To think this could be the most embarrassing parent moment EVER?

[Saucisson2016]

13 year old son found my rampant rabbit!!!!

Expecting husband home early half day on anniversary and in effort to be superwife got special off the internet saucy outfit complete with stripper heels. Got into gear and headed down to kitchen to await his return. He was beaten home by 18 yo son. Managed to escaped to downstairs loo before too much scaring inflicted on son. special anniversary cancelled. Still have the heels though.

what are all the buttons? omg I can't breathe

show and tell

Arrrrrrrffffffff

I'm more shocked you say "afternoon delight", ironic or not.

DH and I found MIL's. She asked us to find something in her room, I went to help DH as we were in a rush to leave. Found that on nightstand...

My poor mother found 2 of mine and a pair of handcuffs (bought by a friend as a joke...) under my mattress once. No idea what she was doing routing under my mattress. It was a divan bed base so she would of been having to look under the mattress itself.

Also once as a teen boyfriend and I had an 'active' weekend. Put them in a big black bin bag as I was also having a clear out. Our dog pulled them all out of the bag and left them all over my room/landing and even put one on DP's bed as it was the next room over. DM found them, I was out and DF was expected home. She (thank god) cleaned it all up. Luckily dog only destroyed the tissues, didn't eat any. I am eternally grateful but squirm everytime she mentions it.

Approx! That's more traumatising than finding a rabbit! Haha

I bundled mine into a towel and threw it in the wash basket. DS was 4 found it, played with it and put it back without me knowing.

Then asked me where Mr. Shakey had gone one day. I said who? He said Mr Shakey that lives in the wash basket.

He found my womaniser - he thinks it's an ear thermometer.

DD (age 2) in busy public toilet. "Is there blood this time Mummy?" "Shhh, not this time DD." "No blood this time Mummy, so why you got dirty nik naks on?" (Old pair of white pants, clean but with old blood stain I couldn't get out on them).

Two year old.. "is that your winky mummy?" giggles

realistic vibrator

"That's mummy's special tickle stick. Now go wash your hands"
(Nicked from Forest Friends)

It's now back in the bottoms of DH wardrobe under a Wigan Athletic scarf where it belongs... might buy a digital safe....

Mr Shakey

My DB and SIL once came round and redecorated and tidied my bedroom in my flat as a cheer up treat whilst I was away on holiday (I'd been wanting it decorating for ages but proscrastinated) - all new curtains, duvet cover etc... Then DB said SIL had found my pink sparkly Ann summers vibrator in a bottom drawer... SIL is quite shockable so I hope they just went urgh and put it back.

Another time my mum was over helping me sort out charity bags... We were going through stuff and I found my Agent Provacateur black and cream basque and knickers and some other sexy lingerie in a drawer had forgot they were there... Had been single for a while but had used them with last boyfriend not that long before... My mum said "oh you've got no need for these anymore now you're single" and I went to snatch them back off her and showed them back in a drawer muttering "and what do you know?" As an aside to her under my breath.

Was living at dh granny's house. We moved into our own house. Mil was clearing out our old room and found our bag of kinky stuff. She thought it was hilarious but handed it discretely back to me

OMG this thread has brought back the memory of me finding my Mums when I was about 13 or 14.
No, now I want some brain bleach, it had been buried somewhere in my mind after so many years. How long till I can bury that memory again!

a kind of medicine for ladies. . Can I get one off the NHS?

DH just burst out laughing at Mr Shakey

After a discussion, aged 12, of concerns about weight, I remember showing my friends what my mother had assured me was her 'fat massager'.

It took me a long long time to live that down.

Happily, mother is still oblivious.

Mine fell off a shelf and out of a shoebox onto my Mums head, when she was helping me move house. I was quite embarrassed and then my Aunt remarked 'it's ok love, your Mum's is bigger.'

I told him it was a kind of medicine for ladies

Isn't that why they were invented in the first place? As medicine to treat Victorian women with "hysteria" because the doctor was getting tired of using his hand to make his female patients orgasm as their "treatment"

No seriously, I shit you not - it's not a bad porn plot, it's really real!

You can find lots of pictures on the Internet of early ones, which were used for medicinal purposes. I didn't quite believe it at first.

I think my DS has been traumatised by me in his early years. He used to walk in on me all the time and was under the illusion that I wore nappies (sanitary towels) and had a willy (tampon string).

Like this?

I'm a reception teacher and have had a child bring one in for show and tell - very unprofessional but lots of giggles in the staff room over that one

Yep, this one will end up in the Daily Mail for sure.

Appropriate "story" for a bunch of wankers to lift though I guess.

God knows how long he was mauling with it before he tapped me on the shoulder... surely all kids these days have seen it all?? Anyway he had been allowed an hour on PS4 which is an unusual occurrence on a school night and DH and I have had a Pinot Grigio and a Chardonnay... don't know who's more in shock!!