4th new driving instructor and he's another arsehole - or is it actually me?

[DrivingWorries]

Beginning to think it might actually be me because surely the alternative is me being the unluckiest person in the world!

Stuck it out with my first instructor for over a year. Constantly late and not making the time up at the end. Very unstructured lessons which involved me driving about aimlessly, then taking him to his house so he could pop in and check on his dog for ten mins while i sat in the driveway. Didn't start any maneoveres with me as he felt I wasn't ready (yes - even after a year!) I frequently asked for an idea of when he thought i would be test ready, and he never gave a straight answer. Nice enough guy but a waste of money. I'd reached my potential with him so let him go.

Next guy - squeezed me in within a week of me letting go my first instructor. I didn't book another lesson with him as he made me feel very uncomfortable (telling me about his alcoholism, his marriage breakdown and asked about 4 times how on earth i could possibly be single due to me being so gorgeous (i am distinctly average looking, FYI).

3 weeks passed before the third person fitted me in. Woman this time. Everything going great for about 2 lessons. Told me to book my test. Got a test for two months ahead. Then the wife got ill so her husband took over. Very similar to first guy. Late. Going to top up petrol during my lesson. Stopping at his house to check on his wife. Telling me lots of personal stuff. I made no new progress, Stuck it out for two lessons, then let him go.

4th and current instructor - started with him about 3 weeks ago. First lesson went great. He had a very dry sense of humour and blunt approach, picking apart all my bad habits from previous instructors. Not very cheery at all but i knew i needed a tough love approach. He told me to keep checking for cancellations to bring my test forward. So i did. I then paid up front for a few double lesson before my test (which is now less than 2 weeks away!). And he's turned into a right knob.

Very aggressive manner. Calling me names. Telling me im doing his head in because he's had to tell me something more than once (all of this from just today's lesson). Constantly telling me what to do when i know myself e.g. when to change gear, checking my mirrors - I've asked him to stop this as i want to make sure im doing it independently. He said no because he doesnt trust me to do it without putting our lives at risk! Grabbing the wheel out of my hand and yelling at me to give him control of the wheel if i mees up a menouver, then aggressively driving us back to my starting position and telling me to "do it fucking right this time".

I have six more hours booked and paid with this guy (including my test day). Called around after today's lesson - no one else willing to take me on when my test is so near. I get practice at the weekend in a family member's car but that's the only availability they have. So that's my only other practice outside of driving lessons.

I'm just ranting i suppose. Was feeling really quite confident and ready for my test. Actually was looking forward to it. My relative - that i practice with on a Saturday - has thought for months that i'm ready and is very relaxed with me in the car. Then this guy today just tore me to shreds. Never raising his voice mind you, but just his tone adn the words he uses are fully of rage. I've been assured by my friend (who recommended him) that i shouldnt take it personal as she had the same expereince. But that he's a great teacher despite being an arsehole.

So my choices are -

a) stick with this guy until my test. If i fail, take time off over Christmas and look for a new instructor again in the new year.

b) text him and sack him, requesting a refund for the 6 hours ive paid in advance, bearing in mind my only other driving practice will be 3 hours (in total) over the next two Saturdays before my test. And hire an Arnold Clark dual control car to do the test in.

Personally i dont think 3 hours will be enough practice time for me though if i want to give myself the best chance to pass. but the thought of spending more double lessons with this aggressive arsehole of an instructor fills me with dread.

I just want to pass so badly!

He sounds like a dick and you've been unlucky. Sack him off, he'll destroy your confidence. I'd ask for money back (but sadly doubt you'll get it) and I'd probably threaten to report him to whatever the registration body for driving instructors is if he refuses. Then look at postponing test - I'm sure they usually allow you to defer? Good luck. Whole things sounds rubbish.

You can change your test up to 5 times before you have to cancel and rebook it anew

Sack this arsehole off and get some recommendations from your local FB groups or friends.
You need to have an instructor who will work with the way you learn.

Maybe if you let us know your rough area, we could recommend a few names?

Is he part of a larger company, like the aa, or is he independent? Definitely complain if he works for someone else, he's out of order swearing at you and name calling.

I had similar with my first instructor (lots of sighing & eye rolling and telling me to hurry up if I stalled) so I got shot of him, and went elsewhere. Best thing I could have done!

Would you consider postponing your test until ou can get a decent instructor?

You are just unlucky , my DS was on his 3rd instructor when he passed his test , it's just a matter of finding one that you can get along with.

I think theres a combination of him beung a dick and your heightened anxiety translating even soft criticisms into attacks, BUT a good instructor deals with that and builds confidence (ideally) and definitely should respond to a request that you drive unhindered and reported on later. Mine did that to me for increasingly long periods over three lessons. The lesson before test was a dry run with notes after wards.

There are two types of people who are self-employed.. dynamic sassy, independent etc, and 'unemployable' I think you've ended up with the second set. I had ten lessons, and yes was very aware first, but if they are taking this long, its usually them not you. there are odd uncoordinated exceptions, but most people can learn to drive. you shpuld see rputes that fit in manoevres, some traffic, some 60 mph, some quiet estates for manoevres and some speed limit changes, roundabouts, traffic lights..

i'd be sueing if i were you ;)

I would push back your test a few weeks and find someone else. If he is having to tell you things then you aren't ready anyway and frankly I doubt you will pass with him, he sounds a twat. Are you with a school or are they private instructors? I don't know your area but try Mutlows school if they cover your area. All my family have learned with them and never had a bad instructor.

Wow youve been unlucky. Its really not you.

He sounds awful. I would consider pushing your test back and finding someone else.

I only passed my test a few months ago. I had 2 instructors. First one was female, always nervous and pulling the wheel, always late, cancelling lessons or on holiday. She was also racist.

