

I've never heard of Christmas gifts being considered rewards. To me gifts are given without conditions.

Prizes are given as rewards.

All children are different. No 1 child was angry little sod, he was always hard work, defiant and challenging, he hasn't changed much even though he's an adult. No 2 child was an angel, she was sweet and happy, always laid back but could be moody. 1st one is like me, 2nd one is like her dad.

Its taken me 10 years and 3 dcs dingdong but I finally feel like I know what I'm doing.....bring on the hormones I'm guessing chocolate buttons wont be quite so effective

shes been a cow to say that to you. Shes got absolutely no idea.

We all know people like that. Please dont take it to heart. x

My threenager tests me. Daily. I am not entirely sure how he is still alive and I am still sane, so you have my sympathy. You need to drop your frenemy and her suggestions - they are different children at different stages. She is just pushing your buttons for the hell of it and does not deserve your attention.

dingdong because it's an empty threat.

Your child could throw a huge tantrum on Christmas Eve and they'll still get presents in Christmas morning won't they?

I don't make threats I won't carry out.

My children have never been told "be good for Santa". They are always expected to be good. Christmas is not a special case.

Also I don't believer in abdicating parental responsibility to someone else so "be good or we'll call the policeman/the waitress/Santa/Granny etc don't work for me.

mine is only two but fully expect her to be a three year old like yours. I took her into town earlier and 45 minutes of her clinging on to my leg screaming blue murder because she couldn't go on a sodding ride, wasn't allowed to shoplift and shock horror I wouldn't allow her to prat around in a car park.. screamed, kicked, hit for 45 sodding minutes until I thought fuck it I'm going home.

nothing helpful but perfect parents don't exist

I had a very difficult baby and toddler, it's bloody lonely when they seem so much more difficulties than friends' children. I had a second baby who was a dream in comparison, normal crying and tantrums was a breeze. If she's only had an easy child she will be deluded thinking it's all down to her wonderful parenting. I remember similar, she gave us a fecking Gina Ford book. She sleep trained her kids, left them to cry etc and we should do the same rather than feed on demand etc, she then joined a group of attachement mums! Twat.

My eldest is facing an ADHD diagnosis so there was a reason why. Have you asked for HV or GP support? They may be able to get some support for you as well as assess his behaviour. We did at age 3 but it was too easily for proper assessments, it's been a slog and doing it alone would be so much harder.

As user says - all children are different. What works for one doesn't always work for another. But this is only obvious when you have both children and parented them the same. Fwiw - my DD was very easy going and did what I asked at 3, DS did not. Now they both don't listen

Tend to use consequential discipline with a fairly reasonable level of success - such as "if you do X again then no Y".

BTW - that person's a cunt, not a friend. Block & ignore.

Thank you sim much for all your kind and positive replies.

My DS has never hurt her DD or another child for that matter, he always has a glowing report from CM & Nursery.

He's just a rude bastard to me!

It's her smugness that made me feel shit.

And like a pp said nothing works with my DS, I say "it's not nice to be mean or rude to mummy" he basically shouts YOU'RE RUDE & YOU ARE NOTHING

Thank you again for the kind words, I think my threenager is going to be a tough one. But I will & have to get through it!

Fuck her smugness! Oh and I've just remembered another one ..... apparently her DD sat on a long journey 6.5hrs "like an angel"

My DS would be trying to escape!

So to recap, no he's never lashed out, hit, pushed or even snatched anything from her DD or any other child - he's just a rude fucker to me!

We've got this comrades!

Have you tried a sticker reward chart thing....mine loved stickers...

Re Father Christmas, I don't believer in abdicating parental responsibility

Ignore this ghastly woman, maybe get her out of your life, although if she is a part of a group of friends, this may be difficult. If I had to be stuck on a desert island with either this woman or your little one, I'd choose your three year old!

You are being very proactive and responsible by doing a parenting course. As others have said here, do what you can to have fun and keep up the praising when there is something to praise. When you've got a pleasant helpful teenager and your unpleasant friend has the teenager from hell, you can have a few laughs.

Stickers / Reward chart / time out / naughty Step ..... nope, none of it works

I always follow through on threats.

He's just a shit to me.

It's more her I am referring to I think.

DS & I will get through this.

I've done the 3 year old thing four times and had a fairly easy ride only once. We can all be pleased with ourselves if we get lucky but anyone who has had more than one child will tell you that they're all different and the 'angel child' is as temporary as the 'devilish child' and no two children are alike, so it's unlikely to be about her superior parenting skills (as I'm sure she'll discover). I'd steer clear of her, what you're experiencing is pretty normal. With my last child I spent two years apologising to other mothers (usually the po-faced perfect first time mothers of compliant girls), then at about 5-6 my son calmed right down and by year 4 those mothers were tackling bickering girls and/or had sons themselves who were thumping everyone in sight. Lesson for your 'friend' don't be judgemental when your child is under three; you're not out of the parenting woods yet and your massive parenting balls ups are all in front of you.

Ha!

BFF and I congratulated ourselves with our excellent parenting skills as we watched our other friend's DS be an absolute animal.

But then we each had a second child, both little gits! How our other friend laughed!

It's not you. They don't call it the terrible twos/threes for nothing. Don't worry. He will get past this stage. Just be glad he behaves well at nursery. It shows you he can if he wants.

op, well done on starting the parenting course. hope you get support on it aswell as advice

Try love bombing...it works x

I did read somewhere that they play up when they feel safe, so you are his favourite person really

Doing the parenting course is a brilliant step. I did a teen one a while ago (it was one where you attend rather than online) and one of the most useful things was realising you're not alone and how normal so many of the behaviours that drive us crazy are. You also learn to cut yourself and your DC some slack. As opposed to know-all frenemies, these courses tend to want you to succeed. You'll learn a few techniques which will get you through to the next stage. The fact that you're doing the course shows that you are a great mum with an open mind to trying out different approaches. This is in contrast to your friend who thinks she's always right. It's your open approach which will pay dividends for your future as a parent.

All children are different and then they go through some terrible stages. I feel sorry for your mummy friend, I've got a feeling that the smile is going to wiped off her face before too long.

Well done for looking for positive solutions for your child, OP.

Suki & cowgirl - what kind words!

And by the way YOU all are wonderful parents too, it's effing hard I tell you

Atenco exactly.

I would take a step back.

The angel child comment might have been well meant but clumsy. As if she was saying that maybe it wasn't her techniques but the luck of the draw?

I love the 'how to talk so your kids will listen and listen so your kids will talk'. But as long as you keep trying and don't go passive and give up, you will of course get there and it would be normal not to have Moments :)