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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not wanting DH's family on New Year's Eve

85 replies

FedUpWithHisFamily · 08/12/2016 09:36

Hi, everyone. Last night had mighty row with DH, as he wants "his family" on New Year's Eve at ours, as we are going to my sister's for Christmas. DH's family- his 4 nephews, age ranging from 23 to 27. Two of the older ones will bring girlfriends, and a 5-months-old baby. We have 2 and 5-year-olds. My DH will be working all week leading to NY, also, till 6 o'clock that evening and on 1st of Jan. Somehow, my DH decided that his family will come for dinner on NY eve! AIBU to not want that? My DH is youngest brother of three, he is 39 himself, but views his nephews as his responsibility, as parents of the boys all live abroad. It's been few years already that they all coming to ours. I, of course, am expected to lay great feast for all of them! This year I will have no help whatsoever from my DH, as he is working. Apart fom big row, I have no idea how to deal with the situation. DH is adamant he wants "his family".

OP posts:
NotStoppedAllDay · 08/12/2016 09:55

expat exactly! So why wouldn't you just do something cheaper, even if a little effort is required.... its family ffs!

Laiste · 08/12/2016 09:55

So that's 6 adults (with baby) coming. OP has a two year old and 5 year old. No help from DH on the day.

Hmmm.

Do they deliver pizza on NYE? Maybe they do.

I'd calmly tell him you'll lay on a buffet (which he can help you buy in advance), but there'll be no feast.

You could ask each nephew to bring something along? One savory, one sweet and a bottle? Be honest and say you've got the kids on your own and DH is at work till the last minute.

HearTheThunderRoar · 08/12/2016 10:09

Agree with Expat, takeaways are expensive. I suppose you could get cheap oven pizzas along with some salad and a few veggies.

If it is only for one night I would be inclined to put up with it as your spending time with your family over Christmas, especially if it's been a few years since they have all stayed.

QueenofallIsee · 08/12/2016 10:10

Why are they 'his family'..unless they are not actually related, that seems really mean - do you not consider them family? Is that the problem?

I am not one who thinks that entertaining is wife work, he wants a get together then he should not expect you to do all the graft for it but if its more that you don't like them or consider them family then that is harsh

TheDuchessofDukeStreet · 08/12/2016 10:11

Are his family nice? Would anyone be able to come early and give you a hand? Or could you ask people to bring a cooked main course or pudding?

baconandeggies · 08/12/2016 10:12

He should contact them all and ask each to bring a plate of food / potluck / bring & share this year.

RatherBeRiding · 08/12/2016 10:13

Well I think you're being unreasonable not to have them, seeing as you are at your sister's for Christmas.

However - the bit about you being expected to lay on a "feast" on your own with two small children is a bit U on his part. Pre-prepared buffet - which he can help buy and prepare, maybe something hot and easy on the night (oven chips?).

SapphireStrange · 08/12/2016 10:15

If he wants a feast put on he can fucking well do it himself, working or not.

I don't understand how the concept of him organising things to host his family would cause a 'row' Confused. Unless he's an entitled misogynistic twat who thinks it's the 1950s. And admittedly I do seem to read about a lot of those on MN.

MissMarplesHat · 08/12/2016 10:15

Ask everyone to bring a pizza and cook them at home.

Trifleorbust · 08/12/2016 10:18

It makes me laugh to see all the 'just stick some chips/jackets/pizzas on' comments you see on these threads. Come on, people. We all know this isn't what the DH has in mind. We all know it is the OP who will end up looking tight/lazy/incompetent because she didn't cook a three course meal. Entertaining your husband's whole family on NYE isn't a nuggets and chips type occasion, and we all know it.

littlesallyracket · 08/12/2016 10:22

It seems fair enough that he wants to see them. Why shouldn't he, if you're seeing your family at Christmas?

If you don't want to lay on a massive meal, just get loads of buffet stuff and some desserts from the supermarket, lay it out on a table and get people to help themselves. Or ask them all to bring something. Or, as people have said, order in pizzas. It doesn't have be a huge formal occasion.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 08/12/2016 10:27

'That's lovely DH. No idea how you're going to cater for that & clean up after as you're working both days, but I'm sure you'll work it out' 😊

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 08/12/2016 10:28

YABU.