2nd one was male, also a bit racist, a total over-sharer and told inappropriate jokes. But was always on time and a good teacher. I think driving instructors are just a funny bunch!

Good luck with your test whatever you decide to do

My husband is a driving instuctor. He recommends you complain about number 4, to the DVSA. The swearing is really not on.

Yanbu, sounds like you have just had bad luck, except with the female instructor, maybe specifically get a female instructor next? But on the bright side, it hasn't wrecked your confidence so you are probably already a very competent driver.

Sounds horrendous though, I'm planning to get driving lessons next year and my son and daughter also want to start, so I'm glad I read your story now, if one of us gets s crap or rude instructor I shall just change rather than assuming that's just tgr way it is.

Good luck!!!

i had a wrong un...... getting me to drive him.around friends houses to deliver christmas cards.... checking up on his dog..... following around his wife on her round (post woman) as he thought she was having a affair!!! i let him do it as.my confidence in driving was low. i was in no rush to do anything difficult re manovers etc and he knew it. bled me dey for nearly a year. i finaly left when he swore at me when i stalled car. I Got out there and then and told.him to stuff it. next day i found a fella in the yellow pages.... had 4 lessons and booked my test. passed first time! the trick is not to get too pally (like i did) and treat it in a professional manner. hes providing a service and if hes not meeting your standards then get rid. i hope you get your money back x

Sack current instructor. Postpone test. Find decent instructor. Pass test. Live happily ever after.

Are these independent instructors? I booked my lessons through the RAC and can't imagine them being so unprofessional, I didnt gel with my first instructor so changed and got on great with the second - so well that i recommend him to friends all the time.

AA not RAC!

It's not you!
I had 3 different instructors that were like this, luckily the 4th was lovely and who I passed with.

He wants you to fail so you will continue driving lessons with him.

You are very unlucky. I had Cyril (RIP), he was the best driving instructor ever. Think being taught to drive by a west country accented Worthers Original grandpa. Passed first time.

This is really making me appreciate my fab instructor - she's so lovely. It really sounds like you've been unlucky.

Move test back and find someone else, ask for a refund and if he refuses make it clear that you will be making sure he receives very negative feedback (instructors tend to rely on good feedback for new clients). You have been incredibly unlucky and you have my sympathy. Good luck with it!

I had two abortive and one successful attempts to drive and I had about 50% rubbish instructors (constant racist comments, or cutting 40% of the lesson time off without refunding, or being really aggressive) and other 50% really good instructors. I think you've just been unlucky, have a scout around on local Facebook groups to get a personal recommendation.

Oh my god, what a succession of shit instructors you've had. I'm sure I was one of the worst people to teach (terrible anxiety) but the female instructor I had was endlessly patient.

The male instructor I had initially... not so much. So I'm afraid it is a case of shopping around for the good ones.

Wow! i was waiting for the one who started making advances and took you to his place;! All of them sound useless and very unprofessional .

One here has just starting teaching DD2 and thus far is making an excellent job of it, do they do exist somewhere!.

Thanks everyone for the replies. I've been on a compete downer all day since my lesson. He's made me feel so stupid.

The next available test date at my local centre is not until end of Feb! It's likely I'd get a cancellation before then, but not guaranteed. I really don't think i need another two months of lessons. Definitely not actually.

He's not telling me all these things (change gears, check mirrors etc) because i don't know them. He's doing it immediately, without giving me chance to do it for myself. e.g. he'll say, take the next left - second gear, mirror mirror, signal. All very basic stuff i learnt to do with my first instructor.

I text my instructor after dinner just now and said i'm thinking of taking a break from lessons and postponing my test. He text back - in a very matter of fact way, as if he had could and pasted small print from a contract i did not sign - that no refunds are given for advance payments for booked lessons as it is likely that he has had to turn away or rearrange queries/other existing students' lesson times to accommodate my pre-booked ones.

I have two more double lessons booked with him early next week. That's it. Then an hour before my test early the following week. Rather than lose that money, i suppose it would be smarter to go for these lessons and give the test a chance.

If it goes tits up, at least i got practice at a test and ill get the first one out the way so may be more relaxed for next time. And i'll just lose contact with him over christmas/new year. I just really want to give myself a shot for this text before Christmas. The thought of being able to drive around relatives' homes, visiting them, taking my child on trips during the school break - makes me feel very motivated!

if he was going to give me a refund i would most definitely get rid of him and book another test for after new year. But now ive found out that i could lose almost £200, it's making me think i may as well suck up the verbal abuse for a few more hours and give myself a chance at the test.

Sorry - no, these are all independent instructors. Not from a company. I thought these people would be better as their livelihood relies on customer feedback!

Sorry - feel like ive wasted everyone's time by just sticking with this guy. i'm actually scared of him. How ridiculous is that? I'm just so determined to pass this test and be an independent driver that i'm willing to put up with this nonsense. I wonder if he'd talk to a male student like he talks to me?

At one point when he went to grab the wheel of me today - for a total daft reason - absolutely nothing major, think i just turned slightly too right on a reverse park - wasn't close to hitting anything - i actually thought he was going to grab me! I'm right on edge with him.

I'll chat to my relative when im out with them Saturday. If i find that im better without my instructor being there barking at me, ill know that it's nothing to do with me being a terrible driver.

Thanks everyone

You're not paying him to bully you. He's an aggressive cunt who seemed to turn as soon as he had your money in his pocket! Report to the DSA or whoever the governing body is. Absolutely disgraceful behaviour! I think he's using you as an emotional punch bag because you've paid in advance and he knows you're stuck with him!

Are these independents? makes me appreciate my instructor. You need a good school with a high pass rate. They're easy to find with a web search. If you're in the north east I would tell you who I'm with.