4th new driving instructor and he's another arsehole - or is it actually me?

[DrivingWorries]

Beginning to think it might actually be me because surely the alternative is me being the unluckiest person in the world!

Stuck it out with my first instructor for over a year. Constantly late and not making the time up at the end. Very unstructured lessons which involved me driving about aimlessly, then taking him to his house so he could pop in and check on his dog for ten mins while i sat in the driveway. Didn't start any maneoveres with me as he felt I wasn't ready (yes - even after a year!) I frequently asked for an idea of when he thought i would be test ready, and he never gave a straight answer. Nice enough guy but a waste of money. I'd reached my potential with him so let him go.

Next guy - squeezed me in within a week of me letting go my first instructor. I didn't book another lesson with him as he made me feel very uncomfortable (telling me about his alcoholism, his marriage breakdown and asked about 4 times how on earth i could possibly be single due to me being so gorgeous (i am distinctly average looking, FYI).

3 weeks passed before the third person fitted me in. Woman this time. Everything going great for about 2 lessons. Told me to book my test. Got a test for two months ahead. Then the wife got ill so her husband took over. Very similar to first guy. Late. Going to top up petrol during my lesson. Stopping at his house to check on his wife. Telling me lots of personal stuff. I made no new progress, Stuck it out for two lessons, then let him go.

4th and current instructor - started with him about 3 weeks ago. First lesson went great. He had a very dry sense of humour and blunt approach, picking apart all my bad habits from previous instructors. Not very cheery at all but i knew i needed a tough love approach. He told me to keep checking for cancellations to bring my test forward. So i did. I then paid up front for a few double lesson before my test (which is now less than 2 weeks away!). And he's turned into a right knob.

Very aggressive manner. Calling me names. Telling me im doing his head in because he's had to tell me something more than once (all of this from just today's lesson). Constantly telling me what to do when i know myself e.g. when to change gear, checking my mirrors - I've asked him to stop this as i want to make sure im doing it independently. He said no because he doesnt trust me to do it without putting our lives at risk! Grabbing the wheel out of my hand and yelling at me to give him control of the wheel if i mees up a menouver, then aggressively driving us back to my starting position and telling me to "do it fucking right this time".

I have six more hours booked and paid with this guy (including my test day). Called around after today's lesson - no one else willing to take me on when my test is so near. I get practice at the weekend in a family member's car but that's the only availability they have. So that's my only other practice outside of driving lessons.

I'm just ranting i suppose. Was feeling really quite confident and ready for my test. Actually was looking forward to it. My relative - that i practice with on a Saturday - has thought for months that i'm ready and is very relaxed with me in the car. Then this guy today just tore me to shreds. Never raising his voice mind you, but just his tone adn the words he uses are fully of rage. I've been assured by my friend (who recommended him) that i shouldnt take it personal as she had the same expereince. But that he's a great teacher despite being an arsehole.

So my choices are -

a) stick with this guy until my test. If i fail, take time off over Christmas and look for a new instructor again in the new year.

b) text him and sack him, requesting a refund for the 6 hours ive paid in advance, bearing in mind my only other driving practice will be 3 hours (in total) over the next two Saturdays before my test. And hire an Arnold Clark dual control car to do the test in.

Personally i dont think 3 hours will be enough practice time for me though if i want to give myself the best chance to pass. but the thought of spending more double lessons with this aggressive arsehole of an instructor fills me with dread.

I just want to pass so badly!

Oh, yeah. And the horrible guy was really cheap. Obviously.

Agree with suggestions of taking someone with you (if you have a friend / relative who can come along, that is). I suspect he wouldn't be so shitty in front of an audience.

Re tests, you don't need a dual control car for the test, I know someone who got banned from driving (long story...) and took their retest in their own car (but had a mate with them on the day to accompany them back if they failed).

I think like in all jobs, instructors are hit and miss. I have had 4 - one as a teenager, through a major local driving school, was a military wannabe, used to turn up every lesson in combats' and army boots. He wasn't at all relaxing and it took me ages to progress. My second, many years later, also a local school, was a lazy arse. Always late (45 mins was the record) although I did get a full hour. Used to tell me his life story which was proper JK (from memory, left his wife of 25 years for a former pupil, who had 6 children. They'd had a baby together, none of his kids from his marriage would speak to him, her kids were all little shits, and so on). I used to spend an hour a week driving round listening to it all, feeling like his fucking counsellor!!

Third instructor, again, a major school in the area. Only did 2 lessons as I honestly couldn't understand him (English not his first language) and he had a really aggressive manner.

Fourth instructor was an independent I got through a Facebook recommendation! And he was great (and I passed my test!). He's a really lovely guy, about 10 years older than me, really calm, relaxed, a bit chatty, not at all pervy.

So I think you can just be unlucky - and that using a major school isn't a guarantee . Please don't give up now, I wrote it off for 25 years and i wish I'd not left it that long now I can drive everywhere!

