To think that if you're not 100% sure someone is pregnant you don't say anything?

[ExplodingCarrots]

I'm always paranoid that someone's going to ask me if I'm pregnant . I have gained a little bit of weight and I suffer with bloating.

My postie comes to the door. Someone I see everyday. He offers to carry the boxes in my house because 'I'm carrying another one now'. Uuuummm no I'm not! He apologised profusely but my god it's a kick in the teeth when it happens.

Trying not to reach for the chocolate now....

I hate this. I am pregnant but early days. Someone at work recently suddenly blurted out "you're not pregnant are you?"

It was astonishingly rude. If I am and have chosen not to say then keep you mouth shut!

Sorry op, you must have been pretty upset by that.

Ah the school nursery teacher asked me this the other week, and when I said asked if I was sure! Yes I bloody am thank you

To be fair if I was handing heavy boxes to what I thought was a pregnant woman, I probably would have said the same.

Other than that, I wouldn't mention it until the woman herself did.

I don't think you can blame him in this instance.

If he had just said, "No, I'll carry them", you might have got all offended and assumed it was because you're female and he therefore thinks you couldn't manage.

Agreed. I've got a tummy after 3 children (but slim legs, arms). I've been asked a couple of times when baby is due, and i smile and mumble something about not being pregnant (and mentally note not to wear what I was wearing ever again). As a colleague said "don't ask, because if the answer is no there is no coming back from it".

I did this the other way around last week. Saw an acquaintance who I hadn't seen for a couple of months. She is someone who worries about her weight and has lost four stone in recent years.

I thought she was looking very well and appeared to me to have lost a bit more weight- her face looked more chiselled iyswim. So I complimented her. Anyway, turns out she's five months pregnant and she thought I was taking the piss . I hadn't even noticed her quite small bump.

A woman offered me a seat on the train the other day and I said no thanks (as I didn't need one). Then she asked me if I was pregnant! So rude. I'd already said I didn't need a seat so why ask me that? I spent the rest of the journey (the rest of the day in fact) feeling really upset and self-conscious because I had no idea I looked so fat. I'm a little bit overweight but really don't think I look pregnant.

I'd never say anything unless I was 100% someone was pregnant - as you say, they might not be, and even if they were, they might not be at a stage where they were ready to talk about it.

I've guessed that a couple of women I know were pregnant about a month before they announced it, but I didn't ask them until they volunteered the info as I assumed that they would tell people when they were good and ready and that it would be insensitive to question them before that.

I can totally sympathise. My body shape is fairly straight up and down, with a belly where any weight sits. I lost two stone before my wedding, down to a size 10 and still had someone ask if I was expecting!! so embarrassing, but I like to think it's equally embarrassing for both parties involved. I've learned now to brush it off and ignore while signing up for more Pilates classes

I always get paranoid that I look pregnant when someone offers me their seat on the tube. Maybe it's just men trying to be nice ? I don't know. Someone please teach them to stop because it won't win them brownie points, it will earn them an upset glare.

I stopped smoking last year, and have put on so much weight.
I must have used the fags as an appetite suppressant, because in the last year I never feel full.
And all the weight has gone to my belly.
Someone has also touched my belly while asking. Fucking mortifying

Oh gosh yes, we have to be very careful these days with so many women around who are so overweight that they look pregnant.
I have learnt to not rush in with congratulations, as invariably the 'pregnant' woman was just, shall we say, a bit on the large side!

That's the one advantage of being really fat because I'm past the stage of looking pregnant!

I had a man saying I shouldn't be loading his car up. I know you're pregnant not ill. I said 'nah i'm just fat don't worry about it. Poor bloke was mortified.

Happened to me years ago, a particularly unsuitable contraceptive pill had left me very, very bloated.

I was standing outside a bar with some friends, cigarette in one hand, glass of wine in the other, happily chatting away, when this old bat walks up to me, looks me up and down, and says I should be ashamed of myself.

I was until I joined the dots and realised she thought I was smoking and drinking while pregnant.

I didn't know whether to be mortified or amused.

I've had this too. An old er man at my church asked. I felt awful about it for ages (and have been conscious of my stomach ever since :-( )

I'm not particularly large Susannah
It's just the weight is unfortunately distributed straight to my stomach

This only happens to me after I've lost weight, because the bloating gets more obvious iykwim.

It is awful and even though some people don't mean anything by it or don't think, it is upsetting.

I have endometriosis and sometimes the bloating is ridiculous I know I look like I did at around 6 moths pregnant when it happens. I am constantly worried that someone will ask me. Rationally I know most people would be mortified if they said it however I can't help worrying as the effect it has on my self esteem is bad enough without someone suggesting it.

YANBU I do think sometimes though people should use their common sense and if you aren't sure don't ask, especially if they are a friend/colleague/relative if you are it's up to you to decide when to say something. I think your postman will be mortified and was trying to be kind but I totally understand how upsetting it is.

I had the exact opposite. Six days past my due date, had put on four stone, bump entering the room before I did, not seen my feet in months.

(Nice) neighbour comes to my door to ask if we could fix a time to come round for him to discuss his new extension with me and my husband. I say of course, but as I'm due any day the best thing to do is wait until the baby is born and DH is on paternity leave and pop round for a cuppa and a chat then.

"Oh wow, you're pregnant are you? I didn't realise! That's fantastic news. Congratulations!"

We finished the conversation, I closed the front door and cried.

Obviouslypeople shouldn't mention it, but unless it's being done maliciously, then I think it's often the connotation that's more upsetting rather than the actual question. The "oh god I actually look obviously pregnant" kind of thing. Some people speak without thinking.

Is it rude, well it's overly personal, it's none of their business.but I'm not sure it's rude as such, particularly not deliberately rude, it depends on intent. But no it's best not to ask that question really.

A slim build and minimal bust means that any slight bloat can make me look 4 months pregnant remarkably quickly as there's no hiding space.

I've constantly had pregnancy rumours from students. The irony is I had to tell some friends that I was pregnant in the first trimester because it looked that obvious (I was already upsized in clothes and transitioning to maternity clothes). After the weekend with them, I went to the toilet and emerged 10 minutes later with a nearly flat stomach

I quite agree. And that goes to all the posters who moan that "nobody offered me a seat when it was obvious I was pregnant". If you aren't wearing a badge then nobody should ever take it for granted. Many commuters have been scarred by well-meant but offensive seat-offers gone horribly wrong and will never take the risk of guessing ever again.

OTOH I had the reverse happen when I completely failed to notice that an obese mate who I hadn't seen for ages was seven months pg. That was pretty mortifying for both of us but there was nothing I could have done to avoid it.

He's a really nice bloke and he was mortified. I do feel sorry for him but keep thinking why the hell did you say that.

I'm very very self conscious about my tummy so I was a bit upset at first. Trying to see the funny side now. Even when I dropped 2 stone and was running 4 times a week I still had a bloated tummy .

YANBU, God no. I would never say anything, even when someone looks heavily pregnant...you never know. Your postman probably thinks of you as a slim person OP so when you were a little bloated he got the wrong end of the stick, if he thought of you as fat he would not have said anything.

I live in fear of someone saying this to me. Earlier today I had to walk through town carrying a Jojo maman Bebe bags it ha gift in, really hoping not to see anyone I know! On the other hand, if no one says it, perhaps they think I look too old....

Ps if it is any consolation, remember when the press all got the idea Michelle Obama was pregnant and started showing pics of her tummy?