Aibu to think I can fake "normal for the rest of my life"?

[lookaroundandsmile]

I feel like I spend my whole life faking normal !

Things like I am totally obsessed with the fact there is something wrong with my youngest dd to the point i actually sit and stare at her skin to see if a rash comes out

Or today for example I was talking to my husband while he was doing DIY and had to carry on the conversation while all the while having the image in my head of picking up the drill and sticking it my stomach in my head.

A few years ago I went through a phase of seriously believing that I couldn't move my head too fast without breaking my neck but I managed to carry on through it without breathing a word to a soul.

I have never been able to hold down a job, thank god dh is ok with me being a sahm.

I have to go to bed as soon as the kids have I go upstairs at 7pm and lie in bed until morning. I don't know why I have for years. Luckily dh works late and when he doesn't he has evening hobbies anyway so it doesn't matter.

I have to take painkillers some days as I have tics which cause me pain .

I have always managed to get on in my own way, our house is well cared for our children are happy and healthy , I have a happy marriage.

However, I am never sure if the things I think are real or not or if I am in a mood swing or just imoagining things.

I have been to the doctor a few years ago when things got so bad I was scratching my skin so badly I was bleeding (not on purpose I didn't realise). I was given fluoxetine whichbhelped.

At a recent appointment about something else he said I should stop taking them in the new year s that issue has resolved.

I know I am faking being ok but I don't want to rock the boat because despite this I am actually happy with life. I don't want to spoil it.

So aibu to think I can keep it up for the rest of my life. I am 33 now.

The reason I am wondering is I saw someone I know fall apart in s spectacular way recently and I'm scared that this is what they thought until it all came crumbling down.

Ladylunchalot, that's an amazing point about Tourette's! I would have assumed something OCD-ish, but of course unbidden thoughts are a massive part of Tourette's too.

Don't be scared, Lookaround :) You wouldn't believe how much oddness goes on in other people's heads. Faking normal is normal! Everyone's much more relaxed about telling their doctor now, as understanding and treatment are better.

Your drill story made me realise that I used to have these thoughts all the time, too. Back then it was better to put it down to "a vivid imagination" - which I do have, but I also have depression and anxiety/ptsd which are better managed now.

Printing out your thread's a great idea if you feel funny talking about it. Well done for posting.

One of the problems with these sorts of conditions is that people feel embarrassed to admit what is going on. Writing this down here is the first step in getting better. Well done. Your symptoms are shared by many thousands of people - you are not an oddity; you are ill and need help. I hope you can take the advice to print out your post and take it with you to the GP, who will not be shocked or look down on you - he/she will have the information they need to set you on the road to recovery.

Thanks everyone . I will have a think about seeing my gp - I don't really like my normal one but I could ask to try a different one.

It would be nice to be able to tell someone all the ridiculous stuff I haven't even mentioned here

OCD and dermatillomania (an obsessive compulsion). Do you pull at your hair as well like your eyebrows or eyelashes or hair on your arms or hands, not just head hair, any hair, that's another one trichotillamania. You really need to print this out and give it to your GP.

Just to reiterate- it's always worth seeing if there's anything else the GP can do to alleviate what you're experiencing.

You're doing what lost of us have spent years doing - you're masking so much that it's become your new 'normal'.

You don't want to be judged and/or labelled as weird, a freak etc.

There's definitely something going on that needs addressing. Please seek help before it gets too out of control for you to manage. You can keep control, you just need to take that step.