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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have said fuck that for a game of (Christmas) soldiers!!

75 replies

MadHattersWineParty · 01/12/2016 22:57

And to be drinking wine Wine

Because I just had the pleasure of telling my mother that I will not be coming home to be insulted and belittled this Christmas!

My parents are divorced, I now live 150 miles from where I grew up and it's her 'turn' to host Christmas. I say host in the loosest sense, as last time;

She left all the shopping until 3pm on Christmas Eve, (no time/money constraints, she thought it would be funny) and came home with a small chicken that probably didn't get one ounce of enjoyment out of its short miserable life, and then in death was supposed to feed 8 people. Hardly any trimmings. I've had more filling meals in hospital.

One bottle of wine so I didn't 'go silly'. I brought my own secret one too

My brothers and I were in fits of giggles over Gavin and Stacey Christmas special but apparently I was laughing too loud and shouldn't have had another Baileys and should excuse myself to lie down.

She said my lovely new Christmas dress was 'inappropriate' and 'try-hard' and a bit 'young' as it showed a tiny amount of cleavage. Like really tiny. I'm a 32B FFS Confused

She struggles with cooking, she hates it, she's crap at it, she complains the whole time she's doing it. I really enjoy it and find it weirdly relaxing (it's the timings and precision! I like things like that!) but she wouldn't let me do anything, as 'I'd only be doing it to show off to everyone'.

When I said I was meeting a few old school friends for a few Christmas Eve drinks, she said 'shouldn't think you've got much in common with them now, they've got husbands and children and you've never even got anyone to propose to you!'

This is a Christmassy picture of what she's like but she's not very nice to me the rest of the time either, but I limit contact so it's not a problem. So today I rang and told her me and DP are having our own Christmas in our little flat. She's NOT HAPPY. How dare I ruin her 'turn' at family Christmas?! I am selfish, inconsiderate and rude, apparently. It's stupid as I'm 30 so don't need to do these 'turns' anymore anyway- last year we were at DP's Dad's when technically it should have been my Dad's turn.

Well, it might sound mean but I couldn't give a toss right now that'll be the Rioja

OP posts:
dirtywindows · 01/12/2016 23:02

Go Mad! Good for you. I applaud and envy your bravery. I'm sure you'll have a very merry Christmas WineXmas Smile

Note3 · 01/12/2016 23:03

You're well rid. Enjoy a nice day instead :)

CherrySkull · 01/12/2016 23:04

well done!

Wine Star

HooArghhhEwe · 01/12/2016 23:06

Well done! She sounds a bloody nightmare.

Original poster
MadHattersWineParty · 01/12/2016 23:11

Thanks Smile I fully expect a nuclear fallout. But I'm so looking forward to actually enjoying Christmas Day!

OP posts:
RhiWrites · 01/12/2016 23:16

Even without the insulting and belittling the horrible teaspoons of food and no drinks sound grim.

Original poster
MadHattersWineParty · 01/12/2016 23:19

She actually bulked the last dinner out with baked beans Confused

OP posts:
krustykittens · 01/12/2016 23:33

Good for you!

thisisafakename · 01/12/2016 23:39

Ha! She sounds like a massive bitch so I reckon you will have an awesome Christmas without her. Why is she like that? Do you think it's resentment that you have a free and happy life and a career? Or maybe bitterness over the divorce? Is she only this delightful at Christmas or is it all year round.

FuckityFucko · 01/12/2016 23:42

Well done. Stick to your guns. She sounds poisonous and undermining.

Enjoy your lovely Christmas with your partner and don't be guilted into backing down. You have made a healthy and courageous decision.

Lynnm63 · 01/12/2016 23:45

I hope you and your dp have a delightful Christmas eating to excess, falling out of your dress, laughing as loud as is humanly possible to Gavin and Stacey whilst mainlining Baileys.
Do not give her a moments thought unless you might enjoy ringing her to wish her a loud, laughing Merry Christmas at some point.
She can only spoil your day if you let her. If you have a great time without her you'll get to spoil hers without even trying. Win win in my book 🍷🍾

AnnieAnoniMouse · 01/12/2016 23:45

No less than she deserves. Any time you start doubting yoyrself, pour another Rioja! 🍷

zen1 · 01/12/2016 23:46

Well done for breaking the Christmas cycle of expectations! DH and I decided we would never do the whole turn-taking thing and just do what was best for our family and have never regretted it. Hope you have a lovely, stress-free Christmas 🎄

GiddyOnZackHunt · 01/12/2016 23:46

You're being terribly unreasonable...to tell her this early. 6pm on Xmas Eve could have ensured nearly 15% extra food and wine for the other guests Grin

Lorelei76 · 01/12/2016 23:55

Quite right OP
I shudder to think what her views on childfree single women are....!

PuppetInParadize · 01/12/2016 23:55

Yeah, have fun, OP. We broke the cycle 25 years ago and have never looked back. I like Christmas days now, though looking at your tale mine wasn't that bad. Smile

altiara · 01/12/2016 23:59

Woohoo! Wine o'clock! WineXmas Grin ooh Christmas emoji!
Stay strong and have the Christmas you want. You're not a child, your mum had her turn. Smile

PoundingTheStreets · 02/12/2016 00:02

Dodged a bullet. Missing the point entirely but I loved the eking out Christmas dinner with baked beans. Grin

FarAwayHills · 02/12/2016 00:02

Well done OP.

So glad that DH and I have always done Christmas our way since having DC. I still get the annual guilt trip from my DM but I'm standing firm and you must too.

JennyWoodentop · 02/12/2016 00:07

There's an evil part of me that now wants to bulk out Christmas dinner with baked beans just to see the response............

Original poster
MadHattersWineParty · 02/12/2016 00:09

Ok I did feel guilty (life-long people pleaser Blush) but thé wine and this thread are helping.

She makes me so angry and yet normally I just go along with that she wants!

thisisafakename she's always been a bit horrible- and usually I let her because it's deep-rooted and I just keep looking and waiting for those scraps of niceness! But I don't think they're ever coming.

She very much instigated the divorce from my Dad, 15 years ago. Been with my StepDad for 13 years.

I don't want to drip feed- but an example of how nasty she can be- when I was being treated for an eating disorder at an out-patients clinic when I was 18, she was generally crap and didn't want to know, but I once asked for a lift to an appointment. She said 'I can't but thought you'd relish the chance to walk and burn off the calories from that cereal bar I saw you you eating this morning'. (4 miles from the bus stop!)

Not helpful. Lots of general crapness over the years. I never call her out on it Sad

She's totally different towards my brothers, it weird.

OP posts:
IneedAqueenMortificadoNickname · 02/12/2016 00:10

Well done! Have a fantastic Christmas with a crate load of wine.

Biffsboys · 02/12/2016 00:13

Enjoy a lovely Christmas with your dpFlowers

JennyWoodentop · 02/12/2016 00:14

Saw your update - sounds like you're doing the right thing. Have a wonderful Christmas with people who love and appreciate you, and are there for you when you need them.

It sounds like as far as she's concerned whatever you do will be wrong, so you might as well just do what suits you rather than try, and fail, to please her.

HedgehogHedgehog · 02/12/2016 00:16

You are a Christmas hero!!! I hope you have a mint time with your dp without your awful mother. Go as 'silly' as you fecking want! xxxxxx