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AIBU?

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Original poster

Was I wrong to respond on Facebook?

106 replies

Mrbluethecatt · 04/12/2016 14:08

My DH is diabetic. He has been all his life. He usually has good control of his condition and rarely has hypos, they only usually occur when he is ill.

He does not drink alcohol however if his blood sugar levels drop to a certain level he becomes disoriented, sweaty, slurs his words and can look drunk.

Last night we were out with friends and after about an hour I noticed that DH was acting odd, with some of the symptoms explained above. After he had some sugary drinks and food he seemed better and we went home. He woke up this morning with a cough so is probably coming down with something.

So this morning I looked at Facebook and a 'friend' posted about people being drunk and being embarrassing specifically mentioned DH. All our friends know about his diabetes. I texted her to say DH had a hypo last night which caused him to appear drunk but thankfully he is ok now. She then posted in Facebook that 'the misses' (not mentioning my name but posts under her original post about DH) is trying to backtrack and pretend that her husband isn't a drunk. Que people on her wall posting shit. Most of the people posting are not my friends but friends of friends (if that makes sense). I then posted under their comments that DH had a medical issue with his diabetes, he wasn't drunk and posted a link to a webpage explaining symptoms of hypos.

I have now had about 3 text messages from the person who originally posted and another person who was there last night to say I was out of order. I should apologise. I don't think I have done anything wrong just nipped the whole thing in the bud.

So was ibu to respond on Facebook?

OP posts:
MotherFuckingChainsaw · 04/12/2016 15:19

Ps ditch the twatty friends

coldcanary · 04/12/2016 15:19

FB does weird things to people - I can definitely see it happening exactly like this!
I think some people forget that everyone on their friends list can see everything they post so if they're corrected everyone sees that as well and they get embarrassed. I've seen perfectly calm friends post something as a small moan that ends up as an 'omg Hun you're sooo right, how dare they/he/she xxxxxx' orgy of outrage as they all just stop thinking and react.
YANBU, she chose to publicly humiliate your DH and you publicly defended him. It's her problem not yours.

Bluntness100 · 04/12/2016 15:19

The fact others are siding with her, and no one with you, and her post indicates a repeated behaviour by your husband, yet you say they all know he doesn't drink and know about his illness is very weird.

If your husband simply was drunk and you're embarassd about it you should have not responded, he is the problem not her. If it's as you say, you need a new social circle none of these people are your friends.

AlabasterSnowball · 04/12/2016 15:21

People post such shit on Facebook, I ignore half of it, but that is really nasty and at least you get to see people for as they really are.
I think it's time for you to have a Facebook cull, and a RL one too.

gamerchick · 04/12/2016 15:22

My husband has diabetes and tbh I wouldn't have text her explaining anything. I would have done it on her status and now I would publicly mention the messages and how bullys show themselves eventually and block so she cant see it herself or delete it later.

Anything publicly being a cunt to my husband I would shut that shit down. Twats.

Hope your husbands feeling better.

limitedperiodonly · 04/12/2016 15:29

Don't feel bad OP. Even if he had been drunk, friends don't do this - unless they don't want to be friends any more.

A friend behaved terribly on a night out once. He is diabetic, hadn't eaten and was incredibly bad tempered and insulting to everyone. His wife later apologised for his behaviour and explained about his illness.

I didn't go on FB about it because that would have been childish - the time to confront him about his rude behaviour was when it was happening or not at all. If she hadn't have contacted me the next day I probably would have preferred not to see them again because it was bad. As it is, I understand. He sheepishly apologised next time we met and that's fine. I guess he's going to try to manage his diet so that it doesn't happen again. But if he cocks up again, I'll just ignore him.

littlesallyracket · 04/12/2016 15:30

The fact others are siding with her, and no one with you, and her post indicates a repeated behaviour by your husband

Where does it say the post ever suggested it was 'repeated behaviour'? And the OP said she'd also had texts from supportive friends asking if her husband was OK, so no, not everyone was siding against her at all.

Are you one of the OP's awful friends, by any chance!?

PirateFairy45 · 04/12/2016 15:33

That's no friend. Glad your husband is ok.

Aeroflotgirl · 04/12/2016 15:34

Bluntless, like name, like nature

The fact others are siding with her, and no one with you, and her post indicates a repeated behaviour by your husband, yet you say they all know he doesn't drink and know about his illness is very weird

Nasty and disablist post. Are you one of these 'friends'. Even if op dh was drunk, you don't post that on Facebook, and humiliate him. Good friends just do not do that!

Jaxhog · 04/12/2016 15:35

Dump them. They are NOT your friends. Say what you think about
'friends' who are mean and unkind. then de-friend them on Facebook.

Original poster
Mrbluethecatt · 04/12/2016 15:40

I have spoken to DH friend (a man) who was standing with DH, this friend and the two others who messaged me. I was at another area of the bar. So the group were taking about their jobs and this friend made a comment about her's (she is a hairdresser) something funny but not a joke as such. DH laughed. He then took a step forward and stumbled into the table next to where they were standing. DH knocked his friends drink and spilled it on his shirt. DH's friend took DH over to where I was and that's when I noticed something was off. DH may have been acting odd for a while I'm not sure. DH's friend also said he was staring off into space so could have stared at one of the women without realising it.

