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AIBU?

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Original poster

Really need advice. WWYD?

62 replies

marvelousdcomics · 30/11/2016 18:37

I've posted before about dd(15) and her being bullied. She is being homeschooled after Christmas, but must stay the remainder of the term at school. The issue with the trans kids has calmed down a bit, but another issue has started up.

DD used to hang around with 4 boys, lets call them A, B, C and D. Also, hung around with 2 girls, say E and F. F is a bit unstable, threatens to kill people and has severe outbursts.

Now, dd used to be absolutely best friends with A. Just before summer (after making loads of plans with him), A got a girlfriend, who made up rumours about dd 'she is a slag/slut/whore etc' and other things. Since then, A has completely blanked dd. They've 'fallen out' because he told her to f off when she asked why she couldn't join A,B,C,D,E & F to the park.

F also identifies as some random gender. Fine. DD thinks is fine. In biology dd got asked a question on chromosomes. DD answered. F kicked off. Wrote a FB status listing several ways which dd should kill herself. B, C and E supported her, saying dd should stop being mean to F, should kill herself, and they all mocked her for her past issues (eating disorders, self harm and depression). All were also extremely homophobic.

Now, dd and D have not been friends for ages. She is in all his classes, though. Yesterday, the teacher went out for a minute. D got up, and drew a drawing of dd on the board, labelling it horrible stuff. Everyone laughed. A,B,C and E added to it. Dd was crying and they continued being horrible. Teacher came in and issued dd a detention (for crying???).

Today she was put in a group with all these people apart from F. They were all talking between themselves about dd, knowing full well they were being horrible. DD didn't cry this time, although walked out and asked to come home. School refused, and she got another DT.

She told me all this after school today, showing me messages and statuses etc. I phoned school and they said the kids have reported dd for bullying them, and that 'kids will be kids' and some falling out is normal. Nothing is being done about anything.

As I said earlier, she is being homeschooled after Christmas but school have insisted she stays til term is up.

I don't know what to do. DD has been crying, moody, irritable, upset for ages now. The school aren't doing anything and I don't know their parents.

WWYD?

OP posts:
Pidlan · 30/11/2016 18:39

Why can't you take her out now? She's not being looked after at school.

RichardBucket · 30/11/2016 18:39

How do they propose to force you into keeping her there? If it were me, and I'd decided on homeschooling, I'd take her out now.

abbsisspartacus · 30/11/2016 18:40

ask to see there bullying policy? if you have clear evidence your DD is being bullied where is there's? and what reason are they giving for punishing her?

humblesims · 30/11/2016 18:40

Yeah, if this is really how it is then i would take her out now. I'm pretty sure you dont have to wait til christmas. Just send a letter to the school outlining your plans and take her out. It sounds like a shit school

abbsisspartacus · 30/11/2016 18:40

i would take her out btw

3boys3dogshelp · 30/11/2016 18:40

If she was mine she would never be going back again. They clearly aren't keeping her safe. You have asked for help and been ignored. Their attendance statistics (presumably why they 'need' her to stay) are their problem, yours is your dd.

CwtchesAndCuddles · 30/11/2016 18:41

Why are you still sending her to this school?

RandomMess · 30/11/2016 18:41

Go the GP get her signed off and start the home schooling now.

Original poster
marvelousdcomics · 30/11/2016 18:41

They don't actually have a bullying policy, and as a result it is very prevalent.

They are punishing her for disrupting learning.

OP posts:
Pidlan · 30/11/2016 18:41

I would tell the school that they are failing her in their duty of care and that you'll be infirming governers and local authority of why she won't ever be coming back to school. Honestly, that is your only option.

Original poster
marvelousdcomics · 30/11/2016 18:42

And yes, it is a shit school. Been problems for a while now.

Will pull her out as of tomorrow.

OP posts:
Pidlan · 30/11/2016 18:42

No bullying policy? Report to OFSTED/ESTYN asap

Pidlan · 30/11/2016 18:43

Good call OP. Hope you and your DD are okay. Flowers to you both

Original poster
marvelousdcomics · 30/11/2016 18:44

Will do pidlan.

They're already a very low rated school by Ofsted.

OP posts:
TeenAndTween · 30/11/2016 18:45

Pull her out tomorrow. They can't stop you home schooling from now.

ThatStewie · 30/11/2016 18:45

I would pull her out. Call in sick tomorrow. Then write a letter to HT. Cc to governors stating that she is being removed because the school is refusing to ensure her safety in campus.

Get screen shots of everything & a detailed list of all the incidents of bullying so that if the school does go the route of an attendance officer, you have well documented evidence of the bullying. Then I would sit down with your DD and make a plan of lessons she will do before Christmas. I would focus on her reading a variety of classics. Give her brain a chance to calm and settle before starting officially homeschooling but having evidence of independent learning for the next few weeks.

I remember your first thread and I am so so sorry that it has come to this. Your daughter has been failed by the school. Homeschooling her is an excellent idea.

chitofftheshovel · 30/11/2016 18:45

Another one saying to take her out straightaway, they really can't stop you but there are official channels you are meant to go through.

chitofftheshovel · 30/11/2016 18:47

Oh, just seen your update. Excellent, your daughter is lucky to have you.

Domino20 · 30/11/2016 18:47

School have NO say in whether or not she stays and cannot 'insist'. Go online and Google a template letter for withdrawing child from school. Send registered post. Don't even send her tomorrow, there is NOTHING they can do about it. There are loads of online communities for home education, join one this evening and start tomorrow. The sense of relief you will both feel will be immeasurable. Ask lots of questions on your local educators website, you'll get loads of support. All the best!

SheSparkles · 30/11/2016 18:48

So,sorry she's going through this. I think you're doing exactly the right thing by pulling her out now, I'd be telling them why too if she were mine

ispymincepie · 30/11/2016 18:49

Absolutely don't send her back, the poor love, nobody should have to put up with that, she deserves better Flowers

SerialReJoiner · 30/11/2016 18:51

Good to hear you are pulling her out asap. The school has no ground to stand on, insisting she stay until the end of term. Sounds like they are more concerned with attendance figures and funding than your poor dd.

Have a lovely, peaceful Christmas.

Original poster
marvelousdcomics · 30/11/2016 18:53

Thank you everyone Flowers

We have screenshots of everything, and am currently writing an email for the HT.

She's calming down now (was in tears before). Thank you again.

OP posts:
Greenglassforvino · 30/11/2016 19:08

take her out now, it is for the best. I couldn't see my child go through some pain for the sake of a bit of LA paperwork.

Ditsy4 · 30/11/2016 19:13

I would take her out and I work in a school.

They should have a policy about bullying every school should have one it maybe included in the behaviour policy. Ask for a copy.i would take her GPinini,vcgfcxrxee