AIBU not to send DD to a private prep school

[Littlemessymiss]

We can afford it. We live opposite it. It is a really good school.
I just don't think it is worth the investment in the early years if we have good state schools nearby. I'd rather invest in more informative years, as long as they get the basics.
I don't like some of the attitudes and snobbishness of some of the other parents.
There is absolutely no diversity.
AIBU to deny my DD(s) 'the best start'?
I also worry about how stretched our state schools are becoming.

Well it's a choice, no different to other life choices one would make. You weigh up the pros and cons for you.

PS this will turn into a state v private debate as no one knows enough of your personal circumstances to help you decide

how do you know the parents? wherever you go some parents will be snobby there are enough at my DD state school. How do you know there is no diversity? I don't see how you can know this unless you interrogate all the parents?

Can you afford private later on? isnt there a state till 8 thing?

Put her where she will be happiest - if thats private do that. Life is short.

And the pros and cons for the individual child. Perhaps start in the state sector and see how it goes. Choice is a blessing.

We did state primary. DS to 8, DD to 11. With hindsight DD would have been better in private from the start.

I personally made the opposite decision. I came from a really poor background and want to give my kids the best education - in this case it was our local prep.

This debate has been done to death. It's a personal decision. There is no right or wrong answer it's what works best for your family.

And when you say you can afford it, you've the £200k per child min I take I. Circumstances change and it's,harder to switch private to state than vice versa uf ever the chips are down.

Do what you like.

No one knows what constitutes 'the best start' unless they know the individual child and the specific schools.

Everything else is just stereotyping, politics and bollocks. Although starting a prep school thread in aibu I suspect that's what you are after.

Don't do state til 8-it's not fair to the school. Look at the schools and decide. And stick to it.

Cool. Thanks for the warnings of the potential bun fight.
I am just in a right pickle and should have thought about it long ago.

Have you been to look around it and your local state schools? You will get parents with attitudes you dislike in both sectors. We've looked at five in total, mixture of state and private and have gone for where we think DD will be happiest.

What is the state school that you would most likely use actually like? What are the class sizes like? For my money, I reckon a 4/5/6 year old would get the basics better in a smaller class size.

Why would you feel that anyone would think you were unreasonable to state educate your child?

Go and visit several and decide which one would be most suitable for your dd. It might be the private one, it might be a state one. You have the luxury of being able to consider a fee-paying school but the choice between private/state is irrelevant until you have looked at the schools and worked out which one you think would be the best one for your dd. That's it really.

What you generally pay for in my view is smaller class sizes, and slightly more engagement from the children and good preparation for joining a private prep/secondary.

DS2 was actually in a class of 12 when he started with 2 teachers. (Unusual but great)

Both mine have had no more than 20 in a class

Downsides - costs obviously - not just the fees, but also trips and uniform which are much higher than state. not so much higher on the individual items but just quantity of kit etc.
I haven't come across attitude, but this depends on the school.

It's up to you but I take issue with the thought that your money is better spent when they're older.

There is a school of thought that if you're going to pay for private education it's best to pay for the kindergarten/primary years when you instil in them good learning foundations and set them on a good path.

It's a bit like building a house. The foundations have to be right for the house to be built to completion. If they're not there are things that can be done but it's expensive and the house will never be 'quite right'.

My two went private from 4 to 16 (and I couldn't afford it. It's been a struggle) but a lot who came from state schools at 11 really struggled at first and didn't generally do as well as those there from the outset.

Having said that the primary schools in my area aren't particularly good.

Also remember that there are loads of downsides to tiny (not small- tiny) classes.

What people are generally paying for with private schools is a narrower, higher social demographic. I am not accusing people of snobbery. I teach in a state school and there is so much time lost to disruption because some kids have not been taught to behave, that if I wasn't anti-private education and could afford it I would want to do it myself!

I did the opposite, moved DD (5) to prep. in september. I would do it again in a heartbeat, it is a wonderful school and she has come on so well and gained so much confidence. The parents are a lovely bunch with a real mix of backgrounds and it is a very diverse place. We aren't rich, my parents and I split the cost but we have notice a very positive change from state.

Dsd gets following from her prep:

Classes streamed to ability - no more than 5-10 students in each subject at her set.

3 languages - French, Spanish, Mandarin. Option to take Latin or Ancient Greek but I wanted languages she could use.

Music lessons - not a priority for us but dsd finds singing in the choir and playing piano relaxing so we encourage her.

Breakfast lunch included - dinner can be bought as part of dinner club. Once a quarter all kids and parents are invited to a family dinner.

Uniform free (dsd is on academic sponsorship)

Discounted kumon

Free 11 plus prep.

Trips to places we'd probably never be able to take her like Galapagos and the Amazon for older kids. Dsd has been to Paris this year as part of French class, Seville for Spanish, and they go regularly to UK museums/theatre for English/Sciences, was offered a class trip to Beijing for mandarin but we declined this year. We pay for the trips of course but the costs are fairly reasonable.

Dozens and dozens of social activities on weekends - this is the best part. Brownies, bake sales, choirs, play dates. We donate a bit of money, have a good time, and make a decent support group of similar parents. The other parents from dd's classes are so friendly and as only 5-10 max in each of her classes we can plan birthdays etc with a minimum of fuss.

You are obviously in a position to choose so forget about private v state, visit them all and see which you and your dd prefer.

PS from your op you are in danger of overthinking this based on some kind of moral of financial basis

If you are OK with private education in general, and can afford to privately educate all the way through -then why not send her now?

No diversity? That is not all it is cracked up to be. How many of your friends are 'diverse'? Bet hardly any. If you have friends of different races I suspect you are all of the same class and/or profession.

With private education you are basically paying for there to be a far narrow spectrum of ability, the expectation of fewer disruptive children and fewer/zero high needs SN. So essentially more time teaching to your child's ability than differentiating for the extremes of ability of managing challenging behavior.

Some of the kids are from very disadvantaged backgrounds - foster system, cared for by grandparents etc. School will offer full sponsorship to academically able children of parents with a household income of less than £30k. So there is a mix of backgrounds but they are all intelligent, bright, and enthusiastic kids.

You might actually get more diversity in private.