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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'I can't even cook cheese on toast'

649 replies

NaughtyLittlePassport · 07/12/2016 13:09

Prepared to be told IABU.
Having coffee with a relatively new friend, I said something about making Christmas dinner, she then said that she 'couldn't even make cheese on toast'. I was visibly gobsmacked and as it turns out she really can't cook anything!
She was really offended that I was so surprised, and told me she'd always been too busy to learn. I've offered to help her with some basics but she's ignored my message and cancelled our DS's playing together Shock
To not drip feed I was really shocked, going 'what not even. ....' and questioning what her kids eat probably a bit too much.
But really, wouldn't you be shocked if a 40 year old couldn't cook anything at all?

OP posts:
UnoriginalNN · 07/12/2016 18:20

You can't compare sewing to cooking - cooking is a really important life skill. You don't have to be Jamie Oliver, but generally speaking, it's all part of looking after yourself properly. Let's be honest - everyone can actually cook. Boil some pasta. Heat up a can of chopped tomatoes. Maybe chuck in a bit of garlic if you're really feeling yourself. Everyone is capable of that unless physically unable.

You made her feel like shit, she'll either accept your apology or she won't.

MrsKoala · 07/12/2016 18:22

Art. Today - weetabix & toast. Ham sandwich, cheese twists, muesli bar, apple. Tomato soup & toast, yogurt, apple, raisins. Oat cookie.

None of that required cooking. That's a usual day.

Artandco · 07/12/2016 18:25

Mrs - but if your honest with yourself, that isn't a normal daily healthy menu for the average child.

GingerIvy · 07/12/2016 19:21

but if your honest with yourself, that isn't a normal daily healthy menu for the average child

Oh FFS. Just because it isn't what you'd eat or what you'd give your child, that doesn't mean it can't be part of a normal daily healthy menu for a child.

We won't even discuss the spelling issue.

MN - land of the blinkered people, where condescension is a way of life. Hmm

SVJAA · 07/12/2016 19:23

MN - land of the blinkered people, where condescension is a way of life
Couldn't have said it better myself. God forbid some of these posters see what my boys eat, some days I'm just glad to get food into them!

NavyandWhite · 07/12/2016 19:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HoopsandEverything · 07/12/2016 19:36

Navyandwhite

Bravo. I don't think some people realise just how freaking important good nutrition in childhood is and how poor nutrition can lead to life-long consequences for children.

GingerIvy · 07/12/2016 19:36

And not cooking for your kids is seen as ok.

Why should the OP have to cook for her children? Just because some random on MN says so? What rubbish!

If they are getting a healthy and varied diet without her having to cook, then there's absolutely no need for her to do so.

MrsKoala · 07/12/2016 19:37

Really Art? Confused in over the moon with it. It's the most balanced healthiest day of food my children have (I forgot cheese too). This was fairly standard day when I grew up, healthy even as the bread is brown!

HoopsandEverything · 07/12/2016 19:38

Navyandwhite

Bravo. I don't think some people realise just how freaking important good nutrition in childhood is and how poor nutrition can lead to life-long consequences for children.

GingerIvy The kid was not getting a varied diet though - it was getting bread and butter, ready meals and ready cooked meat with fruit (fair play, fruit was included). That is not a balanced diet for a kid.

SVJAA · 07/12/2016 19:38

Not every meal needs to be a nutritionally counted, pedantically cooked from scratch, organic feast. As long as kids have a varied and balanced diet and are getting the nutrients they need, what's the problem? Food is to be enjoyed, mealtimes are a social occasion as well as fuel for the body.

NavyandWhite · 07/12/2016 19:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Artandco · 07/12/2016 19:41

What I wouldn't eat? I disnt say that, I said that children on average wouldn't eat that menu daily. Sure it's fine sometimes, but generally you need to cook for children to eat over time. 3days of random raw carrots and musli bars or whatever and they would survive, but that isn't exactly a sit down meal.
If I was taken ill tomorrow and couldn't cook for the next 6 months, I would want to know Dh could adaquatly give them vaguely healthy meals and things they like. It's not heartening to think of wow we get some toast and grapes for dinner when it's freezing outside. They need a semi balanced diet of cold and hot food, and a variety
Wouldn't have even considered having a child with a man if I thought they couldn't look after them in all aspects of life. What if I died? Dh needs to know equally what they like, and how to do things

GingerIvy · 07/12/2016 19:43

Hoops Really? Did the OP read the menu for all the food the children have eaten in the last week? No. She made a snap judgement on one meal that she saw in a household where she has only met them recently. A child's overall diet cannot be deduced on the basis of one meal or even a couple meals.

There is a difference between "not cooking" and "not providing a healthy balanced diet." A few people on here seem to be struggling with this concept.

SVJAA · 07/12/2016 19:44

Because apparently being judgemental and looking down your nose isn't batshit eh? Hmm There are people on here who will literally argue the point because they are so convinced that they are far superior to everyone else, and that everyone else is somehow a terrible parent for not doing X, Y or Z. That IS batshit.

SVJAA · 07/12/2016 19:45

In fact it's not batshit, it's bullshit.

NavyandWhite · 07/12/2016 19:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kennington · 07/12/2016 19:46

This person was likely neglected growing up so I wouldn't be rude about her.
Not being able to cook will result in health problems and unecessary expense. Basic cooking skills should be taught in all schools.

GingerIvy · 07/12/2016 19:47

Funny how so many posters were going on and on about how unhealthy it was for children to have more than one hot meal a day so a hot meal at lunch and a hot meal at dinner was one of the reasons why so many children were having weight problems just within the last year or so. But now, it's OMG you must chain yourself to the oven and cook or the poor things will be malnourished!

Gotta love the batshit people. Some of the most prolific posters on MN are pretty batshit. Grin There's even some on this thread. Always entertaining, eh?

limitedperiodonly · 07/12/2016 19:47

What's the list of MN essential life skills?

Cooking
Swimming
Driving
Zombie killing

I'm competent at the first three and would have a stab at the last but in a modern urban society, they're not essential

SVJAA · 07/12/2016 19:48

Nope, total bullshit acting like you're somehow superior to everyone else.

NavyandWhite · 07/12/2016 19:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HoopsandEverything · 07/12/2016 19:50

GingerIvy No, she asked what the lady prepared for the child and the response was posted. The response was what I listed. That is not a balanced diet (which I think you agree with).

GingerIvy · 07/12/2016 19:50

She doesn't have to MAKE a simple meal. She has to be able to PROVIDE a simple meal. There is a difference.

If she cannot provide a simple meal for her children - problem. If she cannot cook a simple meal, but is able to provide one - no problem whatsoever.

HoopsandEverything · 07/12/2016 19:50

Clearly there's a huge issue in society when people refer to cooking your children a simple meal regularly as "chaining yourself to an oven".

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