..to be upset that DP shares custody of his teddy bear with his ex?

[BearProblems]

DP and I have been together 2 and a half years. We live together and have a DC. A few months before we got together, DP had split with his ex, who he'd been with for over a decade. Their split was amicable but they've hardly had any contact since. She seems to be a perfectly nice person. They have no DCs.

When DP moved in, over a year ago, his ex came to my house to collect Bear who was going "on holiday" with her. DP hadn't warned me this was happening, and I was just expecting her to drop some of DP's stuff off. DP did the handing over but it was all unbearably awkward. DP hadn't told her that he was moving in with me (we have known each other vaguely for years) so she couldn't have been expecting the new girlfriend to be a witness to this nonsense. He didn't tell her because he was hardly in touch with her and was (like a total coward) hoping someone else would tell her so he wouldn't have to. Anyway, I thought that was the end of it and she would be too embarrassed to ask for Bear again.

Today DP and I went out for a nice lunch together and, over the pudding, he mentioned, very awkwardly, that he was going out this evening... taking Bear, who is off on his Christmas holidays. He will drop Bear off with ex before meeting friends to play darts. He'll be gone a couple of hours in all.

I am 100% certain there is nothing going on with DP and his ex (or anyone else for that matter) but this has made me feel incredibly weird and uncomfortable and actually a bit insecure.

He made this arrangement with his ex and didn't tell me until a few hours before the arranged drop off. I know full well the reason he didn't tell me was because he was embarrassed about it (and rightly so!) but still, it seems disloyal to arrange things with an ex and not tell me.

And then there's the fact that it's so fucking weird! I can see, when she asked if she could have Bear for Christmas, he felt he couldn't object without seeming mean and petty or making me out to be some suspicious psycho (he knows I wasn't totally happy about the last time). He's a bit of a coward who hates conflict but also a kind man who doesn't want to hurt anyone unnecessarily.

I don't know what bothers me about it so much. I had been planning to get Bear a Christmas stocking - lucky I'm not sufficiently organised to have done anything about it yet. (I think this sort of stupid infantilism about DP's bear is fine within the confines of a romantic relationship but outside of one, it's just a bit creepy).

Sorry this is so long. It's so bloody ludicrous it was hardly worth writing let alone reading!

Before this thread runs out of space and/or steam, I just wanted to say a really heartfelt thank you. You lot are all splendid and I've had such a laugh. And, most importantly, the issue that caused me to post in the first place has been resolved because Bear is not having any more visits to the ex.

I've really enjoyed my brief spell as a MN celebrity, although it was a bit scary at first. I've posted several times before, just mundane stuff about my kids and my exH and my DP, and only ever got a handful of responses. This time, I honestly expected a dozen comments telling me that my DP and I were a couple of losers. God bless you all for turning this pathetic tale into something marvellous!

I promise, cross my heart and hope to die that my original post was 100% true - even the bit about the stocking! It's almost hard to believe it myself but, at the time, I was feeling rather sad and confused about the weird bear sharing thing and was genuinely looking for objective opinions. I know the unbelievers (including MNHQ, who are clearly far too grown up for their own good) will never believe me, but I don't mind.

There's really nothing more to say until Bear returns in the New Year when I will absolutely be back with the Bear fashion shoot, as promised. I don't expect many people will be interested (and the haters will probably be furious!) but I've promised to do it and so I shall. I'll let you know then if I have any further news about Bear or Kevin or DP's correspondence with the ex.

Thanks again, lovely MNers, especially those who've shared stories and photos of their own funny bears (and huskies and/or wolves). Phyllis is feeling quite puffed up to know that she has admirers out there and, with her new-found self-confidence, she might not take Bear's shit anymore.

and and for you all.

Go Phyllis!

Little bit worried she might get nicknamed SyPhyllis now, though, after hearing the news from the STD clinic...

Pmsl at Syphilis

Get her checked out, I think she got it from Kevin's real Dad. I don't think it's Bear. I think she's less innocent that she pretend but shouldn't pit up with any nonsense anyway.

If only she had access to MN!

Syphyllis!! NO!
I can't believe I didn't think of that before. Poor bear.

😂 Syphyllis!

I found Kevin, sorry to tell you but he's working in Amsterdam..... in a sex club. Phyllis better go out there and bring him home. 😂😂😂

jemma. That is one rather disturbing picture that, for some reason, I am unable to look away from...

What were you doing in The Bare Bears Club - did Kevin give you a private dance?!

For shame....

Hahahaha, can't stop laughing.
The bare bears club. No I didn't have a private dance, he was far too expensive for me.... 😂 Pmsl.

the more I read of this thread, the more I love it

Is that you, Greensleeves?

I think this is a great thread.

I've made the cardinal error of not RTFT yet - but have read most of it, and this made me : Bear is not a cutesy bear at all. He is a foul-mouthed, port-quaffing, whoring bastard. He probably has gout.

Look forward to hearing more bear tails in the new year bear problems
I absolutely love this thread so much. Thank you

Fantastic thread, OP.

