To feel weird about this?

[Skimpyfd]

Guy at work was v receptive when I asked about work his team do, sent a few emails asking me to get involved (after my initial request), gave me work and recently emailed again out of the blue to advise me that I should get feedback from him for appraisal. I have only just joined the place I work at and he's been very switched-on and helpful.

Stupidly although I don't fancy him, I am single and had thought that maybe he was too? Might be hopelessly naive but I just thought he was kindly (but needlessly) attentive. Have since found out he has has a serious gf and now feel like a fool! Don't know why though!

I don't get it.

You were interested in some work his team do, he involved you due to this interest. He is going to give feedback to help your apprasial.

And now you feel like a fool because he has a girlfriend?

How are the two even connected?

Take it that he's a nice person helping a colleague. If he has a girlfriend he won't consider you anything other than a colleague so keep calm! Its work not a dating agency.

And if you really don't fancy him what's the problem?

I know! I just felt he had gone a bit above and beyond but can clearly see this was just me - took me for a coffee to discuss work etc etc. Just embarrassed I had assumed what his intentions were!

I'm confused...you don't fancy him but you wondered whether he was single and now you know he's not you feel daft?

Well as long as he didn't twig that you thought he fancied you then it's all ok surely?

I don't quite get this?
Are you disappointed he has a gf even though you don't fancy him?

I guess probably deep down i must have hoped he did fancy me (pathetic as that sounds - got some weird self-esteem/looks issues right now) and I'm paranoid I might have come across as flirty or inappropriate? I guess I just didn't realise/trust why he was being so nice. Which makes me sound terrible! I also (due to issues mentioned above) find it difficult to work closely with young, attractive men (I am early 20s) without wondering whether either of us fancy each other! I know that's awful

NavyandWhite where is the OP suggesting it's someone else's problem?

I also (due to issues mentioned above) find it difficult to work closely with young, attractive men (I am early 20s) without wondering whether either of us fancy each other!

Oh gawd.

It saddens me that his behaviour, which I would consider normal kindness from a colleague, is taken by you as going above and beyond. You must have had some unkind experiences with men.

Chances are he has no clue what is going on in your head. So no need for embarrassment.

He helped you out. Professionally helped you out and gave you an opportunity.

I think you need to figure out why you spend time wondering wether men you work with fancy you.

You don't fancy him. He hasn't indicated he fancies you. End of.

OP - best bit of advice is not to mix business and pleasure. Just don't do it.

No one fancies anyone. Unrelatedly one of your colleagues is quite a nice guy.

Bless you, there's no problem here. Calm thyself.

Ok when I was your age I also had low self esteem/looks issues, and sometimes I had men coming onto me eg at work when I wasn't ready for it or I or they were giving mixed signals.

Just ignore this, don't see every attractive young man as attractive or fancying you and/or just try get to know them as friends. In short get used to having young attractive men (especially at work if that helps) be friendly and act normal around them!

Meant very kindly, you can tell you have low self esteem at the moment, as you couldn't believe this man would invest that sort of time and effort in you unless he fancied you.

Don't beat yourself up, he chose to spend time with you as he could see you wanted to learn and do well at your job and he respected that. He doesn't know your self esteem is low, so just give yourself a pat on the back for making such a good first impression at work and keep working on building your self esteem.