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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have said fuck that for a game of (Christmas) soldiers!!

75 replies

MadHattersWineParty · 01/12/2016 22:57

And to be drinking wine Wine

Because I just had the pleasure of telling my mother that I will not be coming home to be insulted and belittled this Christmas!

My parents are divorced, I now live 150 miles from where I grew up and it's her 'turn' to host Christmas. I say host in the loosest sense, as last time;

She left all the shopping until 3pm on Christmas Eve, (no time/money constraints, she thought it would be funny) and came home with a small chicken that probably didn't get one ounce of enjoyment out of its short miserable life, and then in death was supposed to feed 8 people. Hardly any trimmings. I've had more filling meals in hospital.

One bottle of wine so I didn't 'go silly'. I brought my own secret one too

My brothers and I were in fits of giggles over Gavin and Stacey Christmas special but apparently I was laughing too loud and shouldn't have had another Baileys and should excuse myself to lie down.

She said my lovely new Christmas dress was 'inappropriate' and 'try-hard' and a bit 'young' as it showed a tiny amount of cleavage. Like really tiny. I'm a 32B FFS Confused

She struggles with cooking, she hates it, she's crap at it, she complains the whole time she's doing it. I really enjoy it and find it weirdly relaxing (it's the timings and precision! I like things like that!) but she wouldn't let me do anything, as 'I'd only be doing it to show off to everyone'.

When I said I was meeting a few old school friends for a few Christmas Eve drinks, she said 'shouldn't think you've got much in common with them now, they've got husbands and children and you've never even got anyone to propose to you!'

This is a Christmassy picture of what she's like but she's not very nice to me the rest of the time either, but I limit contact so it's not a problem. So today I rang and told her me and DP are having our own Christmas in our little flat. She's NOT HAPPY. How dare I ruin her 'turn' at family Christmas?! I am selfish, inconsiderate and rude, apparently. It's stupid as I'm 30 so don't need to do these 'turns' anymore anyway- last year we were at DP's Dad's when technically it should have been my Dad's turn.

Well, it might sound mean but I couldn't give a toss right now that'll be the Rioja

OP posts:
ijustwannadance · 02/12/2016 00:16

Sounds like she's jealous of you.

Original poster
MadHattersWineParty · 02/12/2016 00:17

Thanks Smile we are ordering the wine crate tomorrow Grin

OP posts:
Lynnm63 · 02/12/2016 00:21

She sounds really fucking horrible. I hope you don't give in over spending Christmas with her and in 2017 you work on not trying to please her as you can't win. I suggest putting your people pleasing skills to work only on those who deserve them and the woman who gave birth to you isn't one of them.

hoddtastic · 02/12/2016 00:26

maybe she is worried about your lifestyle? she does sound like a cow though.

#miseryplops

Lorelei76 · 02/12/2016 00:33

OP, id go NC for the eating disorder comment.

Hodd - lifestyle?!

Original poster
MadHattersWineParty · 02/12/2016 00:33

hoddtastic I don't know if I have much of a 'lifestyle' to be worried about these days Grin I had a pretty hedonistic time when I moved away in my early 20's but these days it's really just work, a nice restaurant or two, a good wine several on the weekends. An occasional night out with friends at a cocktail place and the odd gig.

I have a bird-feeder and National Trust Membersip Grin

OP posts:
DoYouRememberJustinBobby · 02/12/2016 00:34

She sounds like a genuine cunt elbow.
That eating disorder stuff is really nasty.
Good on you for taking this well deserved step. 💪

hoddtastic · 02/12/2016 00:37

Every post (pretty much) refers to booze is all. Just saying there's a theme.

Lynnm63 · 02/12/2016 00:45

hodd lighten up please most people like a drink at Christmas. The op hasn't said she was drinking meths in the street! Even if she was her mother is still horrid. I'd walk over hot coals for my DC I certainly wouldn't make spiteful comments about an eating disorder. I barely drink all year but my birthday and the ten days from Xmas Eve to NYDay I probably drink as much as the rest of the year.

OliviaBensonOnAGoodDay · 02/12/2016 01:05

You have a way with words OP. The description of the chicken in particular made me laugh.

shadowfax07 · 02/12/2016 01:17

*She said 'I can't but thought you'd relish the chance to walk and burn off the calories from that cereal bar I saw you you eating this morning'. (4 miles from the bus stop!)

