Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

To wish school wasn't so relentless for young children.

109 replies

waterrat · 30/11/2016 22:00

My son is 4 and likes school. It's a good creative primary and I feel lucky to have got a place there. But god the school system is so relentless. Every day handing over my young child and getting him back exhausted to the point of tears. And he is one of the kids who has found it generally easy socially etc.

I work part time so I cant ve there every day to collect him. I feel very sad about losing the days off I had with him. I now get to be with him twice in the week between 330 and bedtime. How have we built a system that means parents see so little of their children ? I already work a 3 day week so I know I'm lucky.

Today I was in the park with my younger child. It was such a beautiful day and my heart ached wishing he cpuld be with me just having a random jump about and playing with friends rather than having to be in the system every day learning.

I think pre school was great but the hours we put our kids through at such a young age is just reallt making me sad.

Do any of you feel like this ?

OP posts:

Original poster

waterrat · 01/12/2016 09:27

@itsadoubleentendre I would love to be better informed about how my 4 year old spends his day ! I'd be delighted to get a chance to understand his schooling but sadly that is not on offer. I hand him over and get nothing but garbled reports from him on his day.

I reallt want to stress I love teachers I think the school do a great job. I just think it is unnecessarily relentless at this age.

OP posts:

Bobochic · 01/12/2016 09:30

I agree that "proper school" starts too early in England.

aintnothinbutagstring · 01/12/2016 09:33

I echo a previous poster, this autumn term is by far the absolute hardest especially when your child has just started school. So so much going on with all the different events. After christmas, yes the weather is still awful for a few months so less opportunity to get out after school and weekends but there's just not as much going on other than learning. Spring and summer in school is much easier and less stressy.

Bumpsadaisie · 01/12/2016 10:09

From reading this thread it sounds like there is a big variation in what Reception is like and how children cope. Of course within YR itself there is a big age range - the September birthday child is probably going to cope much better than the summer born little one.

Those who are finding YR relentless, have you considered about changing school?

In our school (small village primary) there is no "handing over" - all the parents are in and out of the school and the YR room. There are 9 children in YR. This morning all the parents were in to see the trail of glitter the elf left before messing up the wet play corner and leaving a big message for the children on the whiteboard about how they were going out for a walk today to post their letters to FC. The classroom has sliding doors to the outdoor classroom and they are out in their wellies hats gloves and coats for large chunks of lesson time as well as playtime. The kids love their teacher - she gets lots of hugs - and although the Autumn term is always the most tiring one with all the christmas stuff at the end, nonetheless my son is absolutely thriving in YR. I actually don't think he could be happier. He is learning so much, is so chuffed with himself and loves being at big school with his elder sister. He sprints into school everyday and we really haven't had problems with tiredness as is quite a gentle environment.

I just wanted to point out that not all schools are the same and there may be one that is a better fit for you and your child.

missyB1 · 01/12/2016 10:17

I agree with BikeRun, this term in particular often feels relentless. It's usually the longest, the weather gets very cold, it's dark early, etc... Also it's the first term in a new class for all kids so there is a lot of adjusting to do.

My ds (year 3) who normally loves school is struggling a bit now, he's desperate for the end of term.

Original poster

waterrat · 01/12/2016 10:17

Sounds bloody lovely @bumpsadaise. Much more like my sons pre school.

However I live in London and my son is at a 2 form entry school there are 30 in his class.

I actually don't agree thst moving would change my feelings. It's the rigid nature of the long day that I mind. I actually think his school is lovely.

OP posts:

Oly5 · 01/12/2016 10:46

OP, sounds like you're just missing him?! He sounds fine from what you say. I still cry when I'm tired!

FourKidsNotCrazyYet · 01/12/2016 10:47

This is why I was upset about the fines bought in if you take your child out of school. It's more and more a nanny state that's taking our children and leaving us with less and less manoeuvreability. I used to take the children out of (primary) school for a couple of days when they did equal terming. Meaning that they didn't necessarily have Easter off for example but their dad, being a soldier got leave at Easter. In 2003 he was injured by a landmine in Iraq and the school were very happy for them to have a week off while my husband was on sick leave. Definitely wouldn't be allowed to do that now. It's really sad.

Original poster

waterrat · 01/12/2016 11:24

I just feel like I hardly see him. . I know he is fine etc.

