Dad told my son using the N word is not bad.

[Whathappendexactly]

I'm really annoyed. My 74 year DD has told my DS10 it's fine to call people by the N word. He then went on to say he's shocked there are so many of "them" on children's TV. This is over the dinner table! When I said it was totally unacceptable, told my Dad the consequences of using the word for my DS at school, he made out the world has gone mad and that we will all get arrested for being racists using normal words like this, he also told my DS that calling them C ( rhymes with goon not the other one ) is also fine.

Obviously I have had a talk to my DS and DD13 who was present when DS brought up the word.

My Dad is of a different generation. He's old and not that well and enjoys a few hours after school with my DS once a week. It also doubles as child care for me.

In all other ways my DD is a good kind man who would not hurt a fly but I can't put up with this can I?

Do I make other arrangements after school on this one day. Not actually sure what that would be other than stop working this day. After school provision is full.

If DS father hears this word from DS he will get into so much trouble and these weekly visits would stop instantly and I can't see how I could defend my DD to be honest because i'd have to agree.

A bit of back ground. When I was 15, I was asked to see the head teacher at school. I was acused of being racist to a friend who had complained. I had no idea what I had said wrong. In fact I had referred to the shop outside school by the word used by my Dad in thoses days. I had no idea how wrong it was. I had also used some other language earlier to another girl but to this day I have no idea what it was. I certainly didn't feel like I was being racist. The head teacher even remarked he was shocked I was sitting in front of him over such a matter.

To my DD we have all gone "to far" the other way apparently and I'm cross about nothing.

No, that's unacceptable. I understand that he's from a different generation, but he is living in this generation now. I think most people find that word offensive.
At the very least, he needs to agree to keep his feelings on the matter and the language surrounding it out of your child's ears.

My dad is 75 and I never heard him call anyone by the N word although I get the impression it was socially acceptable when he was a boy.

It wasn't acceptable when I was six, i remember very clearly a child at my school being told of for using that word, that was over thirty years ago. If my parents used it now I would go ballistic.

Only racist twats used the n word in the 80s let alone now. My grandad wouldn't use that word and is in his 90s and a bit of a bigot to boot!

There's no reason for him to be racist, he's just choosing to be. Old or not.
Also, you recognise it's unacceptable but you also try to paint him as a nice person, anybody who feels the need to call someone out based on colour and take the piss are not nice people.
You sound conditioned to his racist crap.

Not an age thing, a racist thing. Not ignorance either, clearly a choice and his true attitude if he's making judgements about 'too many of them on telly', that's not an accidental slip of the tongue, is it!

74 isn't old. It means he was born in 1942 - only four years away from being a baby boomer! That most youthful, liberal, open-minded generation. Sure, not all of them but no-one of that generation could escape awareness of the American civil rights movement or the British anti-racist movement of the 70s and 80s - formed in opposition to the National Front etc - blatant, nasty, vicious racists - and the only people in the 80s in the UK who would have used the N word.

Those 70s sitcoms featured the attitudes of embittered old men. In the 70s your dad was in his late-20s and 30s!

What you do about is another question. If your DCs are mature enough to recognise that otherwise nice people can have hideous characteristics, which can and should be rejected, then they may be able to see him as a 'type' or a lesson in how not to be. It's that dissonance between 'nice person who loves you' and 'actually not a nice person' that's hard for them to address and accommodate here. Understanding that racism is unacceptable, isn't funny and cannot be parroted is the easy part.