AIBU to think my SILs are BITCHES?

[HelpTheTigers]

DP and I have been together for nearly 9 years and we are settled, happy, no problems or anything. DP was married for 2 years and divorced over 10 years before we met and his wife had been having an affair with his friend before running off, so that's all over and done with and she didn't come out of it looking too good. DP has absolutely no feelings or resect for his ex, especially as she emptied the bank and took many of his personal possessions when she left, .
DP is the youngest in his family and has 2 much older sisters who always want to be in charge of everything, which DP usually ignores to have a quiet life. I have never had an problems or arguments with either sister or his parents and we seem to get along fine although Ive always suspected that both SILs are not as nice as they act in public. The oldest SIL has just moved back in with the parents to look after them as they are both frail and have the start of dementia. So far, not a problem.
I went to the PILs house on Fathers Day and found that both SILs have put up lots of family and memory photos on the walls, all framed and all screwed in the wall. It looked really personal and nice until I found a large photo of DPs WEDDING. Its screwed on the wall in a place that's now impossible to reach behind the furniture even if I did try to unscrew the thing. There aren't any photos of DP and I.
I am F LIVID. DP says not to get upset or involved and that his sisters wont mean anything bad. I think he should tell them to take the picture down or do it himself but he is so concerned about not upsetting his parents who will be very confused and stressed by it all that I know he wont do it. That bit I understand but its not helping me at all. Every visit to PILs is now horrible and I have to look at the bloody photo on the wall as it faces the sofa. I feel embarrassed and humiliated and completely rubbished in front of everyone.
Before I say anything to them can I please ask others if they think that I'm being too touchy and overly sensitive or if I am right in thinking that DPs sisters are BITCHES. Its driving my head insane.

I'm thinking they put it up to give their parents a reminder of a happy day. Not to rub your nose in shit OP.

Think you are overreacting a little bit. Though I do sympathise. I'd feel a bit (don't know if jealous is the right word to use here) put out too !!!

It's a weird thing for them to do but, calling them what you have is a massive overreaction.

Don't sweat it, you're better than that

Just be assertive, " please take down that picture".
Why haven't you asked them to take it down? Or get dh to take it down. Job done. Yes they are being mean but you are not being clear as to the behaviour you expect e.g shall I bring a toolkit or will you take the o,up of date picture down, it's confusing for pils and dh and I don't like it as his wife was a horror

I think it's weird but I'd be annoyed at dh's lack of support. Your anger is misplaced imo.

Only on Mumsnet are women so "cool" that they would be happy to go to their inlaws house and see pictures of their husband or partner on their first wedding day.

In reality I don't know anybody who would want to see this or wouldn't be even a little upset.

It's unnecessary, it's actually very hurtful

my paternal grandparents still have many pictures of my mother on the wall and my parents have been separated over a decade. my dad has a girlfriend he left my mum for, and has to go round there and have diner looking at my parents happy holiday snaps twice a week... so it does happen

tho in my grandparents case so of those pictures have been up since before my dads gf was born....

I haven't read all the thread, only the op.
I don't think UABU, that would hurt me also, I think your dh should get involve and ask them to remove it and then replace it with a photo of yourselves.
Your SILS are being rude and disrespectful

If they had been there for ages then I can almost, and trying very hard to see this :) see that it is the status-quo and I can almost see why they would remain, but to put up years after two people have separated and have moved on, that I find very strange and can't see any other purpose than to be quite nasty to the new partner to be honest.

Personally if it was me in the photos I'd rather never see them again!

I'd be bloody furious personally.

I think the dementia diagnosis is relevant here, in that the older memories are stronger and maybe the picture brings them comfort.
I do know families where pictures of exes are prominently displayed.
This is the case at my own MIL's house. I've better things to do than get upset about photos at someone else's house. This isn't about being "cool", it's about a shared history that you're a relative latecomer to.
What does your DH actually think about the picture? If he can let it go, then maybe it would help for you to do the same. As you know, dementia is a long and horrendous journey. He's going to need a lot of support from you. Pick your battles, is this one really worth it?
I don't feel able to comment on your SILs' motivation but if you're certain they're going out of their way to offend you, you could just say "great pic. DH looks so handsome. Where are the ones of your wedding (divorced SIL)? let's have a laugh at those."

Don't blame you for being livid, especially as you say there are no pictures of you and DP together! The SIL is being a nasty cow, there is absolutely no need for this. I would ask her outright why she thought it was appropriate to put this picture up?

There are some widely differing views being written on my OP and subsequent posts. I don't understand why anyone would be happy about a (quite large) wedding picture of DH and exW being fixed on a wall and I would be curious about what they will do when it comes to their own family photos, if DS or DD finishes with one BF / GF /DP / DW / DH and finds someone else. Will DS or DD be happy if the old photo is kept up or (as in my case), many years down the line an old photo with the original partner is given a prominent place on the wall? I suspect not, tbh. There is no need for the photo at all as there are lots of other family history photos that would be much better and not offend.

Lobby, what on earth is your point? What has the photo got to do with the daughter looking after her elderly, failing parents? What point flows from that fact? Surely the OP isn't expected to look after her PIL?

• Lonny

I think they have been insensitive to you and your DP at best. At worst it could be a malicious act. I would be wary of them, I don't think I'd be able to help it.

How does your DP feel about it?

Obsidian may have a point though. Although OP said the parents don't remember the DW and she wasn't around for long

I don't think you are overreacting OP. Your SILs HAVE been bitches to you, this was a deliberate and intentional act so YANBU.

I'd have to have nothing further to do with them personally. Your DH isn't going to stand up for you and by that experience wouldn't bat an eyelid if you didn't go on the family visits anymore.

There is just no need for that photo to be up

And what happens if the OP then got married or engaged or even had a nice photo of her and her partner?

Should there be two wedding photos up?

Of course not, it's bloody ridiculous

I agree, OP. That is Not Done and they should take it down.

DP isn't ok about the photo at all but doesnt rock boats with his sisters. Like a lot ofmen he doesnt bother with family politics. ExW moved away years ago and has no contact wth the family since leaving. DP isn't bothered about her at all and its all in the dark past for him and I'm not even mildly interested in her as she was ancient history. I just think the new picture is a rude and offensive thing to do.

I must have a very odd sense of humour - I would think this really funny