Aibu to think I can fake "normal for the rest of my life"?

[lookaroundandsmile]

I feel like I spend my whole life faking normal !

Things like I am totally obsessed with the fact there is something wrong with my youngest dd to the point i actually sit and stare at her skin to see if a rash comes out

Or today for example I was talking to my husband while he was doing DIY and had to carry on the conversation while all the while having the image in my head of picking up the drill and sticking it my stomach in my head.

A few years ago I went through a phase of seriously believing that I couldn't move my head too fast without breaking my neck but I managed to carry on through it without breathing a word to a soul.

I have never been able to hold down a job, thank god dh is ok with me being a sahm.

I have to go to bed as soon as the kids have I go upstairs at 7pm and lie in bed until morning. I don't know why I have for years. Luckily dh works late and when he doesn't he has evening hobbies anyway so it doesn't matter.

I have to take painkillers some days as I have tics which cause me pain .

I have always managed to get on in my own way, our house is well cared for our children are happy and healthy , I have a happy marriage.

However, I am never sure if the things I think are real or not or if I am in a mood swing or just imoagining things.

I have been to the doctor a few years ago when things got so bad I was scratching my skin so badly I was bleeding (not on purpose I didn't realise). I was given fluoxetine whichbhelped.

At a recent appointment about something else he said I should stop taking them in the new year s that issue has resolved.

I know I am faking being ok but I don't want to rock the boat because despite this I am actually happy with life. I don't want to spoil it.

So aibu to think I can keep it up for the rest of my life. I am 33 now.

The reason I am wondering is I saw someone I know fall apart in s spectacular way recently and I'm scared that this is what they thought until it all came crumbling down.

I think you need to print out a copy of this post and take it to your GP. He/she can't help you unless you're honest with them.

I think you need to see your gp you may have Tourette's syndrome it's nothing to be ashamed of one of my family members has it and displays similar symptoms please go and speak honestly there's nothing to be ashamed of there's help out there and I wish you all the best x

Go get help.

I am actually happy with life. I don't want to spoil it

Do you think your husband and children will be happy with you never leaving the house in the evening, for example? Never going out with you, you never attending school events or parties? And thats only a tiny part of it.

I think you know you need some serious help. I hope you can find the strength to ask for it.
Good luck.

I fake it everyday.

I have Aspergers. Although to be honest there are only certain parts I fake and it's not always well faked.

Luckily I have a boss that likes that I think differently. I would say I am more myself at work than I am at home.

I find meetings with people I don't know hard. I have hide my true self as people can feel uncomfortable around me if I don't. I have thoughts I never share out loud and wish things (that can never be different) were different.

But honestly what you are experiencing sounds quite concerning. I am not sure you can keep up that level of fake forever.

That's the really silly thing I feel like this now but tomorrow morning I might feel in co from top of the world - my mood is so unpredictable ! So a couple of times I have made an appointment at the gp thinking " yes today I will say something" only to go in and not mention it at all because I am convinced I am imagining the whole thing.

Sounds like you have OCD. My advice would be to go to your GP. There is help available and your life can be easier.

User. I am not afraid to leave the house in the evening . I do t enjoy it but if o have to I will - so parents evenings we have a pantomime to go to etc.

I would prefer not to but I can go.

😧 please get some help from your gp. Show him what you have written if you are unable to tell him, 🤗Sending you a hug.

You should definitely be able to get some help with intrusive thoughts from your GP. They can refer you for CBT or find other ways to help. Then you won't have to pretend.

Sound like ocd.

lookaroundandsmile you have already taken signifucant step towards dealing with this, and that's writing it down here.

As suggested upthread you can show the doctor this thread, so much easier than having to explain it.

Also you don't need to work out whether you are really unwell enough for the doctor - that's the doctor's job! Being concerned about this and recognising how it can affect your life is enough.

Why not make an appointment, print this out and bring it with you.

It sounds like you're possibly having some intrusive thoughts - maybe obsessive or OCD related.

I definitely think if you hand the dr your initial post, they will be able to assist you more.

I can't speak when I go in, so have to have it prepared beforehand.

for you.

Op these obsessive intrusive thoughts are a sign of ocd. I suffer horribly with OCD. It took me 5 years to get help as like you I thought it was all in my head. It ended up that I broke down massively and tried to take my own life, thankfully I survived and am now getting help. I do still have the thoughts occasionally but I have a support group I can speak to about them. Life is so much better, please speak to your gp op. Also here if you ever need to talk

If I already take flouxitene would there be anything else they could do? Or just more of that?

You could have OCD, it sounds similar to what I used to do.
The great news is it can be helped and it does get better and life gets easier.
You have to speak to your GP though and ask to be referred to the counselling service.
Counselling is amazing, I promise it helps.
Please don't do nothing, you can get help!

There are lots and lots of things that can help with OCD & intrusive thoughts.
Medication yes, also CBT and other therapies
Please reach out for the help and support that is there

I'm on sertraline, they work for me. Have had less thoughts and triggers taking them. But mostly what helps is having people to talk to who understand. I wouldn't be where i am without my support group x

Trying to deal with it doesn't mean that you'll upset your life. As your kids get older, they will want to do more and go out more, and you will find this harder to deal with. you say that you keep the house & kids well cared for, so does it help to see this as you helping out your kids? It does sound like you should speak to a doctor. Write down a list of the symptoms and show your gp.

Just because you don't feel like this all the time doesn't make it not real. Even if you have flu you can get a couple of hours where the fever drops, you feel better, then you need to go back to bed again.

Definitely go to your GP. There are things you can do to make this better, getting medical help is one.

I have to say though that I think everyone fakes it to a certain extent, even people who don't have specific mental health struggles.

Another one who recognises some OCD traits in your OP (DH has it.) tics can be associated with ocd too.

Go back to the GP, good luck

Sorry meant to add DH had some long term cbt for his ocd which he found incredibly helpful.

OP, I'm from a psychology background (don't want to out myself with more detail) and without trying to diagnose you over the internet, you definitely sound as if you could use some help As others have said, OCD is certainly a possibility with the intrusive thoughts. If so, it's very very treatable with therapy (and medication if you want it, although therapy alone is often very effective too). Seconding those who suggest taking a copy of your opening post to your GP if you're concerned about being able to clearly articulate the problem tomorrow.

I hope you get some professional advice, and feel much better soon.

You're not really faking normal if you have to go to bed and lie down at 7pm and I mean that respectfully and as someone who has their own mental health issues to deal with.

It sounds very restrictive and I also thought of OCD when I read your post. You should definitely tell your doctor about what you've written here.

It's OCD and you need Zoloft, by the sound of it. Right now you are basically like a diabetic without insulin. No need at all for you to feel like this. Go to GP and be open and honest.