To be really upset by this so called "mummy friend"

[ninenicknames]

My just turned 3 DS has real anger issues!

Shouts at me, is rude to me, the list is endless of his behaviour.

I've started to do an e course on parenting to help me through this, but am I the only one with a 3 year old that is so rude!

Straw that broke the camels back this week was a "so called" friend sticking her ore in with various comments about DS & how wonderfully behaved her DD 2.10y is.

I felt so low & belittled by her. She was barking at me as to how I should deal with DS (I've tried all her suggestions).

I just left her house in the end and no joke her parting words were "maybe I've just been blessed with an angel child"

Don't know what I am really asking here, whether it's an AIBU to tell her to go jump in the most diplomatic way or just leave it & take a step back?

Or .... does anyone have any useful tips or even just tell me this is normal for a 3 year old boy.

She's really upset me, she's also queen bee in "the mummy group" talks about people behind their backs & I now wonder what the hell she says about me!

I'm a totally lone parent BTW, hence doing the parenting course so I am prepared as I can be.

She also bangs on about her parenting skills and how they work every time i.e. We only have to threaten ringing father Xmas and DD instantly behaves

Well, for one, I highly doubt that her 'angel' behaves at the mention of Santa Clause! Also a contradiction on her part if her daughter behaves but she needs to threaten/blackmail her.

She is definitely not a good friend. You sounds like you are taking a very proactive route and I hope it works for you

She is not a friend

IME all normal 3 year olds are small savages, they do get easier, ignore the ubermommy she will find her little angel can turn into a devil.

I am afraid I have no experience of the anger issues you describe but I am sure you will be deluged with replies telling you that it's terribly common & not to worry. However I just wanted to say how brilliant you are being with your proactive approach in taking this course. Well done you and just ignore this harridan. She sounds full of self importance & lacking in kindness and sympathy. Hate that queen bee type.

And if her dd is 10, and still being threatened with father Christmas the hormonal preteen shitstorm on the horizon will be a thing of beauty to watch

Ive taught parenting courses. I still find my beautiful, lovely, beloved son utterly impossible some days. Toddlers are tough and you need friends who are going to listen, give you a hug and tell you to keep going NOT ones who make you feel rubbish.

Op I was a fab parent when I had dd1 - my non tantruming perfect toddler. Suddenly my parenting skills failed with dd2&3, oh no wait they are just a very different dc with a totally different temperament to dd1. They knew how to throw the most spectacular tantrums!

Honestly op, be consistent, pick your battles and just as you think you're failing and it's not working, keep going as it really does sink in eventually. Remember to do fun things with ds too - I know the feeling that you're constantly battling with a small person so treasure the mini victories and positively tell him you've had fun with him etc when he's been good. Nothing will change overnight and your so called smug friend may have a perfect dc now but maybe her dc is saving up a heap of shit for the teen years (this is what I used to tell myself).

Both my boys at 2yo were absolute darlings.
At 3 years old they were absolute bastards.

I do NOT like the 3 year old stage. In fact, I hated it. So much so we will never have a third child, I simply can't go through it again. It's too hard.

What works for some doesn't for others. Reward charts and naughty steps didn't work at all with DS1, but with DS2 it worked really well.
They were still sods though.

It dilutes as they get older but never truly disappears until they are about 6.

The moral of the story is - ditch that arsehole. She was never a friend.

Well, for a start I think threatening the ring FC is pretty crap parenting for a start.

I was "blessed" with a reasonably easy dd (behaviour wise, anyway - there were other challenges though) and I hope to goodness I didn't make my friends feel like she's made you feel. Some kids are just harder work (cf my dc2!!) I imagine she's embellishing how wonderful her dd is as well.

She doesn't really sound like she's someone you need in your life...

These kind of people are only "Queen Bee" if other people let them. It's a load of rubbish.
Three year olds can be a handful but is it worth investigating further with GP etc.?
Your friend sounds more like the "child" to be honest. I would make it clear you are not happy with her attitude and if other mums are sheep, they're not really good enough to be your friend.

