Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

MIL and daughter's hat.

1003 replies

doomf · 08/12/2016 10:14

My MIL looks after my DD one day a week (Tuesday) and her other grand daughter one day a week (Wednesday).

I bought my daughter a lovely hat last year to go with a coat she had. The hat went missing at the end of last winter and I'd searched high and low for it it to no avail. Is asked MIL if she'd seen it and she swore blind she hadn't (I was pretty sure the last time she'd worn it was to her house). A few weeks ago I lamented to MIL that it was a shame id never found the hat as it would still have fit my DD this winter and she agreed.

Yesterday afternoon I'd taken a day off work and had gone into town with my DD only to run into my MIL and her other grand daughter...wearing the bloody hat!!!

AIBU to think that you just don't do that?!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
11
TheClaws · 10/12/2016 00:41

So, you're saying that the OP no pictures of her DD in this very special hat? DD could so easily cropped out of the picture. Failing that, something from the internet? MIL 'couldn't find' this special hat when OP's DH went over fact-finding - this hat that had caused a rift in her family, supposedly. This hat is so mysterious!

nichito · 10/12/2016 00:44

Why the hell is the OP obligated to identify the hat for a small cluster of nosy women on the internet? What a bizarre assertion. It has no relevance whatsoever.

user1470686892 · 10/12/2016 00:54

Yes, this whole thread hinges on proof the hat existed. Not only the MIL being bonkers I see.

BertrandRussell · 10/12/2016 00:58

But if it was a carefully planned malicious act, why the fuck during the careful planning did the fact that she would be found out within days not occur to her? It makes no sense. Sit down and talk to her. Calmly. Find out what actually happened. If I had to speculate, I reckon it was an impulsive act which she then found herself having to back up in an increasingly far fetched way because she, like many of us, can't bring herself to admit to being wrong. It is such a stupid way to be evil and conniving that there has to be another explanation. Of course she should have just said "oh, I was meaning to text you that I'd found it-I am sorry." Of course she should. She was wrong and daft. But if she's an arch manipulator then she is the Baldrick of arch manipulators.

TheClaws · 10/12/2016 00:59

No relevance whatsoever Hmm

This is a huge thread about a hat. A hat that is apparently an expensive hat, as opposed to a regular, throwaway hat. So I do think its appearance is very relevant.

nichito · 10/12/2016 01:02

How? Why do you need to know what the hat looks like - what on earth would that alter?

The thread is largely hinged upon the behaviour of the MIL and the wrongness thereof. It is of partial relevance that the hat was relatively expensive but who on earth cares what it looks like beyond idle curiosity?

user1470686892 · 10/12/2016 01:06

Is it bollocks relevant!
Why should OP dig through photos just to satisfy your nosiness?
Google 'nice childrens hats', sure you will get the picture.

TinselTwins · 10/12/2016 01:07

But if she's an arch manipulator then she is the Baldrick of arch manipulators.

Really? Because she's done wrong yet done wrong by the OP and her child in such a way that the OP is being told she's the bad guy simply for daring to catch her out by remembering what her kids belongings look like.

I'ld say that's some pretty genius manipulating right there…

Also known as gasslighting or death by 1000 paper cuts…. where someone does deliberately manipulative things that they know will upset, but in small ways, so if the wronged party objects, they look like the unreasonable one!

Chippednailvarnishing · 10/12/2016 01:10

Where there demands for pictorial evidence on the penis beaker thread? Or are completely stupid demands a new thing?

DistanceCall · 10/12/2016 01:12

Well, this thread made it to the home page!

www.mumsnet.com/

Obviously no troll suspicions from MNHQ, then.

TinselTwins · 10/12/2016 01:13

Psychologically healthy adults with a good relationship, even when they are a bit pissed with each other, would have drawn a line under the whole business and moved on.

Parenting in a psychologically healthy way does not include continuing to leave your child in the care of someone who steals from them then lies about it.