OP posts:
DistanceCall · 04/12/2016 15:45

I really hope you don't step back, OP. What these people are doing is unconscionable. If she wants your comment to disappear, she can delete her post. She is willing for people to believe that your husband is a drunkard so that she doesn't lose face. That's not remotely a friend.

Personally I would screenshot the entire thing and put it on MY FB. And let her know.

Diabetic people have enough on their plates without having to put up with this bullshit. FFS.

acatcalledjohn · 04/12/2016 15:46

I shared a memory a while back which included a couple who are no longer together (but on good terms). One of them quietly, by text, asked if I could not share memories of the two of them together in the spirit of moving on. I didn't argue, I removed the post (which said friend didn't demand, I just thought it better) and apologised BECAUSE I SHOULD. And that's all. There is no fall out, no humiliating, no hard feelings. It's just a case of respecting friends and their wishes. Genuine friends are able to tackle these issues without a problem.

Obviously your 'friend' doesn't grasp the concept of respect and therefore I would report the fuck out of her post as a 'this is about me and I don't like' report.

I'd be more vindictive and show her up, but then I am not that sympathetic to this level of twattishness.

CoraPirbright · 04/12/2016 15:56

I like PaulDacre's reply.

I rarely, if ever, use the c-word, but has this woman always been an utter cunt?

SusanneLinder · 04/12/2016 16:11

So your DH takes a hypo and she posts stuff about him being embarrassing. I'd tell her to get to fuck actually.Angry
She sounds a charmer. Post isn't funny, and maybe it would have been nice if she would have asked how he was instead of posting crap on Facebook.
I liked Paul Dacres reply too. Even if he had been drunk, people stop casting stuff like that up when they are teenagers, so she is an immature arse tbh.
My DH took an anxiety attack once at a family party. A family member accused him of being a hypochondriac. I blew up....so I understand your anger OP.

StaffyMum · 04/12/2016 16:18

No, you weren't BU to point out that your DH has a serious medical condition. Anyone who has an understanding of diabetes knows that the symptoms of a hypo can cause the sufferer to appear drunk and it's important that your "friend" know this so she doesn't get the wrong end of the stick. Your "friend" should apologise to you for jumping to the wrong conclusion and then spreading malicious gossip. If she were someone I knew I would be very angry at her two faced behaviour. Stick to your guns. Don't apologise (you've done nothing wrong), and tell her that she is the one who should apologise as her comments were malicious, out of order and totally untrue! Angry

BoboBunnyH0p · 04/12/2016 16:48

I'd be deleting and blocking this 'friend' you don't need such an uncaring and self centred person in your life.

WhereYouLeftIt · 04/12/2016 16:55

"She has sent 4 messages and is now asking me to delete my response as she was 'only joking'. "
Well if she was only joking (she wasn't) she should have no problem updating her post by pointing out that yes it was a hypo and she had meant to be funny but it didn't come off, sorry for any offence.

I'd be inclined to give her both barrels too. She has slandered your husband and she needs to own it.

suchafuss · 04/12/2016 17:12

Type 1 diabetic here! Having a hypo is just horrible especially when out socially. There are too many people who are not aware of the symptoms so I take my hat off to you for trying to educate your 'friends'. These people are lacking in empathy and unfortunately there is still a lot of stigma around diabetes so that for many they will try and hide their condition rather than let people know so they can get help when it's needed. I'm sure your husband is grateful that you stood up for him when really you should not have had to!

Augustbaby22 · 04/12/2016 17:37

The woman was a complete twat for writing that I'm glad you did post to explain so it shows her true colours!
I'm a type 1 diabetic, I would describe it as feeling drunk it's a really weird feeling, I have very good awareness usually but sometimes if I feel incredibly irrationally angry I know I'm dropping.
I would just block and ignore

glintwithpersperation · 04/12/2016 17:39

If I was feeling charitable I would forgive her (unthoughtful) first post. But you privately told her why your DH was behaving oddly and she publicly tried to humiliate you both, so she is a twat.

Bluntness100 · 04/12/2016 17:51

For the record she says that this person posted that the op was back tracking and her husband "wasn't a drunk" which for me is much more than got pissed once. Could be wrong though but that's my interpretation, a drunk is repeated behaviour. Being drunk is singular. She's also said someone else who was there texted to say the op should apologise

Out with a group of friends you've known since uni who know the hubby is a tea totaller and would have known he wasn't drinking then this is highly unusual behaviour for them to say he is a drunk. Mean, sure it's mean, it should never have been posted, but there's something not right with this story.

So, he fell over, spilled a drink on someone, may have been staring at a woman, but the bottom line is anyone who knows someone is tea total , isa friend, and has been long term, and who was there and knows he's a diabetic then for them to post this shit is unusual. There's no question she shouldn't have posted it, but it's also very weird she did in this context.

pklme · 04/12/2016 17:52

Remind friend that if she regrets her post and your response, then she can delete her post which will also remove your comments. Problem solved.

There is no need for you to remove your comments, and absolutely no need to apologise. She can handle it all herself.

paddypants13 · 04/12/2016 17:57

Ywnbu. Don't even consider deleting your message. She should apologise and delete her passive aggressive comment about "the mrs defending him". You were right to defend him.

DailyMailSucksAss · 04/12/2016 17:58

Don't remove your comments. Stick to your guns. This isn't a friend, just a moronic bully.

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