Has your child ever hurt hers?

You answered your question in your title.

She is a mummy friend, not a friend. It's shit, but you are doing such a good thing with your course. Ignore her, distance yourself from her. Like I tell Dd, when you look around too much at everyone else you end up with a sore neck.

Ok.

Firstly calling Santa is not good parenting.

Three is a difficult stage. I'm very strict and my kids are very well behaved but 3 was a hard year with both of them.

My advice: have very clear boundaries and rules and stick to them through thick and thin. Consistency is key.

Don't make a threat you aren't prepared to carry out.

Never give into a tantrum but sometimes a cuddle works wonders.

Serious voice and firm look are generally more effective and less easy to ignore than shouting.

Choose consequences appropriate to the child. Consequences can be positive as well as negative. E.g. If you can start sitting very nicely we can go to the park/have a story/paint a picture next.

Hang on in there.

Drop her, she sounds sanctimonious and deluded. I absolutely hate it when people use Father Christmas as a threat to blackmail their child - it is up there with the other empty threats such as "we'll go straight home if you don't stop" when they have just arrived somewhere.

I have two dc who are a doddle and one who is frequently angry (and is autistic) and I think all of them try their hardest and are lovely. Frankly, I'm not interested in anyone else's opinion on their or my behaviour. I have other parents who like to 'help' me with patronising advice for dc2 and while I would like to tell them to fuck off, I graciously smile and ignore every word.

If her child isn't being a monster at three, then it will happen at four, or even five. They all go through it - and they need to, as it is part of the maturing process.

Firstly calling Santa is not good parenting.

why ever not? Is it acceptable to misbehave and be rewarded by Christmas gifts? How does that work?

Firstly calling Santa is not good parenting.

Yy.

But don't even compare yourself. She isn't supporting you. She is belittling you. So she is not a friend and you are wasting precious time in your life with her.

All children hit challenging points - it might be at 3, 13 or 23 (or all three!). She's deluding herself if she thinks her angel child will always be so.
You sound like a brilliant conscientious parent - he may well be pushing your buttons right now but he won't always (honest, my DS was a bit of a PITA at 3, fabulous at 6 and now at nearly 9 is hitting the teen years early it seems ). Ignore her.

why ever not? Is it acceptable to misbehave and be rewarded by Christmas gifts? How does that work?

Rewarded with gifts? Who the fuck is your Saint Nick?!

Its too far off dingdong, you need an immediate consequence ie if you put your coat on we can go to the park or when you eat your peas mummy will get you a yoghurt/chocolate.
Father Christmas is still 17 days away, that is forever to a three year old so not relevant.

GravyAndShite sorry?

I agree with everything Amelia jack says. Only thing I would add is praise as much as you can too. Whenever ds is kind, or helpful etc, I pick up on it and tell him how wonderful he is. I also do this before bed if he's had a particularly good day. His little face when I do this is a picture, and it means your children know that however strict you may be, you also have a lot of pride in them and appreciate them very much.

Oh also - sack this woman off. I only have a 3 year old but I know by now that I need to avoid smug parents like I would the fucking plague. No thanks.

I her dd her only child? She might be in for a rude awakening with her next one. My dd is a little angel (most of the time) and responds to being 'told off' even very gently. My Ds on the other hand couldn't give the tiniest shite what anyone has to say, however it's put, whatever the volume, no matter how many times it's repeated. He's 4. He was worse at 3. If you said "you're being naughty" he'd shout at you "NO, YOU'RE NAUGHTY" and blow a raspberry at you. It's funny looking back, but bloody hell 3yr olds can be a challenge! Ignore the silly "friend", just ditch her. You're doing great with the parenting course, just keep going until you get through this stage. x

thank you Gowgirl for a reply that makes sense.