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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask the school... WTF

458 replies

bookeatingboy · 01/12/2016 22:55

DS came home yesterday with a payment card for his first residential trip next year. The cards were blue and apparently all the girls got pink cards!

Some of the girls asked for blue cards and were told that blue is for the boys and pink for the girls

OP posts:

BertrandRussell · 05/12/2016 09:27

Sorry- I forgot that women always have to be nice and accommodating and never react even slightly to insults and mockery. And they have to keep on educating even in the face of people who make it very clear that they have no intention to be educated or even listen and try to understand the issues being discussed........

If only feminists were nicer....

GravyAndShite · 05/12/2016 09:40

That post is ridiculous.

BertrandRussell · 05/12/2016 09:44

Look through this thread. See who has been mocked. Who has been called names and told they are being absurd. Then come back again and call me ridiculous.

Lorelei76 · 05/12/2016 09:44

Gravy - which one? I've lost the plot.

yellowpostitnote · 05/12/2016 09:49

I was mocked several times.

Meh. It's not my fault they don't understand!

GravyAndShite · 05/12/2016 10:04

yellowpostitnote I think that is a healthy attitude and one that I can listen to, because you haven't sent me away.

Bert I didn't call you ridiculous I said the post you shared was ridiculous. Playing the victim in these situations is so counter productive. If you've got a cause to fight for you have to toughen up, you have to be willing to get wounded to further your message. You will have to be okay with being mocked and ridiculed with the end goal in your mind. Take a breath and try again.

Or give up and send away the naysayers.

You have people listening to you! They might be ridiculing you they might be mocking you, but do you have an audience for your message - speak!

Or give up and send away the naysayers.

Women have been imprisoned and tortured and abused and killed to get us to the point we are today. I'm grateful to all of them.

They didn't give up and send away the naysayers. They used their dangerous platforms to put out their message and for that they paid a lot more harshly than being mocked on an Internet forum.

BertrandRussell · 05/12/2016 10:26

you! They might be ridiculing you they might be mocking you, but do you have an audience for your message - speak! "

I have done. Repeatedly, clearly and patiently. And I have not lost my temper and lashed out. I am just saying that I understand those that do.

GravyAndShite · 05/12/2016 10:31

One. I should have said one. But then how could you have been pedantic and addressed semantics instead of content.

BertrandRussell · 05/12/2016 10:43

Sorry, I don't understand that post.

GravyAndShite · 05/12/2016 10:50

I was speaking generally as in 'if you (anyone) have an audience' not you personally.

You took more personally and addressed that element instead of the rest of the content of the post, with some fairly inspiring points and sentiments.

You have labelled me enemy because I have a questioned you, so you have blocked your ears to anything I am saying that is of value.

You come across as wanting to win this argument personally on this thread much more than you want to win the overall war. That is not helpful.

BertrandRussell · 05/12/2016 11:03

"You have labelled me enemy because I have a questioned you, so you have blocked your ears to anything I am saying that is of value"

Good Lord, no I haven't. What I was saying is that I understand why some people generally get pissed off by the torrent of "get a life/haven't you got anything else to worry about/general abuse and insult" that raising any feminist point always releases. And the constant "If only feminists were nicer......" refrain. I was defending the poster who, in a moment of frustration suggested that people who don't get it should fuck off to another thread they do get. And I was also questioning the suggestion that there are people on here that are open to "education". There are plenty of people in here who have made it clear that they have absolutely no desire to be "educated". They are not prepared to do even the basic step of looking up the meanings of the words they are using. Personally, I am happy to explain as many times as it takes. But there has to be as least some inclination to take the explanation on board. And a lot of people seem to get some sort of kick out of refusing to even contemplate that gender stereotyping, "everyday sexism" or inequality even exists. Or that little things do matter. So I'm not sure what you are expecting me to do!

GravyAndShite · 05/12/2016 11:25

I really have to go so I don't have time to reply to that whole message right now.

I just wanted to touch on one little point which is that she may have spoken in a moment of frustration but that was yesterday afternoon and so she has had plenty of time to rethink that and backtrack from that but she has not.

People can be educated with out being open to education. When I finally clicks all those little piece of information that they discredited along the m years can be really useful nougats for solidifying a new found perspective.

When my baby was throwing the food at me when I tried to teach her to eat I didn't give up and say bugger off then you obviously don't want to eat ... I lovingly wiped the food from my face, maybe took a breath in the larder, and I came back gentle and warm, with positive regard and open to trying again.

yellowpostitnote · 05/12/2016 11:26

You come across as wanting to win this argument personally on this thread much more than you want to win the overall war. That is not helpful.

I don't agree; I haven't read BRs comments like that. I sense a slight loss of patience at times but I think we are all loosing patience at times too!

GravyAndShite · 05/12/2016 11:29

yellowpostitnote i'm happy to except that I've misinterpreted that in my frustration

yellowpostitnote · 05/12/2016 11:30

I'm loosing patience with the people as bertrand says are commenting on a thread without educating them selves or making any attempt to.

I do think that is arrogant. And yes, I think we do get to a point with arrogance where you can't get any further. And yes that becomes "bugger off to another thread" (please).

yellowpostitnote · 05/12/2016 11:31

But bugger off doesn't work. But we are all human and get pissed off!

GravyAndShite · 05/12/2016 11:35

This is such an interesting thread. To me it's about the clash between ideals and logistics and it's fascinating.

GravyAndShite · 05/12/2016 11:35

Seriously what is wrong with me I'm meant to be on the road by now!

yellowpostitnote · 05/12/2016 11:45

Personally I think it's about how open to seeing things in a different deeper perspective people are, and how many are able to take the long view to help them decide if the small seemingly insignificant things matter or not.

itsmine · 05/12/2016 11:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BertrandRussell · 05/12/2016 12:32

"Gender stereotyping is an issue, it may be ignorance and lack of awareness on the schools part etc etc but just put yourself forward in an educated way and people are more likely to listen. No you dont have to be 'nice', just perhaps reasonable and keeping things in perspective would be a start."

Reading back through this thread I think I have done all that. People actively say they don't want to listen!

BertrandRussell · 05/12/2016 12:33

And to be fair, the OP did say she thought WTF? Not that she was going to say that to the school!

GravyAndShite · 05/12/2016 12:56

And to be fair, the OP did say she thought WTF? Not that she was going to say that to the school!

Happy to stand corrected, but the title says:

AIBU: To ask the school... WTF

Did she say somewhere that she thought WTF or only in the title that she was considering asking the school WTF?

BertrandRussell · 05/12/2016 13:00

Oh, sorry, my mistake. But presumably she's not intending to put it like that?

Although I would certainly think it- it seems utterly incredible to me that a school would do that in this day and age!

BigGrannyPants · 05/12/2016 13:24

Wow lots of people being really rude to each other! Left this at thread at page 12 and have come back on page 18 to this! OP said she wasn't going to post further until she had spoken to the school so that's probably why she's not been back yet.

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