To want to be able to grow older without being made to feel shit

[QueenofWishfulThinking]

I'm 53. Everyone on MN claims to look at least 5 years younger than they are but I have no idea what age I look. I have crows feet and other lines; not because I've smoked or sunbathed but that's just how my face has aged. I get my grey hair highlighted, dress in a way that I hope makes me look good then just go about my everyday life quite happily

BUT

The media tell me that being in your 50s is a huge turning point for a woman - not a man! - and that I should be trying to look younger. Threads on MN tell me (and other woman who had children in our 40s) that we'll be an embarrassment or a burden to our children.

MNHQ classes us as Gransnetters - my DD is 12! Anyone else fed up about being made to feel shit about getting older?

I love being older (50s). I feel like I have more choices. I can dress up and look good or dress down and not feel bad about it. I wear what I like and don't feel I have to fit into stereotypes of what women in their 20s, 30s,40s should wear. I've never wanted men to fancy me anyway (unless I was single and fancied them back!), so my ego hasn't taken a battering.
I largely avoid newspapers and magazines that seem to be all about making women feel bad about not measuring up to some unattainable standard. Having teen children also keeps me a bit more in the swim and makes me laugh a lot. OP u seem like you have a good life, don't let people in the media spoil it for you.

"Whichever way you look at it, ageing is shit and has nothing going for it."

I hate this attitude. Consider the alternative - dying young. Never getting to see your children grow up. Never getting to meet your grandchildren. Having to leave before you're ready.

I had a dear friend who died weeks before her 32nd, leaving behind a fiancé who adored her and a wedding planned that couldn't happen. Another friend died recently at 41, leaving behind a wife and two kids who'll grow up barely remembering him.

Give me aging - grey hair, wrinkles, sagging body, the lot - over the alternative, every time.

My Mum and Dad were older parents and people were often thinking she was my Gran when I was at school and some kids were even a bit cruel about it...say a lot about them and their upbringing. My parents were/are fab. My Dad is no longer here but my Mum is a young fit person despite her being mid-late 70's...she's brilliant with my ds and puts a lot of "young" Grandparents to shame!

My mil was a teenage parent so my dh had a young parent. Mil was always very critical and cruel about "old" people...old to her then was 50's...that's until she reached 50's and life with ignorant young people commenting on "old" people was sooo unfair. I think there is possibly justice in there somewhere!!

Dh and I are older parents...often mistaken for being younger as we have a small child. We have grey hairs, crows feet blah blah...we're still us underneath it all and I quite like my greys.

I see the person not an age. I've met very young 70 and 80 year olds and very old 25 year olds!

I am so bored with media and magazines ignoring or insulting everyone over 50 and the presumption that we should all have cosmetic procedures to keep us looking young. Look at all those American actresses who have had things done - they can look terrible. I just embrace my age (51) and now ignore the media.

I find it particularly annoying that clothes shops refuse to cater for us and presume we just want comfy slacks and shapeless tops and couldn't believe that when I turned 50 my inbox was filled with emails about retirement homes and funeral plans. I'm just starting my second career after years at home with the children and really enjoying working full time again with all age groups and embracing the different views and experiences. I find sometimes the media can be rather narrow minded.

Oooh, yes, this: Botox and fillers seem to make people look even older IMO

It looks like they have cellulite on the face.....

Yes exactly, Mary Berry is not invisible. She's very old, and she is not botoxed up to her eyeballs, she looks her age too. She's glamorous, in demand, professional, much-loved, well-paid and we all know who she is. So it's not true that older women are necessarily invisible or forced to try to look younger - but what takes not to be invisible is to be yourself and not feel apologetic about your age, and focus on what you do and what you are good at.

Angela Merkel, Theresa May, Kirsty Wark, Shirley Bassey, Annie Lennox, Meryl Streep, Glenda Jackson, JK Rowling, lots of over 50s aren't invisible at all - but they are known for what they do, not for managing to butcher themselves into looking permanently 35.