Not helpful. Lots of general crapness over the years. I never call her out on it'*

To mis-quote the Polish phrase: not your circus, not your monkeys.

FuckityFucko · 02/12/2016 01:20

Hodd- people often refer to drinking without it being serious,or for comedic value, or to indicate celebration or because y'know, it is coming up to Christmas which is s very traditional time of eating and drinking to excess!
All the spiteful things her mum has done and you frame it as concern because clearly the OP is a filthy alcoholic. Even if that were true, he mum would still be dysfunctional and toxic.

ARE YOU HER MUM????

AGirlCalledJohnny · 02/12/2016 01:20

Me too Olivia Grin

Have you ever read up on Narcissist Personality Disorder? You'd be amazed! My MIL raises nearly every single flag a Narc can raise and I suspect your mother is the same. Understanding how her mind works has been an enormous help to me figuring out how to protect myself.

TheSilveryPussycat · 02/12/2016 01:43

Yay!

YouCanDoThis · 02/12/2016 01:49

Oh yes. Get squiffy, hang your cleavage out and enjoy yourself! You've definitely done the right thing. She would just enjoy moan whatever you do. Smile

thisisafakename · 02/12/2016 06:32

Man what a cow. I dunno, one of my friends has a mum a bit like that. It's almost like the mum sees the daughter as competition and goes out of her way to put her down and stuff. Like saying things like 'at your age, I was prettier/thinner than you are now' and other bitchy comments. She also has a brother who is treated completely differently.

I think you're well shot and suggest massively limiting the contact between you in the future.

thisisafakename · 02/12/2016 06:35

Every post (pretty much) refers to booze is all. Just saying there's a theme

No, it doesn't and on what planet does concern about alcohol warrant evil comments like 'you've never got a man to propose to you'? Probably not what they suggest down at AA meetings.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 02/12/2016 08:23

I noticed the theme too, Hodd. Doesn't excuse OP's toxic mum's behaviour, but are you sure she doesn't have a point about the drinking? Drinking heavily over Christmas and New Year is far too common and is the cause of countless family rows, visits to A & E, and calls to the police. It's not all laughs and celebration. Relatives commenting on your drinking may have a point.

Original poster
MadHattersWineParty · 02/12/2016 10:07

I get jolly over Christmas and New Year of course, as do lots of people. Never had to call the emergency services as a result though Confused it's never been the cause of an argument either- just a way she finds to attack me a little more when she sees me relax and have a nice time.

OP posts:
Original poster
MadHattersWineParty · 02/12/2016 10:09

Thanks olivia!

That poor chicken. Oh also I've picked up some fantastic bargains on Christmas Eve and Boxing Day, (beautiful £7 from £43 turkey last year!). But only as bonus items so there is still food if I don't find anything!

OP posts:
Prawnofthepatriarchy · 02/12/2016 11:29

Fair enough, OP. It's just that excessive drinking is far too common over the festive season and often leads to family problems. People who don't necessarily get on very well cooped up together with only booze as a relief can turn nasty very quickly.

TheSilveryPussycat · 02/12/2016 11:37

Yes, no food if no bargains found would have been awful! Your MIL sounds plain mean Sad

Aeroflotgirl · 02/12/2016 11:42

Good on you! My mum can be like that, it is so degrading. So this year, its Christmas on our own. Yes mum will be on her own, as my dad died, and she has no other children, but she hates Christmas anyway. She does not like the spending, the festivity, and when she came last time, she moaned all the way through it!

MissPatty · 02/12/2016 11:44

Well done! I hope you have a lovely Christmas Day Xmas Smile
I had similar from my mother over the years, and she never treated my brothers the same way either. In the end I realised she was just too poisonous and haven't spoken to her in a very long time - the relief of being free from the little comments is still so strong all these years later

KatherinaMinola · 02/12/2016 11:48

God, no - fuck that. I agree that it sounds like NPD (not a medic - just read a lot about it).

I am Confused that she thought your dress was "a bit young" when you're 30 - thought from your OP that you'd be 46!