To think that if you're not 100% sure someone is pregnant you don't say anything?

[ExplodingCarrots]

I'm always paranoid that someone's going to ask me if I'm pregnant . I have gained a little bit of weight and I suffer with bloating.

My postie comes to the door. Someone I see everyday. He offers to carry the boxes in my house because 'I'm carrying another one now'. Uuuummm no I'm not! He apologised profusely but my god it's a kick in the teeth when it happens.

Trying not to reach for the chocolate now....

I carry a lot of weight around my tummy (stomach muscles gave up after child number 5) so many people keep asking when I'm due 😥. Depends what sort of day I'm having sometimes it mortifys me and some days I just go with it, like if someone offers up a bus seat , I'm taking it! Serves them right for being so rude.

I get it a lot - i was put on the wrong high dose of steroids which led to a medical condition which means I'm now basically a big round tummy and face with skinny arms and legs . Doesn't matter what I eat. In the grand scheme of things it's not as bad as some of the other problems but I am unable to have a baby, so every time it's said it upsets me.

I know someone who was going through scans regarding infertility after a long time of trying and struggling, at ultrasound she found out she was eight months pregnant! She was so overweight and had pcos (so lack of periods meant nothing) and had no idea. She was beyond shocked - I took her to the scan and thought to begin with she'd been told she was seriously ill. She, and her DH had two weeks to get used to the idea before having her DD.

I knew a GP who was very thin and went on maternity leave and nearly everyone was as she barely had any bump at all. Her son was 9lb though it was a total mystery to all of us. She didn't wear really baggy clothes or anything like that just her normal stuff.

My point being you really cannot tell.

When people ask me if I am due I smile and say '6 years ago!'.

Pisses me off. I have a condition where fluid collects in my stomach and so I always look pg.

Maybe if someone asks again, prepare with an equally intrusive question to ask them right back, with a cheery smile - I'm struggling to think of a good one - but I'm sure someone will help!

I meant to say 'when people ask me when I am due' not if.

I thought the rule was to say nothing unless you could see the head emerging?
Not a bad idea....

Becca
That's the thing, behind it all there is probably someone who cannot have children, suffer from an illness or is trying for a baby. I have IBS so some days the bloat can be awful. I also have anxiety and depression so a simple mistake like this can really set me back. Think I need to get the slimming world books out let me just finish my huge pepperoni pizza first

A lady was due 3 months ahead of me, but due to her being a larger lady nobody really connected she was pregnant until she was parading with a newborn in a pram. Just the other week she was walking towards us pushing the pram and looked heavily pregnant. My friend couldn't believe she was pregnant again so quickly and insisted on confratulating her. Except I knew she was pregnant. My friend has shouted out a loud congratulations accompanied with a frenzied wave, I hissed in her ear she wasn't lregnant. The lady was rather confused as to why my friend congratulated her, my friend said she was congratulating her on the bundle in the pram, the one that is 9 months old, the one that she had already congratulated her on

My rule is, unless they refer to the baby they are carrying, or tell you. Don't ask!

Congratulating her not confratulating her

A work colleague congratulated me last year, assuming I was pregnant. She was mortified when I told her I wasn't pregnant.
I'm straight up and down figure-wise and was slightly bloated that day. I was feeling crap anyway because we'd been ttc for several months with no luck.
I went home and cried, then found out a week later that I actually was pregnant after all...
Definitely agree it is very rude to comment if you have not been told!

I have done this once, much to my shame! A very slim acquaintance was wearing a duvet coat, which pooched up across her tummy, making her look about 5months gone. She wasn't bothered, luckily. But it's been said to me more than once in error. I'm so embarrassed to have done it myself! I have also ignored the very obvious maternity bump in case I was wrong, and been thought rude for not congratulating someone! Can't win...

He's a really nice bloke and he was mortified. I do feel sorry for him but keep thinking why the hell did you say that.

