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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my child should not be wetting herself in year 1

108 replies

user1480243135 · 27/11/2016 11:06

Just putting this in a busier area. My daughter is 5 and in year 1. She wets herself all the time. I'm honestly at a loss, have tried so many different things including the doctor and I'm paranoid what the teachers must think of us. She doesn't seem at all bothered. Has anyone any experience of this?

OP posts:
Mabelface · 27/11/2016 11:26

I used to do this. I had no infections, no problems. It's only in later life that I was diagnosed with an overactive bladder which I'm on medication for. I really couldn't hold it, no matter how much I tried.

Original poster
user1480243135 · 27/11/2016 11:26

Clopy, she's not remotely humiliated Blush I kind of wish she was, it would give me somewhere to go if you like, I could reassure and help. As it is she just has an impish kind of look about her. I'm honestly thinking we must have gone really wrong somewhere.

OP posts:
Crowdblundering · 27/11/2016 11:26

DSD still bedwets - she is 12.

ClopySow · 27/11/2016 11:31

Are there other things going on in her life that might affect her behaviour? What is the issue with behaviour at school?

BusterGonad · 27/11/2016 11:35

My son was very much like this. He's 8 now and maybe wets himself fully once every few months, he wets the bed about once every few months and is forever 'leaking' in his pants through to his trousers. Ideally he needs clean trousers every day. I think he is too interested in what he's doing and lazy!

SteppingOnToes · 27/11/2016 11:39

I wet myself until I was around 11 - it was one of the unconscious call for helps that I was giving as i was being abused.

Original poster
user1480243135 · 27/11/2016 11:42

Well she's not being abused.

She's a bit like this Buster, how does he react when he's wet himself? My DD doesn't seem bothered, in fact at times she almost seems to find it funny. Sad

OP posts:
tiggerbounce77 · 27/11/2016 11:43

We have the same issue but are now under a specialist, we have cut out any red drinks, encourage her to drink more and she also has a wobl watch, it has alarms that remind her to go to the toilet. I think you should try to push for a referral to see if they can find out what's causing it x

TheLobsterRollPlease · 27/11/2016 11:45

YANBU if I were in your situation I would put her in nappies as that's the only way the wetting can be avoided.

ClopySow · 27/11/2016 11:47

Nappies? Really?

lht22 · 27/11/2016 11:49

You could speak to your school nurse/school health person?
We did this for a child at my school and they were way more helpful than their GP had been. They explained all the other causes apart from infection and the family were able to start a proper investigation into what the problem was (this was for a year 3 girl who had bedwetting issues, she used to sleep in a nappy and it would soak right through onto the bed).

SteppingOnToes · 27/11/2016 11:52

OP - my parents still deny that I was abused, but I was... I was a child giving a cry for help and was ignored and am still dealing with this at 38. Please do not discount the possibility...

MrsDustyBusty · 27/11/2016 11:52

Don't put her in nappies. It's very unlikely that humiliating her will help.

I imagine her apparent lack of care about this is defensive. How is her self esteem generally? How does she feel about herself and her body?

Original poster
user1480243135 · 27/11/2016 11:53

Her body? She's 5!

OP posts:
TheLobsterRollPlease · 27/11/2016 11:54

ClopySow How else can it be avoided if she is wetting at school and at other places?

TheLobsterRollPlease · 27/11/2016 11:57

Don't put her in nappies. It's very unlikely that humiliating her will help

^^ OP has said that her DD is not bothered about the setting, and why would you ask her how does she feel about herself and her body? like OP said she is 5!!

AliceInUnderpants · 27/11/2016 11:59

If she doesn't drink much that could be contributing. She needs to make sure she is drinking a good amount, as the bladder needs to be stretched to be able to hold more. Like a PP mentioned upthread, cutting out red/purple drinks (so blackcurrent or summer fruits squash) is recommended, along with no fizzy drinks. Reward charts if you've not tried them so far, as it could be behavioural, based on your posts. Is it full wetting, or leaks? I think you can buy knickers with a 'liner' inside them to hold leaks, or would that be likely to encourage her to do it more?
Does she ever manage to get to the bathroom with no accidents or leaks?

I feel for you, my 8 year old is still under care of the enuresis clinic for night-wetting, and regularly leaks during the day. She's also under care of CAMHS for other issues so it's likely connected as for various periods over the years, she has shown she can do it.

What other behavioural concerns do you have?

youarenotkiddingme · 27/11/2016 12:02

What are the other issues re her behaviour?

Wetting and not caring are very unusual behaviours for a 5yo.

What would she do if you ignored her and left her wet? Does she wet in front of an adult or she's found wet and then just happily goes off to get changed? Who changes her?

I agree there is far more to this and I'd work backwards and look at the bigger picture.

MrsDustyBusty · 27/11/2016 12:03

why would you ask her how does she feel about herself and her body? like OP said she is 5!!

Five year olds have feelings and if she's struggling with bodily functions she may not feel comfortable asking to be excused in school.

Original poster
user1480243135 · 27/11/2016 12:05

Yes, she does manage to go to the bathroom.

Sometimes I can understand it, even if I feel impatient with her, yesterday we were at a country park and she wet herself. There were toilets nearby but I could see she was busy playing.

She doesn't settle easily to activities. Wanders around. Interupts the teacher when she's talking, irritates the other kids (although she is very popular)

OP posts:
someonestolemynick · 27/11/2016 12:06

Don't rule out psychological reasons. I would try and get her seen by a psychologist.
I used to wet myself when I was being bullied in school and improved after I have had therapy.
Even if she erst herself deliberately this is most likely a call for attention.

TheLobsterRollPlease · 27/11/2016 12:07

I have a 5 year old DS yes he does have feelings if he was to wet himself he'd be very upset, you asked OP how her DD feels about herself and her body which was a bit Confused

AliceInUnderpants · 27/11/2016 12:10

Does she hyper-focus on things?

228agreenend · 27/11/2016 12:19

It's not uncommon for children to wet themselves at an older age.m I was going to suggest the organisation mentioned above as well.

Have you tried an enuresis machine for night time (worked for me and I was older than your daughter, many moons ago)

Wifflewaffles · 27/11/2016 12:21

Maybe ask to be referred to an incontinence clinic through the local children's therapy team or school nurse. We're still waiting for our referral we were promised. 5yo Ds has sn, and is still incontinent. He never potty trained, and is still in pull ups. We are making tiny baby steps in recent weeks, where he is managing to keep his pants clean and dry during the school day, and doing a few poos on the toilet.

We use special liners inside his pants. We got them in asda, and they might help your dd cover up any embarrassment whilst you try to get this sorted.