Ex refusing to have the kids...

[amammabear]

I'm so upset! After taking the kids to school (so they're expecting to go) my ex had texted me to say that he doesn't want to have the kids this weekend. I'm furious and really upset. He claims he's ill, but I find that hard to believe, he does that quite a lot (thinking "boy that cried wolf" and even when he is ill it's usually because he's eaten something crap), it would make it four weeks between when he last saw the kids and when he'll see them for Christmas.

They are going to be upset and a nightmare to deal with as a result. I'm going to have to cancel everything I've got planned this weekend, my only weekend to do anything before Christmas, and I'm also completely broke (£21.76 left in the overdraft) because he has screwed my over for child maintenance this month, and don't even have enough food to feed the kids for the weekend because they weren't going to be here!

I have that tiny thought that I might be BU to be so upset because he does claim to be ill, but I just can't believe it and even if he is, I don't think it's fair to do this to the kids.

Sorry, I know that doesn't actually make much sense and you're probably all going to tell me IABU, but what on earth am I going to tell the kids?!

Now that's the best suggestion on this thread!

I asked you a question, how does that correlate with not wanting you to post?

You can post all you like, but as I said I think you are derailing the thread. Carry on by all means, I really don't think anyone cares about your thoughts on this matter however much you repeat them.

Don't worry, I'm really thankful for everyone's support today anyway, it's really helped me with my perspective.

Yeah, I think that makes sense

my dc have learned that even though dad loves them he can't ever be relied on ... and mum always can

I think you can harden your children up a little bit to his behaviour by mentioning his feet of clay.

My ex was always a great one for promising the world and never thinking that he was supposed to at least try to follow through on his promises. It's a fine line, but I tried to let my dd see that that is just the way he is, rather than see her repeatedly let down.

The other thing is, if at all possible, maybe you should try to budget as if you weren't getting any child support, and that way you can avoid getting into a financial mess everytime he decides not to give it to you. Easier said than done, but it will save you a lot of grief in the future if you can.

Regardless of whether her ex is like yours, her story is not relevant to the question of whether it is fair to the children to be sent to a sick parent for the weekend.

In an ideal co-parenting situation, the ill parent should be able to ring the other parent and discuss changes to the arrangements. 'Hi, I've got it coming out of both ends and it's not going to be much fun here this weekend for the kids and I really don't want them to catch it if it can be avoided. I spoke to my mum and she said she can take them on Saturday, but is there any chance they can come home early this week and I'll take them for an extra day next week to make up for it?' That's reasonable co-parenting and either party would generally go out of their way to help. Sending a text saying that you don't want them, without even discussing it with the other parent and just leaving them in the lurch is not how reasonable adults should act.

What is it with parents and the NEED to do something with the kids EVERY weekend! Jeez!

I suspect in this case it's not about Mom needing to be "on" it some kind of "performance parenting" like you are making it sound, lou, and more about the fact that these children were looking forward to a weekend with dad, and he has let them down, so now Mon has sad children that will need cheering up. Your comment wasn't very thoughtful or compassionate was it?

Midnight that's the thing isn't it, it's not like he's offered to have them next weekend to make up for it or anything like that, so they're missing out on the thing they were really looking forward to doing with him this weekend, I'm missing out on my plans, the people I'm letting down are missing out and my parents are changing their plans to help me out (i'm so grateful) but he still gets to do the nice things he has planned for next weekend with his mates...

So the kids lose out on him, they lose out on the treat that he'd planned, I'm letting a heap of people down (my plans this weekend were not social like his next week), my parents are losing some of their time, but next week he still gets to have fun and doesn't make up for any of what we've lost out on...

Sounds fair...

I bloody knew it! Sod has gone off out to a party today... Yeah, definitely too ill to have his children then...

Gosh that must be a massive shock amammabear .

Oh yeah...

Fantastic a dramatic recovery so has picked the kids up

eeeer no..
Shocking

Sorry for no constructive advice, but just what a fucking bastardy bastard! YANBU.

So not only has he lied, dicked you and the dc about but he doesn't even have the ability to hide it. The prick.

This weekend will prove one thing. You were absolutely right to make him your ex.

At this time of year, we are all busy. It is part and parcel of parenting that you have to turn some invites down - you just can't do what you want, when you want. Major part of the job description.

My money is on that he thinks he is on a promise. There will be some poor woman at that party who he is trying to pull. Prick.

Keep all evidence of this weekend's events. I wouldn't suggest this lightly but if you can, tell his parents. Tell them that he is shirking his responsibilities as a parent which puts his relationship with his dc at risk. Which then puts their relationship with their dgc at risk. Drop him right in it.