Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Really need advice. WWYD?

62 replies

marvelousdcomics · 30/11/2016 18:37

I've posted before about dd(15) and her being bullied. She is being homeschooled after Christmas, but must stay the remainder of the term at school. The issue with the trans kids has calmed down a bit, but another issue has started up.

DD used to hang around with 4 boys, lets call them A, B, C and D. Also, hung around with 2 girls, say E and F. F is a bit unstable, threatens to kill people and has severe outbursts.

Now, dd used to be absolutely best friends with A. Just before summer (after making loads of plans with him), A got a girlfriend, who made up rumours about dd 'she is a slag/slut/whore etc' and other things. Since then, A has completely blanked dd. They've 'fallen out' because he told her to f off when she asked why she couldn't join A,B,C,D,E & F to the park.

F also identifies as some random gender. Fine. DD thinks is fine. In biology dd got asked a question on chromosomes. DD answered. F kicked off. Wrote a FB status listing several ways which dd should kill herself. B, C and E supported her, saying dd should stop being mean to F, should kill herself, and they all mocked her for her past issues (eating disorders, self harm and depression). All were also extremely homophobic.

Now, dd and D have not been friends for ages. She is in all his classes, though. Yesterday, the teacher went out for a minute. D got up, and drew a drawing of dd on the board, labelling it horrible stuff. Everyone laughed. A,B,C and E added to it. Dd was crying and they continued being horrible. Teacher came in and issued dd a detention (for crying???).

Today she was put in a group with all these people apart from F. They were all talking between themselves about dd, knowing full well they were being horrible. DD didn't cry this time, although walked out and asked to come home. School refused, and she got another DT.

She told me all this after school today, showing me messages and statuses etc. I phoned school and they said the kids have reported dd for bullying them, and that 'kids will be kids' and some falling out is normal. Nothing is being done about anything.

As I said earlier, she is being homeschooled after Christmas but school have insisted she stays til term is up.

I don't know what to do. DD has been crying, moody, irritable, upset for ages now. The school aren't doing anything and I don't know their parents.

WWYD?

OP posts:
Ditsy4 · 30/11/2016 19:15

I would take her out and I work in a school.

They should have a bullying policy, it might be included in the behaviour policy.

ConfusedRabbit · 30/11/2016 19:15

Well done for looking after your daughter OP. You're doing the right thing to pull her out of school right away. And definitely write to the head and cc the governors as suggested above, because the lack of support you describe is disgusting.

ILoveMyCaravan · 30/11/2016 19:22

I can pm you a copy of the letter I handed to the school on the day I removed both my DC to home educate them, if you like? The school CANNOT insist that she stays there when until Christmas.

chocolateworshipper · 30/11/2016 19:23

Definitely report to Ofsted. I know of a local school that had an unexpected early inspected because a parent contacted them about a safeguarding issue. Take her out of school now. Contact Facebook and any other social media providers where these children have posted vile stuff about your DD - it is against the terms and conditions of all social media providers. You would also be completely within your rights to report to the police as it is against the law to use electronic media in this way under the following:
Section 1 of The Malicious Communications Act 1988. This covers any communication which is "grossly offensive" or which "conveys a threat." The offence is one of sending, delivering or transmitting, so there is no legal requirement for the communication to reach a specific person.
Section 127 of The Communications Act 2003 which makes it an offence to send through a “public electronic communications network” a message that is “grossly offensive” or of a “menacing character.” There is no requirement that any person sees the message.

happypoobum · 30/11/2016 19:25

Take her out and just say she is unfit to attend school due to the unfettered bullying and harassment.

Original poster
marvelousdcomics · 30/11/2016 19:28

Thanks everyone.

Yes please, ILoveMy, that would be appreciated greatly.

OP posts:
ILoveMyCaravan · 30/11/2016 19:30

On its way to you now...

ohtheholidays · 30/11/2016 19:30

OP if you have proof of the stuff online speak to the Police,it's cyber bullying and they are trying really hard now to stamp that out.

DH's in the Police Force and he's spoken to our older children's school about cyber bullying of other students that some of our DC witnessed and the school got the Police involved and the Police were really good about helping the school sort it out.

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 30/11/2016 19:30

You know what is best for her. All you need to do to withdraw her is send a letter. Write it tonight. Hand it in in the morning. Give your dd a cuddle.

