Dad told my son using the N word is not bad.

[Whathappendexactly]

I'm really annoyed. My 74 year DD has told my DS10 it's fine to call people by the N word. He then went on to say he's shocked there are so many of "them" on children's TV. This is over the dinner table! When I said it was totally unacceptable, told my Dad the consequences of using the word for my DS at school, he made out the world has gone mad and that we will all get arrested for being racists using normal words like this, he also told my DS that calling them C ( rhymes with goon not the other one ) is also fine.

Obviously I have had a talk to my DS and DD13 who was present when DS brought up the word.

My Dad is of a different generation. He's old and not that well and enjoys a few hours after school with my DS once a week. It also doubles as child care for me.

In all other ways my DD is a good kind man who would not hurt a fly but I can't put up with this can I?

Do I make other arrangements after school on this one day. Not actually sure what that would be other than stop working this day. After school provision is full.

If DS father hears this word from DS he will get into so much trouble and these weekly visits would stop instantly and I can't see how I could defend my DD to be honest because i'd have to agree.

A bit of back ground. When I was 15, I was asked to see the head teacher at school. I was acused of being racist to a friend who had complained. I had no idea what I had said wrong. In fact I had referred to the shop outside school by the word used by my Dad in thoses days. I had no idea how wrong it was. I had also used some other language earlier to another girl but to this day I have no idea what it was. I certainly didn't feel like I was being racist. The head teacher even remarked he was shocked I was sitting in front of him over such a matter. I don't want my children to use these words unintentionally as I did back then.

To my DD we have all gone "to far" the other way apparently and I'm cross about nothing.

OP I agree that your father is racist and those attitudes have nothing to do with age. Also, please put a stop to it immediately. Indoctrination can be extremely difficult to root out once it takes hold, especially when carried out by family members who your dc might otherwise look up to. My father in law has made a few unfortunate comments, not those names but disparaging remarks and I have called him out on it. Every. Single. Time. My father too.

Taylormade, so sorry to hear about your experience. Did you mean that the restaurant staff asked you to leave? if so I wish you had sued their arses. How awful for you and your dh. That man should have been kicked out of the restaurant for his behaviour, not you having to leave.

lizzieoak I never said that my generation invented antiracism? Nor did I say it was a problem exclusive to people in their fiftes.. I simply stated that the individual who racially abused my husband was in her fifties. I am in my late thirties since you ask.

My point was and is that we need to stop tolerating any of these 'names' and 'words' often bandided around by adults, many of whom claim to not understand that they ARE racist.

Yes - there are many younger people who hold racist beliefs, though they arent formed in the womb. They are taught.

People'schamp, you'd said "I guess my point is people of an older (even only by 20 years) seem to think anything less than riding a horse while wearing a bedsheet and burning anyone they dont indentify as white is fine" so I was responding to that. No worries though if I read it differently than you intended.

They actually got on fine with close neighbours ironically, they just didn't like being outnumbered.

But they were okay with doing the outnumbering? I suppose that's the natural order of things, isn't it.

You can't be a decent person and a racist. They are entirely mutually exclusive.

Your fathers age is no excuse at all. My mam, would have been 89 this year, also lived in a very "white" a year. The "worst" thing I heard her say, when she was about 80, was to describe someone as coloured. I explained that the acceptable word was black. She squirmed a little, and said that word felt very rude to her. So, ok, she was trying to be polite Andover accepted that.

Had

Heya Lizzieoak - can see how that came across, agree sadly there are many youngsters that would happy throw on a bedsheet / join The NF / Vote Trump. Either which way its all offside :(

Surely if you reclaim it you recirculate it and therefore can't be surprised if it comes back into use..I guess tho it might have different connotations

I'm confused by your comment Olivia. ^
^
But they were okay with doing the outnumbering?

There was nobody to outnumber! Not in the 60s. They just bought a house in an area that their families had lived in since time immemorial (1800s). Everyone was just like them. Nobody outnumbered anybody!

I don't get why anybody would be upset about being 'outnumbered' without the implication that the other was somehow lesser.

Not lesser. But different food tastes. And the local shops changed to cater to the majority not the new minority.