..to be upset that DP shares custody of his teddy bear with his ex?

[BearProblems]

DP and I have been together 2 and a half years. We live together and have a DC. A few months before we got together, DP had split with his ex, who he'd been with for over a decade. Their split was amicable but they've hardly had any contact since. She seems to be a perfectly nice person. They have no DCs.

When DP moved in, over a year ago, his ex came to my house to collect Bear who was going "on holiday" with her. DP hadn't warned me this was happening, and I was just expecting her to drop some of DP's stuff off. DP did the handing over but it was all unbearably awkward. DP hadn't told her that he was moving in with me (we have known each other vaguely for years) so she couldn't have been expecting the new girlfriend to be a witness to this nonsense. He didn't tell her because he was hardly in touch with her and was (like a total coward) hoping someone else would tell her so he wouldn't have to. Anyway, I thought that was the end of it and she would be too embarrassed to ask for Bear again.

Today DP and I went out for a nice lunch together and, over the pudding, he mentioned, very awkwardly, that he was going out this evening... taking Bear, who is off on his Christmas holidays. He will drop Bear off with ex before meeting friends to play darts. He'll be gone a couple of hours in all.

I am 100% certain there is nothing going on with DP and his ex (or anyone else for that matter) but this has made me feel incredibly weird and uncomfortable and actually a bit insecure.

He made this arrangement with his ex and didn't tell me until a few hours before the arranged drop off. I know full well the reason he didn't tell me was because he was embarrassed about it (and rightly so!) but still, it seems disloyal to arrange things with an ex and not tell me.

And then there's the fact that it's so fucking weird! I can see, when she asked if she could have Bear for Christmas, he felt he couldn't object without seeming mean and petty or making me out to be some suspicious psycho (he knows I wasn't totally happy about the last time). He's a bit of a coward who hates conflict but also a kind man who doesn't want to hurt anyone unnecessarily.

I don't know what bothers me about it so much. I had been planning to get Bear a Christmas stocking - lucky I'm not sufficiently organised to have done anything about it yet. (I think this sort of stupid infantilism about DP's bear is fine within the confines of a romantic relationship but outside of one, it's just a bit creepy).

Sorry this is so long. It's so bloody ludicrous it was hardly worth writing let alone reading!

Wtf is this thread? Am I drunk?

This whole thing is actually past funny and right at pathetic, creepy and sad. If you're going to pander to your husband idiotic bear shite then don't complain about it. You're all bloody weirdos.

Tell him to get stuffed.

I think this is major sock puppeting! Funny for a while, fast becoming boring tbh.

here at MNHQ. OP - we need to know what the bear was getting in his stocking!
Could we also ask that the troll-hunting (and bear-baiting) stops, please? We do ask folk not to troll hunt anyway but we're happy the OP is genuine (we know... we're as surprised as you all are, but there it is).
A prize to the first MNer who manages to namechange to Igot99problemsbutabearaintone.

What happens when your child is old enough to claim bear?

He needs to grow up and tell the ex to fuck off.

Elf

I do not know what to say to you.

It's odd that your DP is happy to have 2 women faff around a stuffed Bear. I don't think it's a healthy way to maintain relationships

Bear-baiting 😂

I want a prize please but too slow at name changing

Haven't read whole thread, but its obviously not about the bear.

Couples can develop weird cute shared behaviours. A bear wouldn't do it for me, but each to their own.

Someone is holding on to the relationship here or won't let an aspect of it go. I hope for your sake it's her. Is ur husband a stubborn type? You hear about similar situations involving pets or more valuable items - they wont let go of it just because the other person wants it. Like children: "I want that because you want that and I enjoy making you feel sad about not having it". Sometimes its: "The breakup was your fault so Ill punish you by not letting you have this thing you want".

What's really going on is that someone or both of them still care about the other - the bear is a way to affect the other and maintains a link between them. I knew a couple once who fought over a wooden spoon.

Damn just missed it

See!! Just missed it!! Damn you!!

OP - you have zero grounds for complaint while you're knitting the bloody thing a scarf.

Cop onto yourself!

What's the prize... a cuddly you by any chance?

Cuddly toy - obviously

What's your usual NN Igot

So I can stalk you and hate you for ever more

OK, I can't possibly remember all the questions but I finally read the lot.
Bear does have quite a lot of clothes, mainly presents from DP's step mum (I don't know why, I guess she got sucked into the whole Bear thing too).
As well as a load of regular bear clothes, he has a wizard's costume and a chef's outfit and golf clubs.

Bear has a girlfriend (my childhood bear) and they have a son, Kevin. Kevin keeps going missing, because he's very small. Last time we found him in the washing machine, after he got wrapped up in the duvet cover. He's currently been missing for several weeks. DP thinks he may have left home. Bear is not a very good father.

Last Christmas I gave Bear a small bottle of port and a glass. Bear likes port. This year I had been thinking of making him a little stocking using one of the baby's socks, with a whisky miniature and a chocolate coin and a very small clementine. Yes, I have been sucked into the Bear nonsense, but I think that's relatively normal within a relationship. Of course it seems pathetic to an outsider, so it's not normal to publicise it, but this is an anonymous forum.

The ex, like all good single women without DCs, has a cat already.

I've read some of your responses to DP and he is not happy at all. I thought he'd see how silly it is and have a good laugh, but he is not seeing the funny side at all. He really does love that bear, as I said.

I think that it could be a substitute for a baby. Did your DP and his ex struggle to conceive and instead they got too attached to the bear?

It isn't funny anymore

Soubriquet

Hopefully the prize is a bear and I will send it to you for holidays, please wash its pyjamas though

It really isn't.

If you go down in the woods today, you're sure of a big surprise
If you go down in the woods today, you'd better go in disguise

To those asking what goes in the stocking...I'm thinking it''s just the bear necessities