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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to put 4 yo twins in kids club on holiday?

105 replies

abbijay · 22/11/2016 20:42

Next summer we're off on a sailing resort holiday with the ILs. I've had a very awkward chat this eve with MIL that if the kids want to go in kids club they can but if they don't like it they don't have to go or I'll go with them. She thought I was mad - she was polite but she was evidently shocked at the suggestion.
I work 4 very long days every week so to me holidays are precious family time not a time to farm my kids out to paid childcare unless it's what they want to do. Of course I'd enjoy time to relearn how to windsurf like we did on holidays before the twins but having fun with my family is a million times more important to me!

OP posts:
toomuchtooold · 23/11/2016 10:47

I am not in the UK, Maui, and my kids are not at school.

NavyandWhite · 23/11/2016 10:54

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MrsWhiteWash · 23/11/2016 10:57

But to me it does seem odd that they're getting the chance to go on holiday with DGCs and not want to spend as much time as possible with them?!

Perhaps as they don't see them often they find them a bit tiring having them round all the time? Perhaps the tuition time is a break for them and one they assume you needed - and it hasn't occurred to her you perceive it differently?

mouldycheesefan · 23/11/2016 10:59

I don't think mil is suggesting that you put the kids in a club all day every day. I think you are over reacting there. Just go on the holiday and see what happens.
You are very lucky to have such generous inlaws.
NB seeing the inlaws every 6-8 weeks is actually a lot, we see ours 3 x per year.

BertrandRussell · 23/11/2016 10:59

Are people imagining sending children to holiday clubs every day from 8-8?

NavyandWhite · 23/11/2016 11:03

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BertrandRussell · 23/11/2016 11:08

It's also perfectly reasonable for them to expect the children to at least have a go at the water sports.

And if you want to windsurf, OP then do it. There are a lot of hours in the day!

NavyandWhite · 23/11/2016 11:11

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Italiangreyhound · 23/11/2016 11:16

Can your 4 year olds swim, OP?

mouldycheesefan · 23/11/2016 13:00

They don't need to be able to swim to do the watersports, they have life jackets on, they have a lifeguard on duty plus the nannies plus the instructors. The nannies take even the toddlers out in little sailing trips like that.

Italiangreyhound · 23/11/2016 13:12

I think it would be quite nice to have someone looking after my kids for a bit on holiday, but my kids are older than four. Not sure I'd want them doing water sports but some things probably fine.

My kids would not like it but yours may love it.

It is really up to you, OP, do what is right for you.

mouldycheesefan · 23/11/2016 13:16

I wouldn't underestimate the joy in having a bit of time to yourself on holiday knowing that your children are having a great time. It's also nice watching them try new things. I like sittingonthe beach watching them do watersports.

Italiangreyhound · 23/11/2016 13:25

abbijay I hope you have a great holiday.

"I think the thing is the MIL wants the kids to grow up to be keen sailors and thinks this holiday will spark a passion."

This kind of things makes me feel really uncomfortable. Why do they want the kids to like sailing? Why not just allow them to develop the interests they want, which may be sailing, or may not.

"Then there's also the fact that (I think) they're paying for it so she doesn't want to waste her money on access to expensive facilities if I don't use my tuition time and nor do the kids."

Why does she have to pay for tuition if you don't use it, did you not disucss this before she booked it?

Me and a friend did windsurfing a gazillion years ago. It was awful, I spent the whole day trying to get up on the board! (I expect you are fitter than me so may not have this happen!). The next day we were due to go back for more of the same but decided not to. If it really is a holiday you should be free to do what you want to do.

I hope this holiday works out really well for all of you.

firstdatesfear · 23/11/2016 13:30

I have a few summer season's experience working for a travel company names on this thread- on the beach as a windsurfing instructer and as kids club staff. In my opinion, most children get the best out their holiday doing a mixture of kids clubs and family time. They will want to join in with some stuff the other children in resort are doing (the vast majority of them will be in kids clubs). They will see them around the resort in their matching t-shirts, hats etc and the kids clubs will have access to some things that parents don't really have. In the company I worked for the kids clubs were free for children over 2 (under 2s had qualified nannies) and 8-12 year olds who were particularly keen could go in into a (paid) club lead by instructors and be focussed on sailing and windsurfing. The others were all free and included tasters at the watersports as well as often things like tennis, waterpolo, arts and crafts, games, treasure hunts, etc.

If I was going on one of these holidays with my DC I'd aim to do a mixture (as it's free/included childcare anyway) but play it by ear. Some children like it a lot more than others. (But it sounds like that's what you're going to do anyway!)

corythatwas · 23/11/2016 14:40

Some people find it a joy to have some time away from their children. Other people find doing a holiday together with the children and storing up shared holiday memories is a joy. Nothing wrong with either approach, just individuals.

And though the MIL is generous to pay for it, the DIL only has limited holiday time, so she should also be allowed to have a say in what she does with it.

Bythebeach · 23/11/2016 14:52

Mine aged 11, 8 and 4 now have always shunned kids club. I have never force them. I normally show them the club on each of numerous holidays in case they fancy it and because I would love perhaps a day or two off. But primarily, like you, I want to be with my kids on holiday and they understandably don't want to be looked after by random careers, however nice, and would rather explore the toys etc when I'm there. Only exception is ski school - eldest loved it from youngish but middle more wary but enjoyed it from age 6 and youngest yet to try!

BertrandRussell · 23/11/2016 15:04

"This kind of things makes me feel really uncomfortable. Why do they want the kids to like sailing? Why not just allow them to develop the interests they want, which may be sailing, or may not."

Isn't that quite normal? I really hoped mine would like sailing and reading and horses and cooking- and did my best to encourage them to- it's nice to have shared interests, surely? Skiing families usually ski together, for example.......

toomuchtooold · 23/11/2016 15:42

I agree Bertrand - and with things like sailing and horse riding, most kids are unlikely to get the opportunity to try it unless you organise it. It's not like football or reading or something - you're not as a kid going to be able to just try it out on your own. And there's a learning curve as well - you need a bit of a gentle push to stick at it long enough for it to become fun. It's a good learning for life.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 23/11/2016 15:50

I used to work in such childcare

let me tell you the Francais left their kids at 8am and picked them up at 8pm!!!

even at my pre kids tender age I was a bit Hmm

and now? I would KILL for a Club Med, honestly, not necessarily the 12 hour shifts but a few hours to sunbathe, read my book and do Yoga whilst my DC play, hell yes!!!

I think the use the terms "palm off" and "paid childcare" are a tad sneery to be honest

Hillarious · 23/11/2016 16:19

Still very much want to spend time with my kids on holiday, and they're in their late teens. Precious times. They've never wanted to do kids' clubs and I've only felt the need in the holidays when I'm working.

It won't be long before they don't want to come on holiday with us . . . and that's the time I can learn to windsurf again.

NavyandWhite · 23/11/2016 16:27

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MauiWest · 23/11/2016 16:41

or maybe they are not and they are not used to spend time with them Grin

Thefitfatty · 23/11/2016 16:46

hilarious I'm still going on vacation with my DP's at 36. You may be waiting a long time. Course my DM never hesitated to learn to windsurf or on adventures, it's one of the most wonderful things about her.

KERALA1 · 23/11/2016 17:03

Mine are holiday club refuseniks too Hillarious. They are horrified at the sight of children in their matching outfits doing "fun" activities.

Now they are 10 and 8 they potter about together, both read alot. Am also valuing these holidays - it won't be long until its just DH and I again (sob)

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 23/11/2016 17:32

BertrandRussell

yes, in Club Med. some parents barely see their kids until bed time - really!