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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School and PE

161 replies

Gorja · 28/11/2016 18:58

DD1 is year 8. She has a badly infected toe that she is on antibiotics for and looks like she may have to have the nail removed.
She was due to do PE today.
I wrote a note this morning explaining she could do PE and set off happily to work. When I got Hime she told me she had given her teacher the nite and been told she had to do PE as it would be ok as it was just handball.
She had been made to wear spare PE kit as I hadn't sent hers with her - as I had written a note so didn't expect her to be doing PE.
She had to wear trainers that were too small for her as that is all they had.
This evening she is in a huge amount of pain and very tearful.
Would I be unreasonable to contact the school and tell them they are not to make her do PE if she has a note?
I do understand that some kids avoid PE and I do know she's not a huge fan of it and probably doesn't try very hard in it.
But surely if as a parent I write a note as she is in pain the school should respect my judgement and not make her participate?
She's my eldest so not sure if I'm over reacting but she really is in a lot of pain tonight which she wouldn't be had she not had to do PE.

OP posts:
harderandharder2breathe · 28/11/2016 22:00

Trifle I understand that attitude to the kids who have a different excuse every week but s child who only misses very rarely should be believed

My work doesn't require people to make back time for unexpected transport delays (it is down to manager discretion but generally that's the way it's done). But if I turned up late every day for a week blaming my train I'd be told to get an earlier train and make the time back that I was late

It's about giving people the benefit of the doubt unless they give you reason to suspect they're taking the proverbial

Trifleorbust · 28/11/2016 22:01

OldRosesDoomed:

I said kid as it is a word I use colloquially to denote 'child' or 'young person', just as half the posters on MN do. Please project your issues elsewhere, eh?

Trifleorbust · 28/11/2016 22:04

harderandharder2breathe: Of course a child who rarely comes in with excuses should be believed. That doesn't mean PE teachers should have to accept any note from any parent, which is what some posters are arguing. And there are times when believing them does not mean letting them sit out entirely - as I've said, sometimes they are being completely honest but there is no reason they can't change and help with equipment, umpire, walk the course instead of run, etc.

Willyoujustbequiet · 28/11/2016 22:11

I think a few comments on here are patently ridiculous. Would appear to be advocating a breach of a duty of care and a risk of legal proceedings.

I would make a formal complaint.

MotherOfBeagles · 28/11/2016 22:12

trifle I hope neither you or any female members of your family go through period pains like I did as a teen. Crippling. Literally sent me delirious. I've had surgery on my knee that hurt a whole hell of a lot less. Don't judge other people's level of pain or discomfort based on your own experience.

Also not all "medical issues" can be judged by sight.

And this comes from a healthy woman of 27 who hated PE due to bullying teachers. And ironically now works in pastoral support in a sixth form college where my primary role is dealing with students absences and medical concerns. I am fully aware some parents try it on but this OP has been perfectly reasonable with the school and has every right to be unhappy and I think you'll find those who "try it on" are in the minority.

Trifleorbust · 28/11/2016 22:13

MotherOfBeagles: I had them too. When they were that bad I didn't go to school (I was too ill). When they weren't I got changed for PE as usual.

Yamadori · 28/11/2016 22:20

When my dc hopped along on her crutches to the lesson, I can't imagine what other evidence the PE teacher would have needed!

kali110 · 28/11/2016 22:22

Why should she have taken her kit incase the teacher wanted her to participate?
Op did not want her to do pe.
The fact the child has antibiotics should say something!

trifle if they're not well enough to do pe they should be kept off school?
so a girl whose suffering horrendous periods should stay off a whole day rather than just being excused from pe? Or suffering with a migraine?
I'd never leave my house if that was the case!
This teacher was wrong and has caused op's dd more pain.
Really hope they have thrown those trainers out.
That is disgusting. Confused

Trifleorbust · 28/11/2016 22:26

kali110: If it's 'horrendous' the child is clearly too ill for school. If it's not 'horrendous' (and most of the time it isn't) then the child should be participating to the best of their ability. That may not involve strenuous exercise but it should certainly involve getting changed and taking part. Sorry but there is far too much fuss made about PE - it's not that hard to keep score in a pair of track suit bottoms even when you have period pain. Very precious and not doing the kids any favours in the long run.

