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AIBU?

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Original poster

..to be upset that DP shares custody of his teddy bear with his ex?

965 replies

BearProblems · 07/12/2016 17:12

DP and I have been together 2 and a half years. We live together and have a DC. A few months before we got together, DP had split with his ex, who he'd been with for over a decade. Their split was amicable but they've hardly had any contact since. She seems to be a perfectly nice person. They have no DCs.

When DP moved in, over a year ago, his ex came to my house to collect Bear who was going "on holiday" with her. DP hadn't warned me this was happening, and I was just expecting her to drop some of DP's stuff off. DP did the handing over but it was all unbearably awkward. DP hadn't told her that he was moving in with me (we have known each other vaguely for years) so she couldn't have been expecting the new girlfriend to be a witness to this nonsense. He didn't tell her because he was hardly in touch with her and was (like a total coward) hoping someone else would tell her so he wouldn't have to. Anyway, I thought that was the end of it and she would be too embarrassed to ask for Bear again.

Today DP and I went out for a nice lunch together and, over the pudding, he mentioned, very awkwardly, that he was going out this evening... taking Bear, who is off on his Christmas holidays. He will drop Bear off with ex before meeting friends to play darts. He'll be gone a couple of hours in all.

I am 100% certain there is nothing going on with DP and his ex (or anyone else for that matter) but this has made me feel incredibly weird and uncomfortable and actually a bit insecure.

He made this arrangement with his ex and didn't tell me until a few hours before the arranged drop off. I know full well the reason he didn't tell me was because he was embarrassed about it (and rightly so!) but still, it seems disloyal to arrange things with an ex and not tell me.

And then there's the fact that it's so fucking weird! I can see, when she asked if she could have Bear for Christmas, he felt he couldn't object without seeming mean and petty or making me out to be some suspicious psycho (he knows I wasn't totally happy about the last time). He's a bit of a coward who hates conflict but also a kind man who doesn't want to hurt anyone unnecessarily.

I don't know what bothers me about it so much. I had been planning to get Bear a Christmas stocking - lucky I'm not sufficiently organised to have done anything about it yet. (I think this sort of stupid infantilism about DP's bear is fine within the confines of a romantic relationship but outside of one, it's just a bit creepy).

Sorry this is so long. It's so bloody ludicrous it was hardly worth writing let alone reading!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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KC225 · 07/12/2016 20:52

Is your DP drug smuggling via his ex? Don a tight fighting glove and swab that boar's nethers

HeadElf · 07/12/2016 20:52

What has my cat got to do with it Envy

fruitbats · 07/12/2016 20:52

I knew a couple once who fought over a wooden spoon.
pmsl Grin

PaulAnkaTheDog · 07/12/2016 20:53

I think you're way too over invested in Bear and you need to burn the thing before you become weirder than your partner's ex. You're cutting it close tbh.

Soubriquet · 07/12/2016 20:54

I'm washing no bears pyjamas Grin

FatOldBag · 07/12/2016 20:54

Give the ex the fucking bear, to keep, or throw it away and get yourselves a new bear that the ex has no claim on.

DramaInPyjamas · 07/12/2016 20:55

This reply has been deleted

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littlesallyracket · 07/12/2016 20:56

Trying to work out who would be the most tragic in this scenario if it were real (which I don't think it is, but hey). Obviously the DP is insane but at least it was his bear in the first place, so I think it's the ex. Where the fuck is her dignity? What grown woman is that needy that she borrows her ex's crappy old bear to take on holiday?

I could just about deal with the DP's own attachment to the bear if it were his beloved childhood teddy; me and my DP both still have bears we had as babies (although they don't have clothes, personalities or any of that because we're not 5). But in this case the bear is something he was bought by another girlfriend when he was an adult??

DP must be a pretty poor catch if he can only relate to women through a shit nylon 90s cuddly toy.

RainbowCake · 07/12/2016 20:57

This is like a car crash thread...I know I shouldn't look but can't help myself.
Even more Shock and Confused after last update.
Bit scared you people are among us, at least 4 bonkers ones at last count.

Xmasstocking · 07/12/2016 20:57

Have namechanged to post this as I know my friends are reading this and don't want to out myself (hi Grin)

Not sure that this that unusual. I was out a few months ago at a party night at a hotel (the type where you book a party table usually for an occasion of some sort). There were a couple there in their 40's (not relevant but they were both women) who were celebrating their engagement so they were sat at a table for 2 with a little bear! The bear 'joined' in with the meal, it danced on the table, they took photos of it etc - weirdest thing ever but they seemed to think it was perfectly normal Hmm Hmm

If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, I would not believe it!

They were clearly both very attached to this bear and could well imagine that if they split up, then would come to some form of custody arrangement!

53rdAndBird · 07/12/2016 20:58

As well as a load of regular bear clothes

...?

OK, here's a solution: buy an identical bear. Give the bear to Ex. She won't be able to tell the difference, surely?

EverySongbirdSays · 07/12/2016 20:58

Weirdest thread of 2016 candidate

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 07/12/2016 20:58

Does Bear have a bit on the side at the ex's house that Mrs Bear doesn't know about? Is the custody part of an elaborate double life with his secret family? What does Mrs Bear do while Bear is with his other family?

raviolidreaming · 07/12/2016 20:59

I can just about get on board with most of this - I'm hugely partial to whimsy and nonsense. It's the ex taking the bear for high days and holidays that makes no sense at all.

HardLightHologram · 07/12/2016 20:59

I get the bear thing between a couple. It's one of those weird things that evolve over time.

What's odd for me is having the same weird quirk in every relationship. It's bizarre. And I can't even begin to get my head round the custody arrangement.

RebelRogue · 07/12/2016 21:00

1.he's banging his ex

  1. He's using the bear to masturbate.

It's a fucking orgy!

MooPointCowsOpinion · 07/12/2016 21:00

How this man has managed to get 3 women to sleep with him I'll never know...

There are decent men about OP, you don't have to shag the batshit ones.

Original poster
BearProblems · 07/12/2016 21:00

DP's ex 100% didn't want children, so the bear is not symbolic of anything traumatic like fertility problems or a miscarriage. It's just a bear.

OP posts:
fruitbats · 07/12/2016 21:00

regular bear clothes - which are what exactly? Cravat? lounge jacket?

VelvetThunder · 07/12/2016 21:00

I was also going to ask, if you were to split up, would you also share joint custody?
It's all very odd.

ALemonyPea · 07/12/2016 21:01

And what does Mrs Bear think of her husband going away to another woman's house? No wonder Kevin left home, totally disfunctional.

Toocleverbyhalf2 · 07/12/2016 21:02

A girlfriend and a child bear??? That's my head spun out Confused

Questioningeverything · 07/12/2016 21:03

Just a bear?? Just a bear?? I can't... you can't call him just a bear!!!!

squeak10 · 07/12/2016 21:03

Is Bear a dog, cat ????

Klaptout · 07/12/2016 21:03

bear meme

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