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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish school wasn't so relentless for young children.

109 replies

waterrat · 30/11/2016 22:00

My son is 4 and likes school. It's a good creative primary and I feel lucky to have got a place there. But god the school system is so relentless. Every day handing over my young child and getting him back exhausted to the point of tears. And he is one of the kids who has found it generally easy socially etc.

I work part time so I cant ve there every day to collect him. I feel very sad about losing the days off I had with him. I now get to be with him twice in the week between 330 and bedtime. How have we built a system that means parents see so little of their children ? I already work a 3 day week so I know I'm lucky.

Today I was in the park with my younger child. It was such a beautiful day and my heart ached wishing he cpuld be with me just having a random jump about and playing with friends rather than having to be in the system every day learning.

I think pre school was great but the hours we put our kids through at such a young age is just reallt making me sad.

Do any of you feel like this ?

OP posts:
PutDownThatLaptop · 30/11/2016 23:29

My eldest child was a very young 4 years and a week when he started reception. I went to see the head teacher before he started as I knew in my heart he would not cope. I was told that he must go or I would lose my place at the school. The whole thing was a disaster and within a few weeks he was described as 'unteachable.'
It was horrible. He is 23 now but I can still remember the feeling.

catkind · 30/11/2016 23:31

I don't feel like OP, largely because my 4yo is relishing every minute of it, she's excited to go to school every day and comes home with loads of energy to spare. This bit is specially lovely because they're doing all sorts of fun christmas things, nativity play etc. They are still spending the afternoons crunching around in leaves, just with their friends not with us.

A friend with a summer born has just insisted on a 4 day week, completely against the head teacher's wishes, but it's really working for her DS. It can be done, even if school don't want to. It's a possibility to consider if it's being too tiring for them.

What I have done though is to shuffle my 3 days work into 5 short days so I do have all the after school time with DC. Any chance of that with your job OP? Or at least when your younger one gets to school age?

MorrisZapp · 30/11/2016 23:35

I feel the opposite way. My DS was doing 9 til 5 four days a week at nursery, all year round.

Now he finishes at 3 and has endless holidays etc. He isn't remotely tired by school, drives us crazy all evening.

I'll be glad when the school day is longer, although with after school club he's there til 5 three days a week anyway.

He loves school. I can't begin to compete with the fun and stimulation he gets with his peers.

Mumoftwinsandanother · 30/11/2016 23:46

YANBU - I really dislike the rigidity, formality etc at such a young age. There are currently loads of campaigns to increase school starting age to 7, flexible admissions for summerborns etc (to prevent children having to start school at just turned 4 so that they don't have to miss their reception year). Personally I believe the system will continue to become evermore formal under this administration with increasingly high standards expected of young children.

madmomma · 01/12/2016 00:16

I agree, OP. I am finding yr 1 particularly punishing, with boring, too-hard work and not enough play. I long to home ed mine, but I know I'm not in the right frame of mind to do them justice.

Original poster
waterrat · 01/12/2016 07:45

Thanks everyone for your thoughts, it's helpful to hear others feel the same - and I understand the points made by those who enjoy seeing their kids skip off to school - to be honest, I'm the least soppy mum really - I loved him going to pre school, I love working - I totally agree that 4 year olds need a lot of time with their peers and being sociable. In fact that is why I didn't keep him back a year - I knew he'd love the social side.

@catkind I think I would be much happier if I could always be there at school pick up - but it seems a bit of a pipe dream - it's hard to imagine working life in the industry I'm in if I never do a full day - but perhaps I could go flexi- enough to only go in twice a week...

That is something I feel strongly - that the five days finishing at 3pm isn't related to the flexi-working pattern of adults. SO - it's much easier for an adult (looking at the people I know) to have a single day off in the week than to finish work at 2pm - we are in London and with an hour commute each way it's just not going to work like that.

OP posts:
witsender · 01/12/2016 07:49

Yup, partly why we home ed.

Isitadoubleentendre · 01/12/2016 07:57

It's only going to get worse as they get older. Welcome to the Tory education system!

HuckleberryGin · 01/12/2016 08:04

I work full time so my dd (August born) 4 yr old is at school from 7.45am until 5.15pm. I get home at 6, so only get an hour.

She's tired, but she loves school. If there were another way to do it we would. But she's OK.

Saying that she often doesn't go to sleep until after 8, but she's always been a bit allergic to sleep.

formerbabe · 01/12/2016 08:05

My youngest is in year one. She absolutely loves school...and reception was very play based. She loved it....but, she was exhausted! All the children seem to look shattered by the end of term.

MollyHuaCha · 01/12/2016 08:05

Reception may intend to be play based, but the reality for thousands of four year olds is relentless sessions of lining up and hour upon hour of sitting down listening to adults talking. All within a class of 30 which can seem overwhelming to a small child. Many of the educational activities are pointless babysitting-type time fillers. One of my DC had to be pulled through the door by the TA every day in reception and year one. Broke my heart, so we moved him to a place with much smaller classes and bigger greener playgrounds. He was happier from day one.

