to really consider leaving him

10 replies

mynachos · 29/11/2016 23:47

My dp and I are at complete loggerheads regarding having child no:2. back story here...... we got "caught" with our first ds. I had health problems and was taking alot of medication along with my pill and baby was conceived. I was never interested in having children and struggled with my first few months of pregancy. I got over it, had a fairly easy going pregancy and now love being a mum (most of the time!). roll on three years later. ds is about to start nursery and im feeling soooo broody. Im 38 so times a ticking. AIBU to seriously consider leaving fiance...... we have our ups and downs.....esp the first year of being parents...... looking back maybe i had some depression did not go and get treated. dp has told me he doesnt think i am in the right frame of mind to have another....this bothers me as it feels like hes questioning my MH. I do admit to being crabby occassionally. I blame work which is pretty awful at the minute and the fact I live in another country to all my family. I admit to my off days. whether apparently he has none. I really belive I am ready to become a mother again and I feel our fs would benifit from a sibling...... is his refusal enough of a reason for me to end the relationship?

OP posts:

CockacidalManiac · 29/11/2016 23:48

Sounds like the relationship is too fragile to bring another child into anyway.

Grilledaubergines · 30/11/2016 00:22

Agree with the above. Plus, having another child for the benefit of your other child isn't a brilliant idea.

ColaSpangles · 30/11/2016 01:04

Sounds like he doesn't want another child and is using your 'state of mind' as handy excuse. Doesn't mean he doesn't have the right to his opinion even if it's been conveyed in a somewhat weasly manner though. Having another baby is both your decision with both having right to veto imo.

MommaGee · 30/11/2016 01:13

Because he won't have one and if you left him you could have one with someone else?
Cos you feel he's questioning your MH?

You need to talk. What is wrongwith your frame of mind? If it was different would he want more? Can you afford it? Is he worried you might get depressed again? Etc

Wren1975 · 30/11/2016 01:39

That you're you are considering leaving DP because he won't agree to another child, it sounds like your relationship is in trouble. If that is the case, bringing another's child into the situation is not a good idea! Focus on addressing your relationship issues and making a happy family for your DS.

Italiangreyhound · 30/11/2016 03:10

Talk together. Counselling maybe.

It sounds like you do not want the same things but maybe you could if you found a way forward.

I do not think it is unreasonable to want a second child but you and your partner need to agree together if you will have another child together.

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/11/2016 03:34

If you leave him, are you going to be able to have another child? Because unless you have a man in the wings or plan to do down the single route, time isn't on your side. Plus, do you want to stay in the country you are in? Because if it's a Hague signatory you won't be able to leave most probably.

In answer to your question though, any reason that is enough for you is enough to end a relationship. You get to decide if you wan tot carry on or not.

Original poster

mynachos · 30/11/2016 11:38

I have lived here in England for nearly 15 years. But have felt incrediably loney and homesick since having ds 3 years ago. I suppose when a child.comes into your life thats when you need your family...and all mine are in Scotland..Noy too far away. but generally only see them all once a year. I dont thinl I would feel sooooo broody if I were say 25 but at 38 I know the chances are less in my favour of conceiving naturally. I really do feel my boy will benifit with a sibling...... OH doesnt have a huge family either so I think he does get loney. He starts his free 15 hours in Jan and I think he will love making little friends who he gets to see regualry. I work evenings in a job going nowere. Now is the time to have baby number 2. then in my mind I couls possibly retrain in afew years to do something with more oppotunity with development/promotion.I feel like Im in limbo whether my partner has all the time in the world

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/11/2016 15:18

What about a move back to Scotland then? Company for you and your DS, a change for you and your partner. But maybe the relationship is done anyway. Only you know that.

User1987654 · 30/11/2016 18:27

So you are willing to deprive your ds of having both his mum and dad together, all so you can get together with another man and have another baby. And think your son will be better off because even though he won't have his dad around full time. He will have a sibling and will get to enjoy that sibling have their father around. You sound very selfish to me.

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