AIBU not to send DD to a private prep school

[Littlemessymiss]

We can afford it. We live opposite it. It is a really good school.
I just don't think it is worth the investment in the early years if we have good state schools nearby. I'd rather invest in more informative years, as long as they get the basics.
I don't like some of the attitudes and snobbishness of some of the other parents.
There is absolutely no diversity.
AIBU to deny my DD(s) 'the best start'?
I also worry about how stretched our state schools are becoming.

In terms of cost OP, people tend to assume private school is a lot of extras but it totally depends on the school. I work FT so actually a prep school day of 8.15 to 3.45 plus free wraparound from 8am until 5pm. Obviously meals are included, plus basic extra activities such as swimming lessons, art club etc. It also means I can afford to take DD on holiday in the extended holidays and then only have childcare costs of when she'd be off if she was in state school (after two parents' annual leave and week here and there with grandparents).

My friends who pay before, after and holiday costs for additional childcare plus meals and extra curricular activities do when they realise my annual cost isn't that much more. It can be incredibly good value.

It depends totally on the quality of your local primary schools .
When I was a supply teacher ( in London ) even schools a few miles from each other could be like night and day . Worse case scenario was crumbling facilities , no supplies , over crowded , incredibly disorganized , high staff turnover ( in one school only the caretaker was a permanent staff member ) and absolute bedlam in the classrooms.
I couldn't hack it and don't for a minute believe any child would thrive in the chaos and appalling standards I experienced.

YANBU. I don't understand why you would think you are.

Why is it automatically "the best start"? Surely, that's an opinion.

Why on earth would you pay for private school fees if you have good state schools nearby? I feel strongly that this undermines the whole state system. I'd understand if you said the nearest schools were like the ones habibihabibi describes.

But my feelings come from a political standpoint that others probably totally disagree with!

Private schools are all different too.

There are ones that are very academic, ones with tiny class sizes and ones that are more focused on extra curricular activities.

I would look at all options and other private schools not just the one across the road.
Find the school which is best for your child

When you say you'd rather invest in the later years- is that because the money you expect to have available is quite limited? Because it is either private now or private later, but not likely to be both? Or because going private would cut down seriously on other educational opportunities you might want to offer your child? It all makes a difference.

I went private till age 7, then state till 11, then private for secondary. It worked really well for me, but I did have a lovely rural junior school nearby.

When I went to senior school many girls in my form had fed straight through from the attached private junior section of the school. They were not ahead. I was a bit surprised to see they had no advantage and we're if anything a little behind. This may partly be because they had been academically selected at a younger age and some were not as bright as those who had just passed the entrance tests at 11. I still feel that it was also because they had not had significantly better teaching. They could not all keep up. If your child is clever, and you have good state schools nearby, my experience suggests no advantage to going private early on. However, I can see somebody else might have had a different experience.

excuse typo...were

I read several reasonably convincing arguments that paying for good foundations so have done the opposite and paid for private primary for DS1&2 and will do for DS3. Having said that, we are in a grammar school area, so that was always plan A for secondary and influenced spending the money at primary.

'Paying for good foundations was worth it' - excuse missed words!

Without knowing exactly where you live and the choice of schools I'm afraid none of us can give you a decent response.

I totally agree that you shouldn't feel you should send your child to the private prep just because you can afford it and it is just over the road.

However, you give a number of reasons why you don't think the school is right. Which one is your main reason?

• are the parents snobbish? (This is a wide generalisation and while it may be true for some, I'd argue there is now way every parent in any school will be like this. Also until you send a child to a particular school you can only go off hearsay, which may be wrong)
• is it not diverse? (Do you know this for sure?)
• not sure it's worth the investment (this is the million dollar question and impossible to answer without knowing your child, your background, the school and having a crystal ball).

Everyone has their theories about education, but I'm definitely of the opinion that primary age is very important to instil the basics and a lifelong love of learning. With the right building blocks in place, a bright 11 year old can still do very well at a mediocre secondary school. Therefore if money was an issue, I would always pay for the best primary education and choose a state secondary. But I know many on here would disagree.

As an aside, would you have to drive to the local state school? It's a small point, but the time and petrol saved over the years by going to the school over the road will really add up!

Anyway, there is no right answer. All you can do is visit the schools, talk to teachers and prospective parents and form your own judgement. Then make your choice and don't feel the need to justify it to anyone!

Good luck with your choice

Thanks for the input mumsnetters. Hopefully the progeny haven't developed the dyslexia that both DH and I have.
We are doing all the school visits in the area as well as applying to the local state schools.
The private school (that had a large waiting list last spring) now has lots of vacancies for reception. I think the recent political outfall has effected many families.
My leaning is one good state primary and see how things develop. Also encouraging as much reading, 'boredom' (aka as letting their imaginations fill the time gap without the electronic nanny) and fun extra curricular activities as possible.

It sounds like you know what you want.
I went to private primary and secondary schools as have/ do mym children and that's worked well for us, but plenty of people go to state schools and equally have a good time. Just take your own decisions on this.

We are nearing the end of private prep school. Class size is 13. DS doing very well there. He's off to senior academy next year. The foundations have been set.

I work in a private prep and, although I obviously think it's a great school or I wouldn't work there, I used to think that it wasn't worth the money unless:

• you could afford it to the point that you didn't especially miss the money
• you had a child who would benefit more than most (eg a specific SEN or a particular talent in sport/music/drama etc)
• you had a child who would struggle more than most in a large state school

However, from a teacher's perspective, I would now choose private over state if at all possible because I am frightened of what is happening to state education and where it could end up. There's no certainty, too much change and teachers seem to be leaving in droves. The budget cuts sound ridiculous and the needless demands on teachers' time that take them away from the primary focus of educating the children are getting more and more numerous.

The best endorsement that I have heard of any primary school came from my DS, after he had left, which was "XXX School teaches you to be curious"

..that's what I was after. That (as it happens) is what we paid for, but if you have a state school option that will do that, so much the better.