I think the complaint that "if you're over 50 you're invisible" etc isn't actually true, and if we say that we're basically echoing the DM-type media that is desperate to make women feel cowed for any reason they can.

I agree Horsey, my sister died unexpectedly just after her 36th birthday and left two young DDs.

I know for a fact she'd rather be on this earth with them and her (now) grandchildren, and wouldn't give a shit how grey and wrinkled she looked.

And I also think going down the surgery and botox route is also pandering to that actually quite narrow view of what women should look like.

If you think about it, which older female actors get oscar nominated and get great parts? It's actually largely not the heavily botoxed, alien-looking ones who have succumbed to this idea that you won't get any parts unless you look under 30. Yes there still need to be more parts for older women but no one ever turned down Judi Dench in favour of Courtney Cox.

The minute facebook thought I had turned 50, I started to get adverts for funeral insurance with pictures of gravestones

TBH I am not enjoying my 50s so far - my body has turned into a crunchy painful hormonal wreck and all the kids have moved back home again. Still, I shall start my new yoga class tomorrow and hope things will get better.

Everyone thinks they look younger than they are because when you say "How old do you think I am? " the responder gives themselves a massive margin for error- at least 5- probably closer to 10 years.

So if you're 40 and someone thinks you look 34, you look 40 and they were playing it safe.

Have you noticed how the actors with interesting and characterful faces get better looking as they age, and the bland youthful ones just get older.............

I find sometimes the media can be rather narrow minded The understatement of the century Orchard Dweller

Orchard, which clothes shops are you going in? I'm 54 and wear what I like. The only difference from when I was younger is that I go for better quality, and luckily I live in an area with excellent charity shops so buy a lot of designer and high-end High Street stuff cheaply. It's all about self-confidence and a good haircut, good underwear, flattering make-up and keeping on top of the dreaded facial hair helps me with that.

Worra I didn't know that. (not that I should) I lost a brother when he was in his 30s. There's so much that doesn't matter to me at all because of that fact.
I'm 57 and fat at the moment but just dazzle people with my sparkling wit and repartee.

I turned 50 this year, now Facebook serves me adverts for diets, as though I suddenly ballooned in weight, and also mega-frumpy dresses. Anyhow, I'm quite happy with being 50, I've gone back to university to take a second degree, I'm embarking on a new career, I wear what I want and don't care whether anyone thinks I'm hot or not. And anyone did pass comment I'd tell them to FOTTFSOF because I'm a lot more outspoken than I was when I was younger and cared about the opinions of random's.

derxa our sparkling wit and repartee will never get old and fat

ppeatfruit I thought the understatement of the century was a few posts before that...

Anne Robinson is a little helped

Yes Worral I laughed a lot at that !

I sometimes feel lost in a sea of women on diets and worrying about how they look to others I'm a bit further on in life than other women I work with I don't have young children or the school run anymore but they are around my age they are worried about whay they were or if a certain school mum likes them it's exhausting some women are so hard on themselves they just need to calm down imo

Wear*

OP I'm only 40 but since joining MN about 18 months ago, I'm shocked by the attitude to age and I feel there's an obsession with looking younger.

I don't really do mainstream media and haven't seen a so called women's magazine since I was a teen so I appreciate that might be why I'm so taken aback. But the way I see it, the more of us who don't worry about all this, the more likely it is to spread.

ppeatfruit I was being polite about the media - don't want to stoop to some of their vacuous, air-headed comments!

Yes I get that Orchard With any luck a trawling journalist will take offence and not put us in their newspaper

I haven't seen posters on here telling people they are an embarrassment to their children though. Where have you seen that?

Frequently comes up on "I'm 40 should I have a baby" threads, Fairenuff

Floisme - please don't walk away from S&B. You make excellent points on there and, like you say, you love talking about clothes so why should you stop?

Let's face it you can be 24 and look like an angel but you'll STILL be an embarrassment to your children