Alcohol and baby

[namechange123456789]

I've name changed for this as I don't want anyone in real life knowing. Please tell me if I'm over reacting.

We have a 4 month old baby and last night I went out for a rare night out with friends leaving the baby with my husband. I got a taxi home about 1am and my husbands friend is just leaving our house. I get in and my husband is drunk, drunker than me and I was the one on the night out. I was absolutely fuming. Am I right that it's just not ok to be drunk when you're in sole charge of a small baby??
I'm annoyed on a couple of counts;
One he just shouldn't have been drunk whilst looking after our baby.
Two he goes out nearly every weekend and I couldn't just have one night off and lie in??
I'm up with the baby after a couple of hours sleep and he's in another room sleeping
I just feel like I can't trust him now to even look after his own son. I felt awful last night that our poor baby didn't even have one sober parent to look after him. If id have known he was going to get drunk I never would have gone out.

10 beers that is a ridiculous amount of alcohol. If he is functioning at all after that much his tolerance is very high which in itself suggested an alcohol problem. He could have dropped the baby, made up a bottle incorrectly. This is very serious alcohol is a drug and your dh was incapable of safely looking after a baby whilst on drugs.

I would have been furious. I remember when my exH had the children while I attended a hospital appointment in London for the day, he sent my 3yo into the kitchen to fetch him another beer. She tripped and I spent two hours in A and E getting her head glued while he went out without a care in the world. I have little time for this kind of attitude because accidents can and do happen.

If his first instinct was to lie and say he only had 4 beers, and then admit to 10, I think he probably knows he was out of order. (I am thinking that 10 beers for a night in is a hell of a lot of booze.) And the fact that you have said he always gets drunk when he has a drink, sounds to me like a more deep rooted problem with alcohol that needs to be adressed in a calm and sensible manner at some point soon.

As far as I know he didn't resent me going out. I had planned to be home much earlier and he said not to be daft and if I was enjoying myself just to stay out.
I'm so sad that he can't be trusted to look after the most precious thing in our life properly. He must have known I'd have had a problem with it as well as we'd had conversations about how much alcohol is ok to drink when looking after a baby.
I don't know why he did it, don't know what to think.
Feel like phoning mil so she'll give him a bollocking but know I shouldn't.

YANBU. I'd be angry too. I'd see what he has to say when he wakes up as to how I'd react though. He would need to be very apologetic and tell me with no prompting that it wouldn't happen again, otherwise I'd be going ballistic.

Has it happened before when you've been out? Or is it a one off?

OP I'm inclined to agree with what a few posters have suggested in that he may have a problem if he can't abstain for just one night, always drinks to get drunk and lies about how much he's drunk.

Looking after a baby or young children is never a good idea when you're drunk or hungover, and that you've had a conversation with him about it and he's completely disregarded it speaks volumes.

You are not being unreasonable. He is.

coffee this is the first time it's happened but it's only my second night out since having him.

It is appalling. I would let MIL know casually in a conversation at some stage but not phone her to say just that. You can't trust him again. What if he had fallen with the baby! Doesn't bear thinking about. Ten beers is a lot.
Yes if anything had have happened to your precious baby he could have been in a lot of trouble with Social Services and I would point that out to him today. I don't think I would be speaking to him for a least a week after ranting first.

I'm so glad my first reaction is clearly how most of you would feel but terrified about what this now means for our marriage
He will clearly have to stop drinking and grow up.

I wouldn't mind two cans of beer whilst looking after the baby, after all I would happily two glasses of wine throughout an evening with dinner. However, steaming drunk is absolutely out of the question - I'd be furious!!!!!

ditsy I actually said to him last night that if something was to happen and both of us were found to be drunk potentially they could have a case to take him away I sobered up pretty sharpish when I got in and had had less to drink than him but I worried for ages that I shouldn't have been caring for him either.

I'd be livid. I'm angry on your behalf, actually.

I'm sorry, I would feel exactly the same as you. Even now, with our DS aged 2.5 years old I would not allow both of us to be utterly drunk incase he needed us through the night, or to be taken to the hospital etc.
When my son was 4 months old there's not a hope in he'll I would have allowed anyone taking care of him to drink.
A serious conversation needs to be had. Sounds like he got carried away but thats just not good enough. He deserves a bollocking.

Yanbu, what an irresponsible, selfish arse.

My Uncle was charged with being drunk in charge of a minor.

That was in the 70s but the law is still the same. My Uncle was an alcoholic and eventually died of alcohol related issues.

Does your Dh start to drink and can't stop?

The fact he did this, drank that much on his own whilst being in sole charge of a baby would worry the pants off me.

YANBU. I'd be livid and have trouble getting past this. He put your baby at risk, the prick.

Wish there was an edit button, just re-read and seen your Dh was drinking with a friend. Still not on to get drunk looking after a baby.

That's terrible. 10 beers or more is a huge amount to have. He could have put your ds in danger. I would be so angry and wouldn't trust him on his own with the baby. He needs to understand the seriousness of this. Binge drinking can also be a sign of alcoholism/misuse. Have a look on the AA website. Also surprised he's still going out every weekend.

YANBU.

Personally I think this is actually quite a serious incident. And one that would definitely make me question my relationship.

He's proved to you that his nights 'out' (if not out, friends will come to him) are more important than anything else. This would seriously bother me.

Well he's made sure you won't be going out again hasn't he?

It also sounds like he hasn't adjusted to having a child. Of course that doesn't mean a lifelong sentence to staying home and watching CBeebies, but I would have thought for most it means a serious readjustment of priorities so that you get to spend some quality time with the baby at the weekends.

Has he bonded with the baby?

One of the biggest dangers of being extremely intoxicated while looking after a minor is how deeply you sleep. So had your dh nodded off on the sofa he may not have woken if the baby cried or may have fallen asleep while holding the baby trying to get him back off to sleep.

It's all so wrong. He couldn't stop himself consuming a huge amount of alcohol when he had a tiny baby relying on him.

This needs to be sorted otherwise he will continue to place your child as risk. However, sorting it depends on how much he feels he's got a problem. It's the fact that he couldn't just stop at one beer, invited his friend over for company etc. Just smacks of facilitating his need to get arseholed. Does he really need a friend for company on his one night of being in sole charge of a baby? Yanbu.

I'm more sad than angry now we had a nice day out planned today, Christmas market & seeing light switch on and I don't even want to look at him. I don't want to ask a friend to go with me & the baby as I would then need to tell them and they'd hate him for it.

10 beers?! I am pretty laid back but even if would be fuming about this! How fucking irresponsible!

I wouldn't be letting him sleep in, I'd be getting him up and telling him what a selfish arsehole he is.

Sadly, you can't trust him unless he clearly sees how wrong this was. So many things can happen and he would have been too drunk to sort it out or worse have caused an issue by being drunk and , for example, falling asleep whilst holding baby in an awkward position. Or not waking up when baby needed help.

I don't know how you can get through to him how bad it was to do this. If he is unwilling to accept it, you will have to find a babysitter when you go out as he is not responsible enough to look after baby without getting plastered.

I also think it is entirely possible he is trying to stop you going out and doesn't want to look after his child when you aren't there. So he got drunk and refuses to accept responsibility in an effort to stop you going out again.

Because any sane adult knows it is wrong to get very drunk in charge of a baby. So he either did it purposefully to stop you going out or he has a drinking problem that over-rode his natural instinct to care for his child.