If this was a childminder, stealing from one mindee to give to another who she decided needed/wanted the items more, would you "calm down" and get over it?

It's actually not about the OPs relationship with the MIL, it's about the child, who should not be left with someone who is doing this to her, even if it's the child's own grandmother. Not acting on this straight away would be bad parenting .

OP people are jumping down your throat because the thief in question happens to be your MIL. If it was the child's own father stealing from your child to give to their half sibling, or a paid childminder, or any-fucker-else apart from a MIL, you would not be getting a hard time right now

DistanceCall · 10/12/2016 01:14

why the fuck during the careful planning did the fact that she would be found out within days not occur to her?

MIL took care of Doomf's daughter on Tuesdays, and of her other granddaughter on Wednesdays. Doomf has said that both families don't mingle very much. MIL had no reason to expect that Doomf would come across her and her niece.

TheClaws · 10/12/2016 01:15

Rightyo Xmas Smile You all get back to bonkers MIL scenarios etc. Maybe this magic mysterious hat will reappear at some point...

BertrandRussell · 10/12/2016 01:22

"so if the wronged party objects, they look like the unreasonable one!"

But she doesn't. She looks perfectly reasonable, if a little intense and chapeauphiliac. The mil looks bonkers. So. The Baldrick of manipulators.

TinselTwins · 10/12/2016 01:26

Oh right Bertandrussel, so nobody's told the OP "it's just a hat" then? Hmm

SpaceDinosaur · 10/12/2016 01:27
Grin
MIL and daughter's hat.
nichito · 10/12/2016 01:29

Chortled very hard at the "Baldrick of arch manipulators" - what a great vision!

In all seriousness though, someone has to be the (proverbial Xmas Wink) Baldrick, sonthey not? I don't think it would be terribly outlandish to suspect on the basis of information provided thus far that the MIL is not terribly bright. An awful lot of people make a pig's ear of their plans and as delineated above, OP happened upon MIL and her little niece by chance. MIL's assumption that OP would not necessarily find out was certainly foolish but not entirely baseless if the two children never coincide.

Chippednailvarnishing · 10/12/2016 01:30

Here photo of kid in hat, pick a kid and use your imagination.

MIL and daughter's hat.
KittenOfWoe · 10/12/2016 01:46

Cancel the hat.

TheClaws · 10/12/2016 01:59

Nah, they all look a bit cheap to cause such a kerfuffle, don't you think?

TheClaws · 10/12/2016 02:01

Thanks though Smile

TinselTwins · 10/12/2016 02:14

No. I wouldn't care if it was a free Sticky-monster thing from the checkout at Lidl.. if the person minding my child was deliberately stealing from them because they decided that they were less worthy of them than someone else.. they would no longer be minding my child

Billben · 10/12/2016 05:50

I'm with Tinsel on this one. I bet your MIL secretly does favour your niece (or at least thinks your niece looks better in that hat). Nasty thing to do and you've handled it a lot better than I would have.

mmgirish · 10/12/2016 06:10

Well done OP for confronting your MIL. I would have been annoyed by this too. Not because of the hat but the deception.

Sybys · 10/12/2016 06:15

Can't believe some people feel like they need to see the hat Grin

MIL sounds like my ex's mum. I lived with my ex and her family for a few months, and me and the then-DP is bought a retro games console. We bought a few games ourselves, but some games we wanted were rare (selling for up to £80 each on eBay), so a friend kindly loaned us theirs.

When we weren't using it,we kept it tidied away in a drawer. It had probably been untouched for a month when we decided to get it out of the drawer...But it was gone.

My partner's mother revealed that she had thrown it out. When confronted as to why, she said it was because it was all over the floor, making a mess. Complete fabrication, it was tidily tucked away in a drawer, and even if it hadn't been....wtf?

We had to spend a few hundred replacing our friend's games. Never got an apology.

Basically, some people do spiteful things and will make up any old shit to justify it.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In
This thread is not accepting new messages.