You at your family for Christmas. It isn't unfair that he wants to see his family NYE.

IHateDailyMailJournos · 08/12/2016 10:29

We all know it is the OP who will end up looking tight/lazy/incompetent because she didn't cook a three course meal

I disagree. Visitors are generally happy to have whatever they get. The pressure to host top notch meals usually comes from the host not the guests.

If the OP feels the need to present a formal meal then it's still easy to do if you can buy things in. Helps if you can afford somewhere but you can still do it from somewhere cheap. Soup for starters - bought in then bought in lasagne or similar. It's only a drama if you make it a drama.

ifonly4 · 08/12/2016 10:29

Fair enough he wants to see his family, but definitely no to a meal. Bring and share buffet sounds like a good idea!

SapphireStrange · 08/12/2016 10:29

'That's lovely DH. No idea how you're going to cater for that & clean up after as you're working both days, but I'm sure you'll work it out'

EXACTLY THIS.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 08/12/2016 10:31

Oh FGS.

She hasn't said she just wants to be alone with him, she's said SHE doesn't want to be lumbered with doing the cleaning, tidying, catering, sorting with two small kids to look after & no help from him. If he wants to have a party he can bloody well organise it.

Trifleorbust · 08/12/2016 10:32

IHateDailyMailJournos: My DH's family are lovely BUT when we hi to their house it is usually a (veggie) roast with gluten free option and pudding. If they came to our house on NYE and I served oven pizzas and chips they wouldn't say anything but thank you, but they would be (privately) a bit put out by my lack of effort. Again, I think this would be the case in most families. It is delusional to think you can just chuck anything in the oven and visitors will be happy with whatever they get.

bunnylove99 · 08/12/2016 10:32

Im with you Trifle. In Scotland we now have a bit of a tradition of having steak pie for Hogmanay dinner. It can be prepared well in adance and isn't difficult or expensive but really nice. Those who don't cook buy ones made by their butcher. Your night sounds like fun to to to be honest. Guys in their twenties usually love homemade food and are great eaters with big appetites -makes it all worthwhile. You could do lentil n bacon soup with nice rolls, the aforementioned pie with mash n turnips and then an easy pud. All could be prepared the day before. I bet they will really appreciate your efforts! I don't think frozen pizza and salad is much of an offering for NY eve to be honest. What kind of a celebration is that.. lol

Goodythreeshoes · 08/12/2016 10:34

Are the nephews aware of the invitation?
I can understand the parents among them appreciating a family night, but the 20something young men I know (including my sons) would probably have plans for a club night rather than snakes and ladders with uncle and aunty.

SapphireStrange · 08/12/2016 10:34

I don't think frozen pizza and salad is much of an offering for NY eve to be honest. What kind of a celebration is that.. lol

Fuck's sake. Posts like this are spectacularly missing the point.

WHY must the OP do all this, when she's not the one who's invited people?

HaveNoSocks · 08/12/2016 10:37

We all know it is the OP who will end up looking tight/lazy/incompetent because she didn't cook a three course meal

You might be right but that's a different argument to the one presented. In that case the issue is that DH's family is coming for new year and he expects a feast laid on rather than a cold buffet.

Trifleorbust · 08/12/2016 10:39

HaveNoSocks: No, the argument is that he expects a feast. The OP hasn't mentioned a cold buffet... Several other posters mentioned pizza. I am just pointing out that the OP is put out because the occasion seems to come with certain expectations, but she is the one who will be expected to meet them.

HaveNoSocks · 08/12/2016 10:40

If DH does want something more extravagant he can cook up a great big stew or lasagna or something in advance and freeze it.

IHateDailyMailJournos · 08/12/2016 10:42

TrifleorBust. Your family don't sound very lovely if you think they would judge you for not catering to their standards. I also was suggesting that you could easily go a bit more upmarket than pizza with very little effort.