Trifleorbust · 28/11/2016 22:27

Yamadori: Of course not. That's why it's discretionary.

BoneyBackJefferson · 28/11/2016 22:29

OldRosesDoomed

How you feel about PE is somewhat immaterial as it is a requirement of the curriculum and there are set hours for it.

Having said that the teacher was in the wrong to make the OP's DD do PE with an infected toe, although at the majority of the schools that I have taught in, even those not doing PE have to get changed in to PE kit.

Wolfiefan · 28/11/2016 22:33

So you are a PE teacher trifle?
Hmm

Topseyt · 28/11/2016 22:35

OP, you would not be at all unreasonable to broach this with the school. You had a good reason for not wanting your DD to participate in PE for now and it seems you were ignored.

I am someone normally fully on the side if the teachers, but sometimes some decisions are just wrong.

The only time I ever made a single complaint to a school in 16 years of having children in the system was when my DD3 had broken her ankle and was on crutches.

Inexplicably, the school (primary at the time) seemed to decide that it was perfectly sensible to make her hobble in her crutches to the other side of our town. This despite me saying that I could be available to drive her if anything came up.

The secretary and the head teacher didn't even try to defend it when I spoke to them. It had been the decision if a rather silly classroom assistant rather than the regular class teacher who was not in that day.

They admitted it was wrong and had lacked common sense.

Trifleorbust · 28/11/2016 22:38

Wolfiefan: No, I already said I am a teacher but not a PE teacher.

kali110 · 28/11/2016 22:39

Thankgod for that.

Trifleorbust · 28/11/2016 22:41

kali110: Believe me, I share your relief. I don't think I could deal with the constant parade of shit excuses without needing sedation.

kali110 · 28/11/2016 22:42

Wow shit excuses?
Poor op's dd with a toe infection is a shit excuse?

Glittermakeseverythingbetter · 28/11/2016 22:42

OP I would definitely be having a word at school. The PE teacher should not have overuled your note, I would be fuming.
My daughter has sometimes had ailments where she is perfectly able to go to school but unable to do PE. A written note has always been sufficient.

Trifleorbust · 28/11/2016 22:44

kali110: Well, you can make up things I am supposed to have said, or you can respond to things I actually said. Up to you entirely. But I will feel free to ignore you when you invent my meaning as you just did.

kali110 · 28/11/2016 22:45

How else it it meant to be taken Hmm

CheeseandGherkins · 28/11/2016 22:48

Trifle: You don't have the authority to make a child do anything. You cannot FORCE a child to partake in anything. If you, as a teacher, attempted this with a child of mine then you would have me to deal with; not a child that you would attempt to force. You sound like an arse to be fair. I don't see the point in trying to force anyone to get changed just to keep score. Why? Just to prove you're in charge? Lovely attitude.

Wolfiefan · 28/11/2016 22:49

"Take a flexible view of when a child needs to sit out"? Not sure what other subject that could be.
Shit excuses? Hope it's not young primary kids you teach with such a lack of compassion.
Some excuses are spurious. Some kids loathe stripping off in front of their peers and being judged as they can't run as fast as the others or lack coordination. Maybe if teachers encouraged and fostered a positive climate in lessons these kids would not want to skive off.
Some kids truly are unwell enough to not be able to do PE. It's up to the parents to make that call. You don't call in sick for your child only to be told the school disagree with your judgement and (as you have no GP certificate) they are coming to get your child and force them into school! Confused

Trifleorbust · 28/11/2016 22:49

kali110: That lots of the excuses presented for kids being 'unable' to bring their kit, get changed or do any physical activity whatsoever are shit. It wasn't a comment on the OP's daughter.

Notwithstanding, I still think she should have taken her kit to school.

CheeseandGherkins · 28/11/2016 22:51

Also, as you don't need a drs note to call in sick for work, why on earth would a teacher think they had the authority to demand one for pe? God complex...

Trifleorbust · 28/11/2016 22:52

Wolfiefan: There is nothing wrong with calling things what they are - lots of excuses are shit. That doesn't mean I lack compassion when the excuse is reasonable. Not liking PE isn't an excuse not to do it any more than not liking Music, Spanish, Drama or Geography were excuses for me. Sometimes we have to do things we don't like. And unfortunately schools can't give complete discretion to parents without medical evidence because PE is a compulsory part of the curriculum. They have to use their own judgement.