When staying as a guest, your room is your room until you leave?

[CrystalVision]

Just come back from a weekend with the IL's who I generally like and get on well with. But one thing really niggles me every single time we stay.

DH and I share a fairly small room with very little space to put our things, so I tend to just live out of a wheely suitcase and leave things on the bed as I take them out. The room does look a mess with both our combined junk, hair dryers, make up, shoes, pyjamas etc...but I make sure that the room is absolutely spotless when we leave (everything back in its place, bed made, no rubbish)

But every time, without fail, MIL will 'tidy' the room when we go out - folding clothes, repacking my makeup bag, making the bed).

AIBU to think that when you have guests, the room is their room and their domain until they depart? And regardless of whether it's a bit of a pigsty when you're in it, as long as it's returned to its original state on departure, you should ignore the mess?

There is no way on earth that i'd go into a room one of my older DDs and her boyfriend was staying in and start tidying up his things! How rude!

Personally if i were you i'd make the bed and gather my stuff into a 'tidy heap', but not out of respect, but rather because i can't bare getting back into an unmade bed.

It's your DHs job to say something along the lines of 'stop tidying our stuff up mum FGS! We're grown ups!''

Get do to speak to her. This would make me furious and extremely uncomfortable. When I have guests, the room is theirs, even though it's my dressing room they'll be in. I just dump enough stuff on the floor in my room so I don't need to go in at all.

I find it very rude that she's going in the room and re-packing, very PA of her. A gentle word about boundaries and needing to know that no-one is looking through your personal stuff might be enough. It's an intimate thing, a suitcase.

I've only just managed to stop my mother coming into my room once I've gone to bed when I visit her. If the door is closed, surely that's the polite code for sod off?

I would be happy my DIL felt comfortable enough in my home to relax properly!

YANBU i think thats very weird and id never touch a guests stuff in their room. Not even my own parents, who have their stuff spread out everywhere when they visit. Id tidy it if it were in my way in the kitchen or living room but id never go in their room and tidy it or the bathroom for that matter, i just clean around stuff they leave in there.

wobbly. I think you are missing the point 😬 If the OP's stuff was in a case her MIL wouldn't be touching it, locks not needed! 😁

I don't care what state the guest room is in when guests are using it. It's not a huge room, but it has a wardrobe, bedside tables & a small chest of drawers. However, if they choose to use the floor instead, that's up to them. When they go, their 'mess' goes, job done.

The only time I'd 'do anything' in there is if they did something that could be detrimental to the actual room, but I can't think of anything right now...I must have pretty good visitors I suppose! 😁

Lock the room?

Only way to stop it is...tidy your stuff way each day!

YANBU

DH's parents live abroad. We have a small room to stay in and they don't clear any space in the wardrobe/drawers. Both are absolutely packed full of clothes so we have to live out of our suitcases. MIL doesn't tidy our room but it irritates the hell out of me as it just feels like the height of rudeness not to make sufficient space in the wardrobe for guests.

Not sure what to suggest. I hate people touching my things. The first thing XP mother used to do when she visited was march up the stairs to see what was lurking in the laundry basket. In the end, I used to stick all the washing in the boot of my car before she came. Loon!

Why doesn't your DH speak to his mother???

yanbu. I don't see why she needs to go in the spare room while it's occupied with your belongings, it's not as if your camping out in her living room!
If she does it even after you closing the door hinting no entry then I'd conclude she's a bit if a control freak

Leave her to get on with it or else tidy everything away after yourselves. Either way she'll come in and check anyway.

You could always do a Home Alone style booby trap on top if the door!!

Very annoying that she goes into the bedroom if you and DH are the nly ones using it- it'd be different if e.g you were sleeping on a sofa bed in the living room and leaving your stuff out.

You have a few choices- ask her not to meddle with your things, put them away yourself and close your bags, or leave something obviously sex-related with your things .

I do go into the spare rooms if we have guests, to open the windows and air the place or to get stuff out of cupboards.But I would never, ever touch their stuff no matter how untidy it was. And with some of DDs uni friends it can get very untidy indeed, but once they have packed up and left all the mess goes with them.

Except for one young lady who left the place like a midden - she's never coming back.

I don't do that, but I would want to.

Isn't this how Cherie Blair got pregnant?

She and Tony were staying with the Queen, and they were frightfully embarrassed when somebody unpacked their condoms.

Next time they stayed they didn't want the same, so didn't pack any. Boom, pregnant.

If it's the only thing that irks you, you are doing ok!

how about buying her a little "thank you" gift every time you stay, then when you arrive you say "oh please don't go in our room whilst we're here because there's a surprise for you that I want to give to you just before we leave"

My mil once came into the room while I was asleep (naked) to 'just quickly check something on the computer' . DH realised what was happening (I think he'd gone down for breakfast) and swiftly evicted her, but she didn't see what she was doing wromg.

We often have guests. I wouldn't dream of going into the guest room when guests are occupying it. It is their private space as long as they are in it.

She and Tony were staying with the Queen, and they were frightfully embarrassed when somebody unpacked their condoms.

off topic and I rarely make any comment on the british class system but whether if this story is true or apocryphal, it is such a comment on how the middle class in the UK are viewed.

I don't go in to open windows either. If people want to sleep in a stuffy room that's up to them. When they arrive the window is open, beyond that their call.

She obviously thinks this is a nice thing to do, if you were in a hotel you would come back to tidy make up bag and folded clothes, she probably thinks she is being a super host. I would just say there is no need next time.

I wouldn't go into the spare room at all when we have guests staying, its their space while they're here. We also create chaos in the bedroom when we go away,but everything is left pristine when we pack all our stuff away and leave.

Seriously weird behaviour. I never go into my guest's room without knocking first and never when they're out.

My d siblings usually leave the guest room a right tip while they're staying. It annoys me but I would never go in to tidy things up but then I'm their sister so why would I? My mum, however, has form for tidying any room in the house occupied by any of her kids - she says it's her house and so if you don't want her to come in we ought to tidy up after ourselves.

She shouldn't be going in except with good reason and knocking first. And not when you're out Except maybe to get dirty plates or something. She's either v nosey, a control freak or being passive aggressive judgemental. Or maybe has boundary issues.