Because he thought carrying boxes might be dangerous, given that he thought you were pregnant

It wasn't idle chitchat. He had a reason to to say it and at least it came from a good place.

Yep, in mycase it has always been women asking me if im pregnant, never men. Worst was someone who really should have known better, they told me oh youve put on a lot of weight are you pregnant, wtaf.

I come from a long line of apple shaped women and have had this my entire life whatever size I've been!

The last time was in a cable car in Italy when a lovely (slender - grr!!) Italian mum was warning her excitable little boys to be careful because the lady had a baby in her tummy. I don't speak Italian but I understood that! I'd actually got past caring by then and just smiled and hoped she wouldn't ask when it was due as I'd have had to make up a date rather than tell the truth and have her try and explain that to her little boys in a crowded cable car!

That was three years ago and I must be looking old as no one has asked me since and I am exactly the same size- they must all think it's middle aged spread now, although the belly has been there all my life!

"Oh wow, you're pregnant are you? I didn't realise! That's fantastic news. Congratulations!"

The same thing happened to me, with my opposite neighbour. She didn't realise until after I'd had the baby. I really wouldn't take it to heart, I had a flat stomach and a bmi of 23 prior to the pregnancy. Her only excuse was it was a winter baby but even so

Hell, I wouldn't even ask if I saw the baby peaking out.
I have been asked a few times (carry weight around my tummy) and my colleague gets asked all the time. It's very rude and extremely hurtful for the person on the receiving end

ExplodingCarrots I'm exactly the same-IBS and anxiety! Fuck, it's grim. Some dick asked me if I was pregnant a couple of months ago, I just said 'er..no, just fat'. I'm not even fat, I'm about 9 stone with a huge, distended belly which is always hidden under baggy clothes. I was gutted for weeks afterwards. The asker was so mortified I don't think they'll make that mistake again with anyone.

If you really can't think of anything to say to someone outside of asking invasive personal questions, talk about the weather or better still, go away.

This pisses me right off, I regularly got asked this, from when I was carrying months old dd in her carseat (helloooo! Do the maths!) to when we were trying for #2 (unsuccessful frozen embryo transfers over 6months). It was hard to lose the baby weight until we had the possibility for any more babies slammed in our face (but hey "miracles do happen!") and then it was like being kicked in the vagina every time, because if I told them no, I would still be asked again (same person asked me 3 times over probably as many months, finally stopped when I dissolved into tears in front of about 6 adults and 10 kids explaining that no, I wasn't pregnant/ had just had my fourth miscarriage 2 weeks ago/wasn't actually able to have any more babies. Mortifying). Some people are really fucking clueless. Yes I had a stomach, if you saw me 10/20 years ago I still had a stomach then, I could be fit as, running, climbing, swimming and still look pregnant. It's never ok to ask when someone is due if you don't know for sure that they are pregnant.

And I used to answer with "no, not pregnant, just fat" to which someone even replied "oh no, you're not fat"
Well clearly I must be, if I look pregnant?

Ah OP u think most of us have been there. It's awful and makes you want to run away! It came from a place of good intentions. Try not to let it upset you. I'm definately of the don't ask unless a head is sticking out!

I once told a customer in work that I wasn't pregnant but I certainly wouldn't wear the outfit again and would probably have a smaller lunch. I promptly stopped all chat and got someone else to serve her!

Best to keep schtum unless you are sure. I once heard a couple of women at work talking about me, saying they'd thought I was pregnant but it "was just the dress", I had an empire line type dress on and was a bit overweight. It was mortifying.

But what if someone genuinely you were pregnant? How can they be UR then.

If someone offers me a seat on the tube because they think I'm preggers I take it.

Amelie, you can genuinely believe something to be true and it can still be unreasonable to say it to their face. Nothing wrong with thinking "Ooh, is she?!" in private, (although speculating in public fora is in pretty bad taste). But if I genuinely think a customer (say) has bad breath it's still unreasonable to remark on it to them.