It's definitely not you its them!

Although you were s bit daft to put up with the ones that arrived late, put petrol in the car, checked on the dog etc. I think you need some lessons in being assertive as well as driving lessons

My eldest DS had three different instructors and while they were aloe at teaching him drive they all made racist comments about other drivers. .

That is shocking behaviour. Whereabouts are you OP, maybe mn could make some suggestions. There is an app you can buy which checks for test cancellations, I knows it's expensive but might be worth looking up.

Chin up, you'll get there. Learning to drive is one of the best things I've ever done

Definitely get someone to sit in on the lessons with you to stop him being an arse.

You have been very unlucky but not all driving instructors are horrible. I went through three instructors very quickly because I knew I would never pass a test with anyone who shouted at me. My last instructor was lovely and I passed my test first time. He was very patient, explained everything clearly and never told me off. I think you should expect nothing less from a qualified driving instructor.

If you continue driving lessons with this man next time he shouts and swears at you, you should tell him not to or you will be making a formal complaint. If he responds with more abuse then just get out the car, go home and report him. Nobody should ever have to put up with verbal abuse during a driving lesson!

I had some awful ones. The man who showed me the baseball bat under the passenger seat, complete with teeth marks. The one who frequently made me cry, would make me stop on dangerous corners so he could buy fags/nip into the pub for a wee. The one who didn't know left from right and told me off for following her instructions. There was a lovely lady who I happily chatted to forma year's worth of lessons but failed my test 6 times. Finally, a really gentle, reassuring man who rebuilt my confidence and I passed within a few weeks. I recommended him to a friend and he passed first time.

Thanks again everyone for sharing your own experiences and advice.

I definitely don't want to lose the £200 ive paid upfront so will still be going for my next two double lessons with him and then an hour before my test. Just worried that that hour before my test - with him being horrible - will turn me into a quivering wreck.

Once ive used up my preapid lessons, ill never be near him again.

I was jus feeling embrassed at how many instructors ive been through isuch a short period of time. Was starting to think it was me. Perhaps the only reason ive been so unfortunate is because ive let it happen - like someone has already said, i am not assertive at all. People will only treat you the way you let them treat you, as my gran used to say.

Thanks for the info about not needing a dual control car for the test. That may open up different options for my second test (assuming i fail this one).

Unfortunately having someone accompany me on lessons isn't an option. The only close friends/relatives i have who would be willing are unavailable during the times when im available for lessons (hence the reason i can only get 1.5 hours extra practice each week in a relative's car - our schedules never give us free time together).

I think definitely - to survive these next few lessons - i just need to be more assertive. Dnt just sit there and take it. He's making out like he's doing me a favour being able to fit me in such short notice and fixing all my bad habits my previous 'inadequate' teachers have taught me. Which is why ive just been sitting there silently, taking it, thinking i am supposed to be grateful.

He is very, very highly trained with his ADI qualifications etc. He actually trains other instructors. I think one of the main reasons he is so pissed off with me is because i didnt go with him first therefore he's having to watch me do things that are not his style - the way ive been taught before - things that are still perfectly legal and safe - that are now instinct to me - but not the way he teaches his students. So he's being over critical.

He also said the reason he is so quick to grab the wheel and controls off me is because it's his car and he doesn't want me fucking it up. not even a scratch. Fair enough - but surely it will be properly insured for such events given that it is a learner car??

Thanks for offering to help me find a new one, but i am in an area overrun by instructors. There are perhaps more instructor cars with students on the local roads than normal, licensed drivers! Each and every one that i've had so far have come highly recommended with fantastic reviews on local FB sites and their own websites etc. Which is again another reason i was thinking it was just me. But of course everyone will write a good review about their teacher if they are writing it just hours after passing their test when the adrenaline is still kicking in.

Could you secretly record him ? These abusive instructors all need reporting .

I was on my 6th instructor
16 years trying
8th test
When I passed.
My driving license is my 3rd greatest achievement (after my 2 dc).
I say ditch him and find another instructor.

Since you're stuck with him for now, can you ask him to do a mock test for at least half of those two double lessons? At least then he won't be able to shout and swear, he'll have to sit there silently and take notes.
On the positive side, the actual test may be much less stressful in comparison!

Sounds like you've had a total nightmare. I've had some awful instuctors in the past. I've recently started learning again with BSM, I don't know if all their instructors are like this, but the one I have at the moment is always early, doesn't do chit chat, is very calm and asks me what I want to concentrate on at the beginning of the lesson. Anyway fingers crossed you will pass and won't need to book any more lessons.

CondensedMilkSarnies That is a good idea having an in car camera and recorder, a lot of lorries have these now sometimes 8 or more in case of accidents but it would be re assuring to have the "tape" of the lesson if need be to pass on to a proper regulatory standards body for instructors?.