Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think there is nowhere to have sex?

52 replies

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 04/12/2016 11:47

Two babies in our bedroom, DS in bedroom 2, MIL staying in B3 for a few months. From the minute one of the kids are up it doesn't stop until about 11pm by which time I'm usually too tired, and even if I'm not I know I need to be responsible and try to snatch some sleep before the babies wake up for a feed. We can't sneak off anywhere, not even to the shower. The kids need constant attention between them all, and while MIL is here to help we can't ask her to take 2 babies and a toddler while we "catch up on some rest". What do people do?

OP posts:
Original poster
Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 04/12/2016 12:38

We need a love hotel! That would be just the thing.

OhWhat, she's very anxious. She will happily hold/feed a baby if asked, read to DS if my hands are full etc, but she's just not confident to take care of them independently, and disappears to her room to read as soon as a crisis is over. Anyway, this is off topic. Point is, we're a bedroom down!

AIBU to feel weird about doing it with babies in the room? I know this is how humanity has done things since humans existed. Is it just me?

Ugh, and now I've stayed up late MNing. I could have been having sex! In the van...

OP posts:
Horsegirl1 · 04/12/2016 12:38

I'm very impressed you are wanting sex so soon after birth haha

SlottedSpoon · 04/12/2016 12:42

I am also LOLing at 'he is very well shaved for his age'

Autocorrect is usually an arse but sometimes he gives joyous gifts. Grin

EggysMom · 04/12/2016 12:43

AIBU to feel weird about doing it with babies in the room?

I'd feel weird about doing it with MIL in the house ...

Horsegirl1 · 04/12/2016 12:43

I would hate having mil to stay. Iv 4 kids and a hubby that's a farmer and he didn't even get any paternity leave . I was just left to crack on with it. Mind you I wouldn't let anyone help me as I'm fiercely independent. Hats off to u for allowing mil to stay so long. To be honest she doesn't sound that helpful so maybe it's time she went home and you got on yourself. Sounds like u r managing just fine without much help from her anyways

Boolovessulley · 04/12/2016 12:45

I think it's time for mil to go and give you some privacy.

therootoftheroot · 04/12/2016 12:50

i am WELL impressed that you hvae a 3 year old and three month old twins and you are even THINKING about sex!

passingthrough1 · 04/12/2016 12:51

What's wrong with the bedroom with the 3 months old in it?

pipsqueak25 · 04/12/2016 12:57

mil needs to go home imo does she have a dh /dp ? if she is on her own is this the reason she is staying so long ? really think you and dh need time to get your ducks straight with your little family and your love life, it isn't going to happen anytime soon if a third party is in the mix

DailyMailSucksAss · 04/12/2016 12:59

How old are the babies? If young and sleep thru the night just have sex in the room with them.

RJnomore1 · 04/12/2016 13:00

Just to. E clear I wasn't suggesting you went to Tesco car park!!! Just remember to grab milk or whatever on way back...

Original poster
Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 04/12/2016 13:01

It's true about MIL. She went home for a few weeks and I find the household much happier generally. It's not pleasant when both babies desperately want to be picked up and are crying and 3yo is desperate for reassurance that he hasn't been replaced at the same time, but you muddle through those moments and it's nice to not be scrutinized while it's all going on. At the same time it is really nice to come upstairs after putting DS to bed and the dishes are done and the washing is folded and put away and I can just cuddle my babies and relax with some tv and ice cream. I am honestly very thankful for what she does. It will be nice to have my house back but as she's put her own life on hold for us I'll just wait it out.

OP posts:
Original poster
Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 04/12/2016 13:04

Heh, yes tesco car park must be about as unromantic as it gets. Waitrose?

OP posts:
YelloDraw · 04/12/2016 13:06

Is this why some countries have "love hotels" rented by the hour just for somewhere to go;?

Yup. In Tokyo you have inter generational families living together in essentially studio apartments and housing is extremely expensive, so often love hotels are the only place to go for some sexy time!

pipsqueak25 · 04/12/2016 13:16

op is mil on her own though ? i'm trying to find that out as you seem to be resigned to her staying when it would be ok to say 'we want to try on our own now, but thanks your all your help' if she lives alone are you feeling guilty and think she should stay ?
'put her life on old' what does that mean ? gave up work, hobbies ? and who suggested she came to stay anyway ? i for one and perhaps others would be interested to know as that could put a different slant on the situation.

expatinscotland · 04/12/2016 13:26

Um, your bed. You have a quickie before going to sleep. Hmm

DailyMailSucksAss · 04/12/2016 13:28

I come from a culture where mils come round to 'help' post-birth but end up causing more trouble than they're worth. Far less stress just to fudge through things yourself.

GeekyWombat · 04/12/2016 13:38

We have use for a Travelodge as a 'love hotel'

Blush

MIL came round to sit after we'd got toddler and baby to bed (thankfully the latter doesn't tend to wake until later in the night) and we went out to 'see a film'.

CageyBee · 04/12/2016 13:43

Maybe you are a panda and sex will become obsolete?

Qwertie · 04/12/2016 13:54

My 3 year old is not very well shaved for his age; He looks like Wurzel Gummidge. Xmas Grin

SoupDragon · 04/12/2016 13:57

Isn't this what is meant by natural contraception?

Marmalade85 · 04/12/2016 14:24

I'm also impressed that you've just had twins and sex is your priority. I had a c-section and the thought of sex made me feel ill for quite a while.

AWaspOnAWindowInAHeatwave · 04/12/2016 14:47

God, DH and I have only managed it TWICE since DD was born 9mths ago, and we're lucky to have a toddler who sleeps through, an older DD at the other end of the house, and a stone-deaf MIL who has the TV on so loud she wouldn't notice a plane crashing into the roof.

This may have something to do with my glaring murderously at DH whenever he's suggested using valuable sleep time for anything other than sleep.

IckleWicklePumperNickle · 04/12/2016 14:48

We DTD with baby is in the room and he's sleeping. Also did when eldest was in our room. We don't have MIL all the time.

Niggit · 04/12/2016 15:11

Another vote for the car here...we lived with the ILs for a while, and used to go "to the pub". It was only a Toyota 1000, so we had to be inventive and flexible, but we managed!

My DPs took us on holiday for a fortnight once when the DC were small, which was very sweet of them, but it meant all 6 of us living in a tiny chalet with papier mache walls. DP and I went for a walk one evening into the surrounding woods. It was far from ideal, but substantially better than nothing.