MrsMozart · 30/11/2016 19:32

Unless she's statemented you don't have to wait until after this term ends, you can take her out tomorrow. Look at the Education Otherwise site.

macromolecule · 30/11/2016 19:33

I have a home ed son. They have absolutely no right to insist she stay till the end of term at all. You do not need their permission, or anyone else's, to remove her from school, no matter what they ight tell you to the contrary. You just need to inform them and tell them to remove her from their roll and this needs to be in a letter. After this you are not required to engage with them whatsoever.

The most useful support groups I have found are on Facebook. If you search Home Ed on there you will find loads of them and they are mostly very helpful and supportive indeed.

Good luck OP.

macromolecule · 30/11/2016 19:42

OP, this group will probably be quite helpful to you as she is 15. A lot of HE stuff is aimed at primary children as it's more common to HE at that age.

www.facebook.com/groups/HELinksUK.IGCSE/

Most of all, don't panic about rushing into doing lots of work immediately. Lots of things count as HE and the poor girl probably needs a bit of a breather! It can all seem daunting at first and there's a lot of info to take in, but it gets easier!

PM me if I can be of any help, e.g. letting you know some of the things we do.

MariamaMay · 30/11/2016 19:43

Take her out.

2kids2dogsnosense · 30/11/2016 19:45

Agree with those who suggest seeigyour GP and getting a medical certificate - and if you don't (can't see why not) keep her off anyway, write to the governors, go to CAB for advice and if necessary involve your local newspaper - anything - but don't send your child back to misery and bullying. You must be worried sick about her..

SootSprite · 30/11/2016 19:45

Unless she has SEN you can pull her out of school immediately and opt to home educate her.

MariamaMay · 30/11/2016 19:46

Sorry, that wasn't mean to be quite so abrupt but computer decided to having mini tantrum as I was writing post.

Definitely take her out. And def to report to school/governors and so on. It sounds appalling!

Good luck with it all. I feel so much for your DD and for you too. You are doing right for your DD.

BlackeyedSusan · 30/11/2016 19:47

glad you are withdrawing immediately.

Dobbyandme · 30/11/2016 19:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Olympiathequeen · 30/11/2016 19:52

Take her out now and stuff them. Your DD needs to be out of a toxic environment asap. Note every incident down and ask DD to write a list of incidents too. Take her to your GP and yet her signed off as soon as allowed. It's not good for her mental health. Have your homeschooling underway as quickly as you can. She is the priority and a few weeks is not important

MsJudgemental · 30/11/2016 19:54

Flowers Make sure that you get lots of advice on appropriate resources to use in your homeschooling. Good luck!

1happyhippie · 30/11/2016 19:56

Your poor dd, and you op. (flowers)

I would pull her out now. You are doing whats best for your daughter. I would also look into their bullying policy, as im sure that every school is supposed to have one.
I bet you will feel so much relief knowing that she isnt going back there.

MsJamieFraser · 30/11/2016 19:56

Are you in the UK?

Withdraw her form now... here's a letter template for you, the school can ask you to stay until after Christmas, however the law states you can remove you child with immediate effect.

Head teacher's Name
School name
Schools address
The Date

Re: Full name of child d.o.b. Date of birth

Dear Head's name

I am writing to inform you that my son/daughter Child(rens) Name(s) is receiving an education at home, otherwise than at school in accordance with Section 7 of the 1996 Education Act.

Therefore, I would be grateful if you would remove his/her/their name(s) from the school register as from the date you wish to leave in accordance with the Education (Pupil Registration) Regulation 2016 section 8(1)(d) for mainstream schools.

Please confirm in writing that my child(ren) has/have been removed from the school register.

Yours sincerely

sign here

Your name

macromolecule · 30/11/2016 19:57

I don't understand the need for getting her signed off by the GP. Do they even do that for schoolchildren? Anyway, no need, just inform them you're withdrawing her to home ed as from tomorrow!

DixieWishbone · 30/11/2016 19:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 30/11/2016 19:58

They don't actually have a bullying policy, and as a result it is very prevalent

Can I ask if you're you absolutely sure? It's just that you mentioned Ofsted already take a dim view of the school, and I'd have expected them to pick up on such appalling behaviour and follow up on what the school's doing about it