..to be upset that DP shares custody of his teddy bear with his ex?

[BearProblems]

DP and I have been together 2 and a half years. We live together and have a DC. A few months before we got together, DP had split with his ex, who he'd been with for over a decade. Their split was amicable but they've hardly had any contact since. She seems to be a perfectly nice person. They have no DCs.

When DP moved in, over a year ago, his ex came to my house to collect Bear who was going "on holiday" with her. DP hadn't warned me this was happening, and I was just expecting her to drop some of DP's stuff off. DP did the handing over but it was all unbearably awkward. DP hadn't told her that he was moving in with me (we have known each other vaguely for years) so she couldn't have been expecting the new girlfriend to be a witness to this nonsense. He didn't tell her because he was hardly in touch with her and was (like a total coward) hoping someone else would tell her so he wouldn't have to. Anyway, I thought that was the end of it and she would be too embarrassed to ask for Bear again.

Today DP and I went out for a nice lunch together and, over the pudding, he mentioned, very awkwardly, that he was going out this evening... taking Bear, who is off on his Christmas holidays. He will drop Bear off with ex before meeting friends to play darts. He'll be gone a couple of hours in all.

I am 100% certain there is nothing going on with DP and his ex (or anyone else for that matter) but this has made me feel incredibly weird and uncomfortable and actually a bit insecure.

He made this arrangement with his ex and didn't tell me until a few hours before the arranged drop off. I know full well the reason he didn't tell me was because he was embarrassed about it (and rightly so!) but still, it seems disloyal to arrange things with an ex and not tell me.

And then there's the fact that it's so fucking weird! I can see, when she asked if she could have Bear for Christmas, he felt he couldn't object without seeming mean and petty or making me out to be some suspicious psycho (he knows I wasn't totally happy about the last time). He's a bit of a coward who hates conflict but also a kind man who doesn't want to hurt anyone unnecessarily.

I don't know what bothers me about it so much. I had been planning to get Bear a Christmas stocking - lucky I'm not sufficiently organised to have done anything about it yet. (I think this sort of stupid infantilism about DP's bear is fine within the confines of a romantic relationship but outside of one, it's just a bit creepy).

Sorry this is so long. It's so bloody ludicrous it was hardly worth writing let alone reading!

cutting. Wouldn't the OP know that, though?

now completely over-invested in this insanity

Ok I'm going to regret posting this but in defence of the OP, I've friends in a slightly similar situation.

Her DH and his girlfriend had matching bears one gave to the other the first Valentine's Day they were together. They were teenagers, then went to separate unis, and one would keep both bears when they were apart. All their holidays away, gap year travels etc, they had photos of the bears - in front of the Eiffel Tower, on aeroplanes, you get the idea. This was before social media so just a cute thing they did.

Daft, but they were 17-22 when they were together.

After they split, which was mostly due to distance, they stayed friends. And I think they were a bit unclear who should keep the bears. They are a fond memory from a period of their life they both cherish. They're on good terms. So... they do occasionally swap them. Or have, anyway. But.... the bears mostly live in boxes. I know the story because my friend moved recently and found bears in a box and was contemplating saying to her DH that maybe he should just give them back to the ex as she'd feel strange having them out, but then the ex probably feels the same - both with new partners, see each other a few times a year socially in a group, well into their thirties so no feelings remain except friendship.

This situation though, is quite different. If it's clearly his bear, I think he needs to say it's time for a clean break from his ex. No matter how silly the story is, ultimately what lies underneath it is a woman who doesn't want to give up a connection to a man she's not with anymore.

wow.. this is beyond bizarre. What on earth were you going to put in the stocking for this bear?!

I am being very serious. I know two people in this situation. They share custody of a bear called Samuel. The female in the relationship lost both her children and treats the bear like a child.

That's awful. Poor friend. No wonder she's formed such an attachment with the bear

You're worse than your dp and his ex, op - you're panda-ing to them

She does. She is very unwell and drinks an awful lot. She used to help me run a youth group. 😔

I hope she's paying maintenance!

Cutting the cheese that's heartbreaking. I feel bad taking the piss now

In that case maybe he needs to be the bigger person and give her the bear should the lady be the person cheese knows of.

Paddington's been smuggling cocaine from deepest Peru...those ain't marmalade sandwiches he's got in his suitcase

This is my favourite ever thread. Ever.

Ever.

It can't be the same person though.

As PP said surely the OP would be aware of that

Which means there is more than one couple bear sharing in the uk..

I wonder if someone say...stole...this bear, how much they could demand in ransom?

I think it's lovely I hope Bear has a lovely holiday.

Which means there is more than one couple bear sharing in the uk

Terrifying.

Ssshhh. It's ok everyone. Whilst OP was feeding everyone, I have kidnapped Bear.

I have removed his pyjamas as they'd been washed in biological powder and were itching his bum. He's slightly distressed as he says he needs stability and is now wondering what would have been in his Christmas stocking?

OP he said he will come home but only if he stays for Christmas and gets to open his stocking.

He is also miffed you forgot to get him an advent calendar. So best you have one ready for his return.

Will this make more sense if I have a drink then come back to it?

Firstly I think this is a wind up. If not I'm seriously concerned about his relationship with the bear (also slightly weirded out that you intend to buy it a stocking ). Why did he even take the bear back from her after she took it 'on holiday'.
Is it a drug mule????

I too doubt the Daily Mail would touch this.

I'm thinking Teddy must er... vibrate in some way for DP and ex to be this fucking batshit insane attached to the little furry beast.

So the OP has wondered off to do dinner eh?

I'm tired and grumpy and this hasn't raised a smile I'm afraid.

Seems tres unlikely!!

I have seen it all now

Cuttingthecheese that's really sad.

Oh this is the sort of thread I hope for every time I check in!
Looking forward to updates...

This is the weirdest post I have ever read on MN.

This must be some kind of joke thread and this is the plot to Paddington the Movie 2 or something.

The absolute bonkerness of your partner and your indulgence of him aside. I do not believe there is any self respecting woman in the world who would contact an ex to ask to take a scabby old teddy on holiday and fanny about with putting it in nightwear. Who would do that??

This must be fake, if not I think the 3 of you (and possibly the best) need help!!