You've restored my faith in Mumsnet being a funny, quirky place.

Oh fuck, I haven't killed this have I?

Oh OP.
I love this entire thing (though I was a bit like WTAF) you provided me and OH with endless giggles on the way back from Paris!
Please link bears new thread here in the NY. X

Op, i wouldn't worry about not getting any posts on your bear fashion thread, most of us mad as a box of frogs posters await with anticipation and I am sure there will be a lot of fashion advice for bear. Your thread has certainly made me laugh. I thank you

Best post I've ever read on mn. I do hope that Bear is returned safely in the NY. I can't wait to see his fashion show. X

This sounds like made up nonsense. But I will give you the benefit of the doubt. Firstly, your DP and his ex of ten years, only broke up a few months before he got together with you. You don't get over a 10 year relationship within a few months. I speak from personal experience.

The Ex- if it was about the bear, I'd say she was a total utter fruit cake. But it's not about the bear. It's about what the bear represents ; your DP. Clearly she is not over him and perhaps hoping that eventually you guys will break up and she is back in like Flynn. Everytime she picks up Bear and drops him back, she is reminding your DP she is still around. Quite frankly Bear could be replaced with his most prized possession of a pocket watch. It means something to him therefore means something to her because DP means something to her!

DP- I think it's pretty safe to say DP is a bit of a nutcase. Even his step mother indulging in this stupid role play boggles the mind. Now this is not a child or a pet and quite frankly it was his bear. For anybody else, it's a no brainier - his bear, he takes it when he left. There is none of this share nonsense. Unless your DP is a total thicko; he knows full well what his ex is up to, having his substitute in her bed, washing it's PJ's, taking it on trips in place of him. Your DP must be getting off on it. Despite being now being in a relationship with you and having a child with you. He is bring disrespectful and refusing to close the door on his ex. Clearly, that relationship is not over, from his side of things either.

OP- sorry but your the most insane out of the three. Yes, you. Not only do you indulge in your 40 year old partner being a child. You buy the teddy bear drink and are considering giving it a stocking. Despite the fact it ain't real and can't eat or drink. You are also turning a blind eye to what is going on, making it all about a teddy bear. Seriously??. Or is it that you're playing dumb and innocent as you knew you would be showing your DP this thread and you wanted everyone else to point out the elephant in the room!

Very funny. I have laughed but seriously I think I have a bear from the day I was born from my dad. It has sentimental value. I have been given numerous things by exes over the years. Never kept anything - except a few letters in a box (on average women live longer than men and Ithe will give me something to read if I end up old and in a home) hate it when you bump into an ex and they say "I've still got the blah you got me ... blah blah.. or I had to have therapy to get over you.or..please be my friend on FB .'no?...' I'll change my name and ask again and hope you don't notice it's an anagram of my actual name..." ...They just want to connect again...they like the things you had together that your partner didn't. . I'd never put my partner through that ... we have our own jokes...I do have a friend who kept jumpers bears...etc sort of trophies. ..made her feel good when she was single ..he loved me enough to buy this necklace. .etc...until she met Mr awesome. ..hardly ever buys her stuff.. more a going somewhere doing something guy. perfect.

I still think you might be Hully!

Neighbours with teaspoons?

Sub standard OAP coach trips to Lion King?

Bewitched - this will probably make me look even more like a troll, but I hadn't heard of Hully. Having checked her out, isn't she great?! I honestly wish I was imaginative enough to have made this up but this really is my life.

I'd like to say a few words about the stocking... I didn't think Bear would magically come to life and drink the whisky and eat the chocolate - I'm quite well, thank you! - the presents would obviously be for my DP and we'd just pretend they were for Bear (DP would share them with Bear, which would piss Bear off a bit because he doesn't like sharing).

I was only vaguely aware of the Bo' Selecta bear (but I've seen some clips now and think Bear is much funnier) but we do love Ted. We've taken Bear to the cinema to see Ted and Ted2. DP and I think Ted's hilarious. Bear isn't really one for laughing: he just complained about not getting a look in on the popcorn. He also thinks there could be a few bob to be made on the intellectual property angle. Bear's lawyer is a stuffed owl, so it may be a while before the case comes to court.

I think we are all now in agreement that the poor ex isn't over DP and that's what the Bear holiday nonsense is all about. She needs to move on - it is nearly three years since they split up. She really is capable and together in many ways - she owns her own home (we rent), has a really good job (much better than mine or DP's). She just needs a bear of her own (and a boyfriend would probably help too).

They deserve to be SECTIONED.

Get a life without the bear. Truly sad .

Having said that, I once cut the head off a toy duck and put it in the fridge, but it was a long time ago and I was on drugs.

Just found this thread. Flipping amazing. Thank you for a big bear laugh when I really needed one!

I hope Bear and family have a merry Christmas and are happily reunited in the new year.

Nothing wrong with being a bit completely and utterly mad. It gives life a bit of colour.

Jigoku sense of humour failure??