No you plonker ex husband you are not allowed to know if my tree is up yet

[Potentialmadcatlady]

AIBU to think that my plonker exh has no business is asking kids whether 'our Christmas tree' is up yet and when told NO it's none of his business to ask 'why not'.... 5+ plus years of endless court dates, financial ruin, fraud, irregular contact, constant inappropriate behaviour and he wants to know 'why our tree isn't up yet'.... Bastard

So little update....I took a tiny tree with me to court in my bag and it may just have sat on the bench beside me with some little lights on it....it was not an easy day....my side was all about financial stuff, his side was all about attacking me as much as possible and making me out to be the worst mother ever- all very personal and nasty ,very nasty and very upsetting if I think about it so I have decided not too..the judge took my side but there was very little he could do to help- I really think that the law lets decent people down and I never thought that before...but my side was believed and that's what I needed although it would have been nice if he could have been made to 'find' the money he has pissed up the wall and the some..
Financially I'm now screwed for life and have two kids to look after one of whom will need lifetime support ( well they both will always have my support but you get what I mean)... He has got away with destroying mortgage and both his and my credit rating...
He has not destroyed me however..nearly but not quite...

Yes, it is hard for the law to stop men like this (or women) getting debts and spending money. I know one divorcing couple where one of them got a court order to freeze all the money so it would not be spent which did work. So if you can get those freezing orders as soon as you start the divorce in cases where someone might otherwise spend the money that court remedy is available. If they've run up the debts when married that's different.

At least the judge believed you. Credit ratings are harder to put right. I have worked full time for 10 years since the divorce and financially obviously that's worked out very well although it's very hard and may not be possible if you have a child who needs care.

He has hidden/ moved/disapated/spent/lost enough money that would have protected his children into adulthood...we were able to prove it all and judge said the legal speak for 'you are dodgy as'... He is going to be made bankrupt and I was too but I have a tiny sense of satisfaction because it looks like I will avoid that...
I don't know how he lives with himself, if it was me I would be working four jobs to provide for my kids...he literally does nothing while I do full time care...
And all he could do was say what an awful person I was...judge told him off for that...
I would love just one person to stand up for me and call him out on it but in my world people are too polite for that..my brothers would never dream of it and rarely bother with me anyway...
Aw well it's mostly over now, will still be legal bits to finalise but that's worst bit over..I hope..with him you just never know...the things he said were appalling and I will let the kids read it if ask when they are a bit older..

But someone did stand up for you. The judge did. The one person who genuinely gets to see both sides, still believed you and slapped him down. He will hate that, and hate it more that you were there and saw him being told off.

Thats worth a lot.

I agree the fact that the judge saw through his bullshit lies and called him out on it will have REALLY hurt him plus you have it in black and white - ready for you to post on FaceBook or perhaps as a Christmas card if you ever feel the need...

I hope you are feeling a bit more peace now

True I know...but him being told off doesn't feed and clothe his kids... Or bring back the money that I worked for since I was 15 and put into the house and mortgage...or give me back all the money that he has hidden...or give me back my home that I worked so hard for....or give me back my credit rating...
It's like the law has recognised he has stolen/hidden money and said naughty boy but you get to keep the money....
I have a strong moral code and this goes against it...basically he has got away with it and still gets to see his kids and get the joy of them without providing for them....

If he's going bankrupt he won't keep the money. Did you give up work? Is that where the problem came from? I suspect one reason I did okay on my divorce is I was the main wage earner and always worked full time.

Anyway hopefully you can build things back up now you are rid of him but it sounds very difficult. Mine doesn't see his children even one night a year. I suppose if yours sees his it will be easier with full time work as he can do the childcare or find the child minders etc Instead I have to earn all the money and find all the childcare as I cannot in law force him to have the children even one night a year. The sooner these men are forced to do 50/50 childcare the better.

Can't say too much but the money has been 'moved' so he can get it back when he wants it ( he has siblings)
I had to give up work to be carer for SN child and still am his carer..I have tried repeatedly to get back to work but kept having to leave again when kids condition got worse- it was leave or be pushed sort of situation..I tried taking on a less professional role for a while too but was asked to leave that because of the number of times I had to leave in an emergency..
Unfortunately him doing childcare is not an option as kids are increasingly unhappy with spending time with him and it's now cut right down to tea out every few weeks...
I know I will hopefully get there...eventually...thanks again for listening

Have you spoken to the police about this fraud and theft? It could be that the civil court is limited as to what it can do but the police may be able to do more. And could you sue him? Based on the evidence you have, why couldnt you?

Again don't want to say too much but it is being reported...then the evidence can be released to authorities- can't sue myself- no money to do it

Oh I agree it's rubbish. I didn't realise he has effectively hidden the money via family - I thought he'd just lavishly spent it to spite you.

I just think they can't actually have any true "faith" if they did they would be sh*tting themselves over how they will be spending eternity...

They 'believe' they are 'chosen' and I'm now the work of the devil sent to destroy them...all very way out there stuff that gets worse the older they all get..thankfully I played the long game with that one and kids have seen through it all...am kinda hoping they will push them too far one of these days so they go NC... I work very hard at being the open reliable one who my kids can say anything too as my way of protecting them from the whole 'chosen' one stuff..
Another week closer to Christmas, can't wait for it to be 2017

Maybe the kids want it to be put up? They're saying their Dad asked to try to coax you into doing it?

Spectacular case of needing to RTFT Bantandeec.
Hope you have a Happy Christmas with your dc OP.

He'll likely report you to social services for not having your tree up yet
My ex twat reported me to social services for going to bed one night and leaving my daughter downstairs. She was 15.

Thisis... That made me smile....which is hard to do...yes you are probably right...he has already sent police this year- hilariously when they appeared to check (because apparently I was neglecting/harming my child) the same child was having a party with dips/pizza/lots of friends round...the friends thought it was the best party ever..