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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think there is nowhere to have sex?

52 replies

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 04/12/2016 11:47

Two babies in our bedroom, DS in bedroom 2, MIL staying in B3 for a few months. From the minute one of the kids are up it doesn't stop until about 11pm by which time I'm usually too tired, and even if I'm not I know I need to be responsible and try to snatch some sleep before the babies wake up for a feed. We can't sneak off anywhere, not even to the shower. The kids need constant attention between them all, and while MIL is here to help we can't ask her to take 2 babies and a toddler while we "catch up on some rest". What do people do?

OP posts:

misscarlar · 04/12/2016 11:51

Do the babies nap?

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 04/12/2016 11:53

Tell mil to take the babies out for a couple of hours as you have some DIY to do

RJnomore1 · 04/12/2016 11:55

Quick trip to "the shop" in the car while mil keeps an eye on sleeping babies?

pipsqueak25 · 04/12/2016 11:58

why is mil staying so long ? does she work? could she take the lo out for a while or do something with ds out the house? you are going to have to grab the moments when you can even if it's a quickie,

pipsqueak25 · 04/12/2016 12:00

how old is ds ? and why can't she take the three out if needed to you can rest ? surely she would understand you and dp need time alone

Original poster

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 04/12/2016 12:02

Babies nap upstairs in living room. The toddler does not nap and is glued to my side all day!

The car is an interesting suggestion. Kinda wish the garage locked from the inside :( We did get tinted windows... Still, no way MIL would let us leave her with two babies and a toddler!

OP posts:

bigredfireengine · 04/12/2016 12:03

Quick trip to "the shop" in the car while mil keeps an eye on sleeping babies?

I think sex in the shop car park is risky!

DorotheaHomeAlone · 04/12/2016 12:03

Mil takes toddler out for lunch/treat at babies nap time?

Original poster

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 04/12/2016 12:06

Babies are only 3 months old so MIL's come to help take care of them. She pretty much just does the dishes, laundry etc and lets me do the childcare, which of course is wonderful of her, but she really wouldn't be up for looking after all 3. DS is 3yo. He is very well. Shaved for his age but even I'm not game to take them far by myself.

OP posts:

mudandmayhem01 · 04/12/2016 12:07

Toddler on the I pad, mil minds the babies for an hour whilst you two sort out wrapping presents in the bedroom 😉 (this one works brilliantly as nobody wants a surprise to be spoilt ( different surprise if anyone decides to burst in!)

OohMavis · 04/12/2016 12:10

He is very well. Shaved for his age

We don't have a MIL in the house but we do have a gluey toddler and a 3mo baby, so I feel your pain.

How are the babies' routines? What time does toddler toddle off to bed?

MadeForThis · 04/12/2016 12:10

You need 2 babysitters. Toddler out to the park and the babies out for a walk. Love the wrapping presents idea. Will borrow that one.
Also love the shaved toddler lol

Original poster

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 04/12/2016 12:11

That would be good if we could plan their nap times. They are too little just yet, and it's often the case they alternate all day so one is always awake. I guess that will sort itself out in the months to come and MIL won't be here forever, but it's a bit odd.

I like the car idea. We do have a van! One of the perks of an unexpectedly large family I'm thinking dark car park with tinted windows should be ok for a date night. Once a month is better than none, right? Sigh.

OP posts:

Threeboysandus · 04/12/2016 12:13

Could you squeeze in a quickie when babies are asleep in the evening? In the bedroom with them! We are in a. Similar situation but our baby in room is two so sleeps all night. Find it hard to find the energy after looking after them all day and it's not very nice having mil in the next room!

SukeyTakeItOffAgain · 04/12/2016 12:13

I have no advice but am sniggering about the well shaved toddler

Maybe just resign yourselves to a dry spell? Make up for it when she's gone.

Original poster

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 04/12/2016 12:16

Ha! Yes I take extra care when shaving him. Got to look his best.

Wrapping presents is gold! I'd better remember to turn off the baby monitor. And wedge the door shut. MIL also has no understanding that she can't just walk into our room any time. It's kind of understandable though because we're obviously not getting up to much in there...

OP posts:

OohMavis · 04/12/2016 12:16

So what about when you're all in bed? The babies sleep at the same time at night, right? MIL asleep, toddler asleep... Maybe you just need to settle for a very quick quickie and straight to sleep and be thankful you're still probably having more sex than most new parents

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 04/12/2016 12:19

Babies are only 3 months old so MIL's come to help take care of them. She pretty much just does the dishes, laundry etc and lets me do the childcare, hang on, where's the childcare? And why so long? (I had dc1 and Twins similar age, so know how tough it was)
Get the twins asleep, give her a load of Christmas craft shite to do with biggun. Give her a wink and say "wrapping to do mil", skip up stairs, chair under doorknob. If the babies cry, well, they will cry, she's had kids, she's come to "help", she can help.

Justaboy · 04/12/2016 12:19

Third thread here recently re how to get some nookie in whilst the toddlers nippers, babes are around. Probably the reason why some men complain that they don't get any once the children have turned up!

As to resorting the car van I always thought that was over with once you 'err married or shacked up;! Is this why some countries have "love hotels" rented by the hour just for somewhere to go;?

pipsqueak25 · 04/12/2016 12:28

mil is acting as your contraceptive you do know that don't you ? she's hardly doing anything anyway, i'd get her removed for a start then take it from there. was it your choice or dh's to have her stay so long ? this isn't going to end well if she sticks around too long ime,
mine dm stayed for weeks on end after ds1 was born and it caused all sorts of shite as she would lay down such a big guilt trip on me [massive back story] horrible time around.

Kpo58 · 04/12/2016 12:33

I'm quite impressed that you are even thinking about sex with all that going on.

minisoksmakehardwork · 04/12/2016 12:34

Twins? Don't worry. It's early days and I can assure you, you will get back on track. Until dts turn about 4 and they and the 6yo decide your bed is more comfy than theirs . But; middle of the night after babies have fed was always our prime time. We managed to sync their feeds up as we would both be awake.

franincisco · 04/12/2016 12:36

OP you are making things hard for yourself. If you can motivate yourself to have sex in a van in a car park I'm sure a quickie at night whilst everyone else is asleep isn't too hard. It is the only way a lot of new parents DTD.

I am a bit about setting the MIL to work wrapping presents whilst you are "busy" upstairs. The fact that she is doing housework, cookery etc is a massive help in itself and people are implying she is not doing enough childcare as well.

Halloweensnake · 04/12/2016 12:37

6pm,every night ,bath story milk bed,right from day one out of hospital..I had 3 under 3. They were all in bed at 7 . With bits attached to cot ,lights on ceilings to help self settle....evenings were mine they all slept well ,I had to persevere with this routine and make sure they were tired by bedtime,so incredibly busy days...but evenings were my own..you could try today wear them out walks in fresh air and bath at 6... be worth it if it meant you got some sex in the evenings..although I have to say that wasn't my preferred choice of spending my evening time..

Horsegirl1 · 04/12/2016 12:37

Can u not just have sex in bed at night when babies are sleeping ? I have 2 little ones in our room and they never wake up when we did

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