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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is this sexist or am I being petty? (semi-lighthearted)

55 replies

lilyb84 · 02/12/2016 16:06

DH does this all the time. We see a male health professional - he's a "doctor" (including the awesome male midwife who delivered our ds). We see a female health professional - she's a "nurse", regardless of whether she's actually a doctor, dentist etc.

He's not sexist in any other way whatsoever, in fact is one of the least sexist men I know, but this really gets my goat. Am I being ridiculous or do I need to start some sort of Pavlovian shock therapy to get him to call people by their correct professional title so my blood pressure doesn't go through the roof?!

Incidentally he never actually does this to their face, only when talking about experiences afterwards to me/friends/family. I'm sure a female doctor (or any above examples) would put him bang to rights if he did

OP posts:

AndShesGone · 02/12/2016 16:08

That would really annoy me too

splendide · 02/12/2016 16:08

He sounds a bit dim to be honest - how odd. So he'll say he saw a nurse when he means a female doctor? Does he know that's wrong?

DailyMailSucksAss · 02/12/2016 16:23

That is sexist though. Not sure why you're prefacing his comments with 'he's not sexist but...' when he's clearly out of order here.

CozumelFox · 02/12/2016 16:23

Calling a doctor a nurse is as wrong as calling a pilot a mechanic, or a cashier a judge, or a baker a policeman.

Remind him that very little children can get most occupations right, and so can he, or you'll insist he gets tested for brain injury.

TheAntiBoop · 02/12/2016 16:24

Is he foreign? I have a friend who thought nurse was the female for doctor! He was mortified when he realised his mistake!!

I assume you have told him though what does he do for a living?

happychristmasbum · 02/12/2016 16:27

Yes it is sexist. And yes he does sound excessively dim. If he is from Forrin like Boop suggests and just thinks these are feminine and masculine variations we will let him off. Otherwise, I agree that electro therapy of some form or another is probably justifiable.

Ifailed · 02/12/2016 16:29

Sexist. LTB.

quencher · 02/12/2016 16:34

You can dress your husband whichever way you want. It's sexist.
I hope he is forrin. You can then can explain it to him. Hey haven't you? If you have then what is his problem for not respecting women?

Does he walk past the female doctor straight to talk to the male nurse by any chance?

Boolovessulley · 02/12/2016 16:38

It's odd and sexist.

SpeakNoWords · 02/12/2016 16:41

Agree with odd and sexist. You'd think he'd have been sufficiently embarrassed by it once you'd pointed it out to stop it immediately.

FeckinCrutches · 02/12/2016 16:47

Sexist and a bit stupid.
Would he honestly say 'I've been to the nurse today and she's written me a prescription for XYZ' rather than say he'd been to see the female doctor?

SapphireStrange · 02/12/2016 16:49

Sexist and stupid of him.

Trifleorbust · 02/12/2016 16:51

So he calls his female GP a nurse and his male midwife a doctor?

Seriously sexist or seriously thick. Possibly both.

sallysparrow157 · 02/12/2016 16:54

I'm a female doctor and have often been referred to as nurse, nothing at all against nurses but I'm not one so it does annoy me a bit, particularly when people then claim they've not been seen by a doctor (for example, having introduced myself and explained my role, examined, diagnosed and prescribed treatment for a child, the family, when a male doctor asked if they'd been seen yet told home that 'some woman came in but she didn't do anything and then she left')

What really pissed me off was someone I was at school with insisting to me that I couldn't possibly be a doctor as I'm a girl so obviously I'm mistaken about what my job is and I'm a nurse. She's said it to me and to my father on separate occasions so clearly genuinely believes this...

TheFairyCaravan · 02/12/2016 17:02

DS2 is a student nurse. He rarely gets called nurse, it's either doctor, nice young man, or boy! It's ridiculous in this day and age, imho, that people can't get their heads around it.

Lorelei76 · 02/12/2016 17:11

In all of these I don't think anyone is thick
They are blatant misogynists.

rightsofwomen · 02/12/2016 17:12

Bizarre. I hope he doesn't talk such nonsense in front of your DS.

pigsDOfly · 02/12/2016 17:14

Christ, that would annoy me. I always thought my exh was pretty sexist in many ways, but even he know that a woman who qualifies as a doctor is a doctor and nurses can be male or female.

Clearly you must know some very sexist men OP if your DH is the least sexist one you know, or as pp have said, he's the dimmest.

If he goes on a plane and the pilot is a woman does he conclude that the plane is being flown by a stewardess - or as he'd probably think of them a 'trolley dolly'?

MikeUniformMike · 02/12/2016 17:15

When I were a lass, my grandma asked me if I'd like to be a nurse when I grew up. At the time I thought "If I'd been a boy, she'd have asked if I'd like to be a doctor". We had a female GP so it hadn't crossed my mind that doctors were presumed to be male.

Your husband is a bit thick or sexist.

I read Paula Radcliffe's biography and went right off her when she (or her ghostwriter) referred to a lady doctor. Lady doctor - is that someone who qualified as a doctor but has a hereditary title.

stickygotstuck · 02/12/2016 17:20

Yep, sounds like sexism to me.

If you say he's not normally that way inclined, perhaps it's unintentional. The kind of sexism that's so ingrained in society (as we can see for PP's comments) that he doesn't think about it.

All the more reason to call him out on it!

I counteract that social trend in the future genrations by assuming ALL (unknown) professionals are female when talking to my DD (we speak a gendered language). So I will say thinkgs like "Now we'll go and see the nice female doctor or male doctor, who will make you better in a jiffy". OR "I am sure there is a brave "woman firefighter" or "man firefighter" who is just about to help put that out".

Experiment seems to be progressing well so far .

LivingOnTheDancefloor · 02/12/2016 17:21

What does he say when you correct him?

Original poster

lilyb84 · 02/12/2016 17:22

He's not that thick and it would never come out in his qctual physical dealings with people, ie he wouldn't rock up to the doctors office and ask to see the nurse just because it was a female doctor. As I said he's in no way sexist in any other way - it's this ONE slip of the tongue which bugs me because I worry that a slip of the tongue lets on to what he really thinks....

OP posts:

Original poster

lilyb84 · 02/12/2016 17:22

He's embarrassed when I call him on it tbf.

OP posts:

Lorelei76 · 02/12/2016 17:24

Is he doing it on purpose to piss you off?

Trifleorbust · 02/12/2016 17:26

So he can help it? Clearly sexism then.

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