Leonas · 01/12/2016 08:06

I agree! The system we have is not designed to be what is best for children - school starting age was lowered to allow women to get back into the manual workforce earlier, not because it was the optimum age for education. The only countries that still have a school starting age of 4/5 are the UK and other ex-colonies! The kindergarten till 7 system (Finland etc) is a much more gentle approach to school and doesn't start formal education until 7 and has much higher attainment in the long run. Part of me is dreading mine starting school and I am a teacher!
(The Upstart campaign has much more info on this, very interesting)

Posselhoof · 01/12/2016 08:09

We start school way too young in this country as pp have said. My baby is only 8 months but I'm considering homeschooling til he is 6 or 7

BrieAndChilli · 01/12/2016 08:15

I think the school day itself is fine. It what feels relentless to me is all the homework.
We get
Spellings
Reading books
Online maths
Maths learn it's
Big talk
Home learning projects or make a model, make a power point about the schools topic
Welsh word of the week
Library book to read and then send back to school

Times that by 3 children every week and it's never ending!

Original poster
waterrat · 01/12/2016 08:15

@mollyhuacha I completely agree about time filling. I ponder on the school day and wonder why it ends at 3.15 and not 2pm for example...its all so random. There are lots of filler activities and moving around. ..I looked in the window at 2.45 once and cpuld see the teacher starting to get Al their coats on . I'd rather just pick him up then if they are going to sit on a carpet for half an hour !

Just to say I very firmly support women and men working whatever hours they want. But it should be a choice what ime we spend with such young children not the decision of the state. And definitely more flexibility.

OP posts:
diddl · 01/12/2016 08:36

We moved to Germany to hold school off until the kids were 6.

Kindergarten was everyday 8-12 though & they needed that for the language.

Posselhoof · 01/12/2016 08:45

Is the homework a relatively new thing? I don't recall ever having much homework until I was in year 6 and even then it wasn't loads.

Original poster
waterrat · 01/12/2016 08:51

I don't remember primary school homework either. As if the day isn't long enough. It's not good for them they should be able to walk away from it all after school.

OP posts:
AllotmentyPlenty · 01/12/2016 08:55

They are probably doing something quite nice on the carpet though. When I volunteered in a school, the last 15 minutes of the day was when they had time to do show&tell, chat, read a book, etc. It worked as an incentive, "if you have your bags and coats on in time, we can read a chapter of Fantastic Mr Fox" before home-time.

You could call it a filler activity I suppose, but actually it is learning / literature / social community bonding, etc. Besides, if you think about how long it takes to move just one or two children out of the house, 30 children out of a classroom will take some time.

That said, both my children had a soft start into reception. One went full-time by Christmas and one full-time by February. I chose that school because of it. (We were renting, so moved into catchment, and before anyone gasps too loudly, stayed there ten years).

TheFairyCaravan · 01/12/2016 09:00

It's this term. All the kids are tired, even the secondary school ones, most of whom are going to school in the dark and coming home in the dark.

Our children loved Reception year. DS2 started full time at 3.8 because the school would have lost a teacher if they hadn't have taken the oldest children from nursery. He coped really welll. Their teacher was lovely and there was a lot of play.

I don't agree with homework in primary school, other than reading, spelling and times tables (do they still do them??). There's plenty enough time at school for learning, home is for play and relaxing.

Trifleorbust · 01/12/2016 09:11

I'm 33 and remember getting homework throughout primary: reading every night (they couldn't have stopped me!), weekly spelling list, short writing task etc. No projects or anything horribly time consuming except as optional 'make a hat' type activities. I could read and write fairly well by Y1.

witsender · 01/12/2016 09:14

I went to a right crammer of a public primary, we had hours of homework. French, maths etc...I remember it well. The school was an hour away from home tpo so I remember the relentless times table practice in the car.

The first few years of second were a doddle comparatively.

Posselhoof · 01/12/2016 09:18

I don't remember getting a huge amount of homework at secondary either Confused. Not til GCSEs anyway.

Isitadoubleentendre · 01/12/2016 09:19

There are lots of filler activities and moving around. ..I looked in the window at 2.45 once and cpuld see the teacher starting to get Al their coats on . I'd rather just pick him up then if they are going to sit on a carpet for half an hour !

Ha ha, you 'looked in the window once' and now you think you know exactly what goes on in the school day.

Typical.

Doobigetta · 01/12/2016 09:22

Imagine if you could go back to primary school now though, and spend half your day arsing around playing with water and sandpits, and the other half having stories read to you and being encouraged to have a little sleep after lunch before home time at 3:30. They don't know they're bloody born, I'd kill for a working day like that Grin