Ex wants to take me to court so he gets income support instead of me

[user1478260362]

I left my ex partner as he was lazy, unmotivated, always going from job to job, living off his parents and unsupportive both financially and emotionally. I don't think he's a bad guy. He wasn't controlling or abusive in any way and would never have cheated but he was very much a Mummy's boy who had no desire to make his own way in life.

He has always asked if he can be sole carer of our Son so he can get benefits for 5 years without working.

Until recently I was a trainee Social Worker so got a Bursary so only got a top up of income from benefits. I've now qualified and I'm looking for work and currently get income support, housing benefit, child tax credit and child benefit.

My ex pays NOTHING. Not a penny but his Parents have been very good and always buy the essentials for my Son.

My ex has our Son three days a week. Some days to be fair he does have him 4 but I'm the main carer of our Son and the one responsible for him. This couldn't have been more clear when I was a student and was the one responsible for paying for his Childcare. My ex was briefly in employment during that time and did not have to worry about childcare or paying for it as he was not responsible for our Son in the same way.

I'm the one who will have to take him to school when he goes in two years, I have to make his Doctors appointments, live in a place where my Son can have a permanent bedroom. He may have him three days a week but he can look after him for those three days and give him back. He also can cancel when he needs to. I'm my Son's main carer and the responsibility rests with me. He wouldn't last a minute being our Son's full-time carer.

He wants to take me to court as he is claiming he has our Son 'all the time' and I'm guessing he's planning to lie to the courts. He is currently on job seekers and has tried to put a claim in for income support for our Son saying he has him 4 or 5 days a week. His claim was rejected as I was already claiming. It wont work as my Son is at the Childminder four days a week and she sees me hand him over and take him back so I'm clearly there for those four days.

I feel embarrassed for him being that kind of man. I'm sure he's secretly disappointed in how his life turned out despite all his privileges.

And I reasonable to think he's disgusting for even trying this? I am not worried, he has not a leg to stand on. He pays no maintenance and wants to take the little money I from me. I think it's embarrassing. AIBU?

Mine tried this. Asked if I would write a letter too housing benefit saying he had the bairn 4 days a week. He had her one night a fortnight

When I refused he reported my husband to SS accusing him of hitting DD

He doesn't get her at all unsupervised now thank god.

His parents top up his jsa by £60 a week and pay his rent?
Strictly speaking then he should have £55 deducted from his JSA every week and is he also claiming LHA for his rent and getting the money for it twice??

think my ex's way of looking at it is one day he will be rich so no need to work. Just wait until his 69 year old parents are gone and he's rolling in it.

I don't blame him - it seems very sensible to me to spend the next 30 years living on the breadline, becoming increasingly bitter and resentful, on the off-chance that his parents don't get pee'd off with his parasitic existence and leave the lot to a cat's home.

He sounds a very sensible sensible young man. Very sensible indeed.

YANBU, it sounds like he only wants your son full time so he can claim benefits! He doesn't want to have him after work (when he is actually working) because he's 'too tired' and he wants his weekends free? How on earth does he think every other parent on the planet manages?

He sounds very immature and lazy, he wants your son for all the wrong reasons whilst you've gone out, retrained and are now looking for work in order to build a better life for you and your son. What a vile man. I agree with pp, keep a record of absolutely everything, from the sounds of it he won't get anywhere in court, the judge will laugh him out of the court room as long as you have sufficient evidence.

It's actually quite possible that this man does actually love his child. Regardless of whether he's trying to get more money or not.

I have to say OP your ex is not looking bad from what you've told us from the perspective of the courts. He has 50% ish of your child's care so regardless of whether you make dr. appointments or actually do a nicer and more thorough job of looking after your child, that doesn't mean he's not perfectly adequate as a parent. Him having your son 50% of the time currently actually proves he's both willing and capable of parenting sufficiently.

So it doesn't matter what we agree with you here, the reality is that he looks as good as you do right now for the court. Unless there's something you haven't told us like proof of serious neglect or abuse etc.

I don't think his love for the child was in question. It his motive that is in doubt.

I don't think he looks good at all.

Granted he has their son 3, sometimes 4 days a week (although does cancel occasionally, why? It's not like he's got anything else to do?) He picks and chooses when he wants the child when he does get work because he's too tired and wants time to himself. Only seems to want the child in order to get benefits so he can live a bit more comfortably until his parents pop off, rather than being a grown up and finding a job/retraining and actually making something of himself.

He sounds like a selfish entitled arse to me

You say he's not a bad man - he's a lazy fecker and probably full of bluster about this.

Tbh neither of you sound overly invested in your DS as an individual rather than a commodity, but perhaps that's because you're trying to focus on the legal/financial side of it.

It sounds like he only wants your son full time so he can claim benefits
He is already claiming benefits anyway for himself and if he starts to claim them for you child that means that you will no longer be able to.

Remember only one of the parents can claim CB and that parent is the one that can then claim CTC and the relevant additional HB / LHA.

If you had genuine 50/50 care/custody so no maintenance was payable either way, who would claim child benefit and any tax credits? Or would they be shared?

What if one parent works and one doesn't. If you worked and earnt a reasonable salary, you probably wouldn't be entitled to tax credits, but he's obviously hoping he will be.

If you had genuine 50/50 care/custody so no maintenance was payable either way, who would claim child benefit and any tax credits? Or would they be shared?
Benefits are never shared in a 50/50 situation.

What if one parent works and one doesn't. If you worked and earnt a reasonable salary, you probably wouldn't be entitled to tax credits, but he's obviously hoping he will be
Whoever claims the CB can claim the CTC and the additional HB / LHA.

Therefore in the OP's situation if her Ex started getting the CB and the CTC he would be entitled to HB / LHA for a 2 bedroom property. He would also be classed as a single parent.

Meanwhile the OP would only be entitled to JSA and HB / LHA for a 1 bedroom property.

If the OP started working and earned a decent salary her Ex might even be able to pursue a claim against her for maintenance for the child as well.

Benefits are never shared in a 50/50 situation.

It is perfectly possible for one parent to receive CB and the other to receive CTC/WTC - I have done this on several occasions with my DD's Dad as our relative cirumstances have changed.

It is perfectly possible for one parent to receive CB and the other to receive CTC/WTC
Yes it is possible to do that, what I meant is that you can't claim the CB and CTC and each parent receive half of the total sum.

Although your way is a good way of sharing the money it can cause problems in the early days of a claim, due to "computer saying no".