OP posts:

Natsku · 01/12/2016 11:43

I do think school starts far far too young in the UK, and am very glad I don't live there any more (as much as I miss it for many reasons) because I am absolutely sure DD couldn't handle formal schooling at this age (she's 5). She goes to daycare which is entirely play-based and has a great time without realising she's learning things all the time, spends at least half the day, if not longer, outside playing and has weekly trips to the forest, or the lake, or places like that. She's not exhausted at the end of the day and is very happy.

She'll start preschool next year when she'll be 6.5, 4 hours a day and I guess its rather like Reception in the sense that its half way between nursery free play and sit down in class school. They do different themes each day and spend a lot of time outside. But on the flip side, at 7 when they start 1st grade its straight timetabled classes so 45 mins maths, 45 mins mother tongue, 45 mins handicrafts etc. but still only 4 hours a day for the first two grades.

Posselhoof · 01/12/2016 12:23

Original poster

waterrat · 01/12/2016 12:30

I think 4 hours a day is much more age appropriate. Wrap around childcare would then need to improve !

OP posts:

Original poster

waterrat · 01/12/2016 12:31

Essentially it is not really relevant that some children love it. I support people's right to do what ever suits them in terms of childcare. But I don't belive the state should force me to send my 4 year old for such long hours.

OP posts:

heron98 · 01/12/2016 12:38

Yes but hasn't it always been like that? Children have always been to school from 4, their parents have always worked and that's how it is. It's nothing new.

NotCitrus · 01/12/2016 12:42

Both mine loved Reception (younger is there now) - it's like nursery only bigger and better, ds said. There's 10 minutes sitting to do phonics, maybe 5 for the register, and 20 minutes at the end of the day having a story/chat/practicing all the carols with enthusiastic actions with the TA/teacher while the teacher or TA runs around trying to put all the right notes in the right books in the right bags and find so-and-so's PE shirt etc.

In between it's all activities in various places, lots to choose from and lots of 'come play this game with Teacher'.

It's fine but the after-school club (2-3 days a week until 6pm) is a bit much for them, as it's now so popular it's crowded and noisy, so I'm looking for alternatives. Childminders have 2 year waiting lists round here. It's not the school that's the problem.

formerbabe · 01/12/2016 13:19

But I don't belive the state should force me to send my 4 year old for such long hours

They don't really though do they? I thought school was only compulsory the term after their 5th birthday?

Bobochic · 01/12/2016 13:24

An extended day in an institutional setting is just awful for four year olds. DC need time to unwind and some peace and quiet for lone play in which to make sense of their school day.

1stTimeMama · 01/12/2016 13:39

They don't have to start school until the term after they're 5. You could have more time with him :-)

baconandeggies · 01/12/2016 14:23

But I don't belive the state should force me to send my 4 year old for such long hours

Several people have told you that school is optional at your son's age. You said you enrolled him because all his friends were going.

It's a shame that some headteachers don't support part time attendance though.

baconandeggies · 01/12/2016 14:24

Some schools support part time hours for those younger than compulsory school age. I think it should be national policy.

Stitchosaurus · 01/12/2016 14:33

My DS is one of the oldest and is loving school but he is absolutely knackered every day and a crying mess by the end of the week! I agree that there should be a more gentle, staggered introduction to school.

witsender · 01/12/2016 14:48

School is optional full stop, the State isn't forcing you to do anything.

spicyfajitas · 01/12/2016 16:03

School is optional. Admittedly it's difficult to not use it if the parent/s need to work. But it is at least in theory a choice.

Trifleorbust · 01/12/2016 16:14

You seem to want the Government to provide a lot of flexibility (wrap around care) but with no obligation on your side - that would be very expensive, particularly in terms of recruiting staff to offer enough care for all the parents who prefer to put their children in for 4 hours in the morning, the afternoon, after school etc.

As several people have reminded you, there is no compulsion to send your children to school before 5 at all, and even after that you can choose to home educate.

Loz1975 · 01/12/2016 17:31

Full time education isn't compulsory until the term after his 5th Birthday. If he missed days you couldn't be fined anyway as he's not compulsory school age. I know a few that send their four year olds part time.
Every child is different. I have one at school and one is does all his lessons at smaller groups in the home ed community as school really is too relentless, confusing and noisy for him.
Full time is too long for some four and five year olds and perfect for some, all children are different with different needs and tolerances.
I know of one family who have chosen to take their four year old out until he's compulsory school age and the school have had to keep his place for him. They learn wherever they are every day.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Swipe left for the next trending thread